Game #1234: Bayonetta 2

 It's time to kick butt and suck some lollipops, and I'm all out of lollipops.

  Bayonetta was sort of a revelation to me, as in 'Why didn't I play this before?!'. I mean, I know why I didn't, Bayonetta's oversexualized design was a HUGE turn off for me, as the character only looked stupid instead of sexy, which is what they were going for. But, hey! The game was fantastic, and in some ways, it surpassed its sister series, Devil May Cry. Well, here I'm late to the party again with Bayonetta 2, but better late than never. 

 The worst bit about Bayonetta 2 is the fact that it's pretty much identical to the original game. Gameplay-wise there are new weapons, but for all intents and purposed, the combat remains pretty similar. But this extends to the plot. Characters return in the same roles they had before. Bayonetta is the sassy main character, once again she strikes the most egregiously sexualized poses as the camera slides through her butt in the dumbest of ways, Enzo and Luka are useless comic relief, Rodin sells you stuff and Jeanne... well, her role did change, as she is now an ally... although, once again, a damsel in distress, more literally in this game. Oh, and while Cereza is gone in this entry, there's a new annoying kid character, but this one is even more annoying because his personality is super abrasive. I just wanted him to die 'cause he was so insufferable. But the worst part about the plot... is the fact that once again, the low-budget story sequences told through still images return. What's their excuse now? If it's a stylistic choice it's a damn cheap one. 

 Thankfully, one doesn't play Bayonetta for its story, The combat is still delicious, letting you equip Bayonetta's hands and feet with different weapon, thus allying for wildly different combat styles. You also get two pre-sets you can switch between in real time pressing R. It's as satisfying and fast paced as it was in the original game, and not much has changed. Dodging at the last possible moment rewards you with Witch time, which makes time slow down for your enemies for a short while. One new change, is that now you can use your Moon gauge in a different way. Punish attacks return, and work just like they did before, but you can also press L to enter Ultimate Climax for a short while, which makes you deal larger and stronger attacks for a short while. QTEs have been toned down a lot too, now being relegated to Counter Attacks or finishers, thank god!

 Bayonetta's combat was so good that it didn't really need to evolve, so it being like the first game but slightly better isn't a bad thing in this case, I mean, it's not like it's one of the archaic Lego games! This entry soups things up by making it more epic. The situations in which Bayonetta must battle in this game are nothing short of spectacular, as you fight over fallen debris, combat giant enemies or do battle as giant creatures fight behind you. Spectacle is something this game has got in spades.

 Another neat new thing, at least considering I played the PS3 version of the original game, is that the loading times are incredibly swift. You barely get any time to try out Bayo's combos! Also, beating the game unlocks Jeanne and beating the game in Hard mode unlocks Rosa. Both alternate characters play very similarly to Bayonetta, although they have different properties. Jeanne's Witch Time activation window is much smaller, and Rosa plays like a glass cannon, high damage output but very fragile.

 And then there's a new mode, Tag Climax, which you can play with a dumb AI partner or another player, locally or online. Tag Climax offers over 50 mini-arenas to play around with you, and you can use any of the playable characters. As you play these arenas, you may get 'random encounters' which allows you to unlock two other characters, Rodin and... well, a spoiler character. Sadly, they can't be used in Story Mode, but hey! It's not a bad extra.

 Bayonetta 2 is amazing. I still think the idea behind Bayonetta losing clothes as she fights is idiotic, making the camera slide through her body as she moves in the cringiest 'suggestive' poses makes her look dumb instead of sexy BUT the games are top-notch hack-and-slash extravaganzas that give Devil May Cry a run for its money. In some ways, I insist, the combat mechanics in the Bayonetta game's are superior, it's just that even Dante who I find to be kinda lame is still cooler that Bayonetta and her cringy 'sexy' disposition. Honestly, I can't believe that the developers look at the way Bayonetta poses and think 'this looks sexy' and not 'this looks dumb'. But alas, c'est la vie, Japan can't live without fanservice.

 9.5

Game #1233: Lego Marvel Super Heroes 2

 About as good as any modern Marvel movie.

 I think the Lego games are one of the most overrated videogame series in existence. Lego Marvel Super Heroes 2 is my third entanglement with the series, having tried one of the old Star Wars games and the first Batman entry, and I can tell you... I don't get it. I don't understand why people like these games so much. And this game is no different, for every high point... there were at least two shortcomings outweighing them.

 So, LMSH2 isn't based off of any particular story or movie, instead featuring Kang the Conqueror, as he meshes various places and eras together, thus, Wakanda is sitting only a few blocks away from Hala, which in turn is a few blocks away from Noir New York. That said, the Lego figures take after their MCU counterparts for the most part, which isn't something I'm particularly fond of. The story was alright, I guess, but I found it uninteresting and the humor fell flat on its face most of the time. Look, I hate the MCU's dumb humor, and tries to be as funny as, say, Dr. Strange, yet is just as unfunny.

 The game is... well, it's pretty much like any other Lego game you've ever played. You take control as any character from a massive who's who roster, and are joined by CPU applies, although another player can join you. Then you proceed to engage in brain-dead combat while solving very basic puzzles, or breaking down stuff so that you can hold down a button to build stuff and progress. It's honestly like any other game in the series, and I'm almost shocked at how little these games have evolved, considering they weren't ever much fun to begin with.

 What is sorta new, at least as far as the games I played, is that the game takes place in an Open World, and flying around it was really fun. Taking off as Star-Lord or Iron-Man and going from place to place felt really good... even if the camera gets bonked. I mean, the right analog stick turns into a secondary set of flying controls, so you lose control over the camera which was uncomfortable to say the least. Took a while for my muscle memory to remember that I lost control over the camera whenever I started flying. It's dumb, but you can get used to it, and, once again, flying around feels pretty darn nice.

 Both the open world and the missions have a lot of stuff you can break down, which feels really nice too, as there's a lot of destructibility for you play around with. The sound that plays when you collect studs is super satisfying as well. The game has a TON of stuff to do, from secrets to missions, so if you enjoy the game, there's a lot of game to get lost in, but...

 ... a lot of it is super repetitive. There's a bunch of racing missions, but I gave up on them as the physics got in the way all the time. Didn't manage to avoid a pedestrian? Too bad, crashing onto the kills your speed and will cost you the mission. Restarting the races was sometimes a pain in the rear too, since allied Lego would sometimes appear in front of you, once again, butchering your start. It was so annoying. And character missions, the ones that unlock playable characters, were the worst, you'd either have to find and speak with five NPCs, fly all over the world using a barely helpful radar collecting items, or follow the character and fight three waves of enemies, these latter missions are very tedious and boring. Easy, but they take forever.

 There are also bugs and glitches, lots of them, One of the first missions you can try on the overworld is about helping a guy with his play. But his son, the main actor, never spawns, so you don't ever get the reward for finishing the mission. You can soft-lock some missions too. Oh! And when I first attempted platform-circuits with Ms. Marvel I kept falling off of it, so I thought it was so buggy that the 2-D planes weren't too 2-D.... turns out, only that circuit was bugged, as it never happened again. OH! And this might be an issue only on the Switch, but it may take a few seconds for NPCs or mission-givers to spawn once you reach them.

 Puzzles are not the only thing you'll be doing in the game, there's also combat, and it was incredibly annoying. It's a Lego game, so stakes are very low and there's no penalty to death. And yet, enemies have incredibly lengthy periods of invincibility in which the only thing you can do is wait. Enemies carrying weapons are the worst, because their invincible attacks take forever, and you have to wait and wait for their invincibility periods to end so that you can sneak in some attacks before they start their animation again. These extends to bosses as well, but it's even worse because their attack animations are even lengthier and their life bars are even longer. Mordo was the worst of the bunch, that fight took forever. It wasn't even hard, just incredibly boring.

 And that's not even getting into specialty enemies. Some enemies have gold armor, so you need a character with heat beams, such as Ms. Marvel or Iron-Man to destroy their armors before anyone can hurt them. Then there are the ones with Diamond armors, in which case you need a character such as Iron-Man(Just make sure to have Iron-Man in your party) or Rocket-Raccoon to use an explosive on them before anyone else can hurt them. It's so annoying, it's perfectly possible to come around these enemies and not have any character that can break their armors, in which case you have to hold down the X button to swap in another character. Why? And the worst part is, your OWN team-mates may stand in the way of your explosives or beams, making it even harder to attack these bastards. And EVEN worse, the friendly AI is completely useless and will mostly stand around, doing nothing or getting in the way of your attacks, so you can't even trust them to use Iron-man and break down the armors of the armored enemies. And melee attacks? The auto-targeting system will just aim your attacks towards your allies if they are closer than an enemy. I remember this being a thing in previous games, why they never changed it is beyond me.

 The Electro 2099 fiht was something else. It makes you fight him THREE times, and every fight is identical to the last, you have to wait for him to expose himself THREE times so that you can hit him ONCE. And this identical fight is repeated THRICE. THRICE!!! This game is such a chore, I swear to god. But the worst levels are the ones that have endless enemy waves, so you are trying to do stuff while enemies constantly come out to annoy you.

 And the character roster is kinda lame too. No X-Men or Fantastic Four, instead we get Marvel versions of... King Arthur and Merlin? An undead Pharaon? Horus? Or oldschool characters nobody remembers such as Captain Corbet or Rawhide Kid. In the game's defense, there's, what, over 200 characters? Maybe more? But there are so many characters nobody cares about.

 Another thing I wasn't really fond of is the fact that you can't 100% percent any stage on your first attempt, for you see, the first time you play a stage you are forced to use a very specific team that won't be able to solve anything. You could see this as replay value, I see it as forcing you to play the ENTIRE game again just because. Once again, there's no penalty for dying, so there's no good reason you shouldn't be able to swap between your available characters on your first run through a stage.

 One thing I did think was brilliant was the character creator. There's so much fun stuff you can do with a customizable character, and so many different powers and abilities, and you can even customize those, such as changing how a projectile looks and where it comes out from. I had a blast creating my very own original character that could pretty much solve any puzzle, and fly, and shoot, and carry two swords... It was the best part of the game.

 But since I didn't like this game, I'd rather end on a sour note. The controls are sticky. Maybe it's the frame-rate on the Switch, but if the character you are playing as has hold-button abilities... when you mash to attack or perform a double jump, the game might read your input as a charge, thereby cancelling your attacks or jump, which was incredibly annoying. After I realized that I toggled off charge attacks for my Original Character and had the most fun I could with the game.

 I don't get it. I don't understand how this series of games have had so many entries while changing so little, considering the games have a very mediocre formula. The puzzles? Simple, repetitive. The combat? Cumbersome at best, a trainwreck at worst. The story? Unenjoyable. Honestly, I can't say I liked this game, and I officially give up on the Lego series. They are most definitely not for me. I won't deny I had fun at times, but the parts I didn't enjoy far outweigh the ones I did.

 3.5

Game #1232: Mario Strikers Charged

  You can almost TASTE the EDGE.

 Since the new Mario Strikers just released I decided that I had to play an older iteration, because what's better than being a contrarian? Thus, here I find myself, playing Mario Strikers Charged, Mario's second attempt at Soccer.

 One of the best things about this game is how EDGY it is. The official art is badass, and everyone looks ANGRY all the time. Because Soccer is serious business. I swear, these characters don't even get as angry as they do here in Smash Bros. And this extends to the game's cinematics, Mario and his usual suspects go HAM after scoring a goal, or, well, getting scored on. Seriously, both teams have a Kremling as a goalie, and sometimes, if they fail to catch the ball they'll throw it, in frustration, against their own teammates!! Pretty much the only character that remains cute-ish are the Shyguys, everyone else knows that Soccer is serious business.

 The game is played in teams of fives, each team has a Leader, a Goalie and 3 teammates. The leader role is taken by major Mario characters, such as Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Donkey Kong, Bowser, Wario or Yoshi, while teammates can be any combination of Hammer Bros, Drybones, Boos, Toads or others like these. It makes for a rather interesting assortment of characters, each with different stats. As you'd have guessed, leaders have more tools at their disposal, but teammates are no slouches. Take, for instance, Boos, who can disappear with the ball for a short while, perfect of scoring goals, or hammer bros who can throw hammers to flatten the goalie before landing a goal.

 The game feels good to play. You can pass and shoot the ball, I mean obviously, but you can also perform defensive moves, when you hold the ball, and offensive tackles to steal the ball. Every character has different ways of doing either. For instance, when it comes to dodging, Toads and Peach perform aerial flips with the ball, the mole digs down for a short while and then pops upwards, knocking down would-be ball-robbers, the Hammer Bro shoots a giant hammer downward, pushing away players, etc. It makes for a lot of fun. Every character has a different charged shot as well, which is, expectedly, by holding down the shoot button. The more you pass around the ball before attempting to shoot a goal, the more the ball will charge up, becoming faster and thus harder for the goalie to catch.

 Leaders have another tool under their disposal, the MegaStrike. It's very difficult to pull off because you have to charge for a long while and then time two button presses to a gauge, but if you manage to get it off you'll shoot between 3 to 6 balls towards the enemy net. In this case, the player on the defense must enter a first-person minigame in which you must try to swat the incoming balls using the Wiimote's pointer. Not my favorite mechanic, but considering how it's hard to actually get to shoot a Megastrike, it's not too bad.

 Any Mario sports game worth its salt has items, and this is no exception. Whenever you are tackled or shoot a semi-charged shoot you'll randomly get an item. From shells to bananas, as well as leader-exclusive abilities. It's sorta chaotic, but fun. Adding to this, the game has many different stadiums, and most of them have some sort of gimmick or obstacles, which is pretty cool. It's a really fun take on soccer.

 As for ways to play the game, there's the Striker's Cup, which is the closest thing the game has to a Story Mode, and this is where you unlock characters and stadiums. It's also a pain in the rear. There are three cups, but there are many matches to play before you get a cup. For instance, the first Cup is made up of about 10 matches. Six 'preliminary matches', a match against a rival, and then a best of three against one of the unlockable character. The next cup is 10 preliminary matches long, then two matches in the finals, then another best of three against another unlockable character. And if you lose AFTER the preliminary matches? Too bad, back to the preliminaries. It's incredibly painful, so I gave up after losing the Crystal Cup twice. The AI gets pretty tough too, and it sucks that a single late-match mistake can cost you the whole thing.

 Besides the Striker's Cup, you can play free matches against the CPU or another player, you get 12 Challenge Matches, and a pretty in-depth, but a bit boring, tutorial. It's not much, but honestly, it gets the job done, and the variety in characters and environments adds a lot of replayability to the game. Unless you settle on using the same teams every single time.

 Mario Strikers Charged is definitely a fun take on Soccer, one that someone that despises sports games can enjoy. It's also portrays the beloved cast Super Mario in a way you probably haven't seen before, which makes it sort of a curiosity for any Mario aficionado. I didn't like absolutely every mechanic, as things such as the first-person aiming were a bit wonky, and the items could've seen some balancing, but otherwise, I was left fairly satisfied with the game. 

 7.5

Game #1231: Trauma Center Second Opinion

 Medicine goes full anime.

 A few years ago I played Trauma Team and I quite enjoyed the game, vowing to play the entire franchise. Quite clearly, I didn't follow through, but hey, it's 2022 and I finally played Trauma Center: Second Opinion and I loved it.

 The game is sort of a puzzle/visual novel hybrid. The game follows an episodic structure, episodes you select from a list that unlocks in a linear fashion. Not every episode has a surgery for you to perform, but every episode will have dialogue between characters, represented by anime-style character cutouts, for you to read. Lemme tell you, the dialogue is very, very anime and thus, very, very cheesy. And I loved it. The story very quickly delves into anime fantasy, your main characters have THE HEALING TOUCH which allows them to slow down time, and in no time you'll be battling against a bio-terrorist group, so you have to do battle against GUILT parasites. It's super dumb, but fun-dumb. And did I mention the main character is named Derek Styles after the Nintendo DS? And the other main character, Nozomi Weaver after the Nintendo Wii.

 One thing, however, is that the story is incomplete. In a way. Y'see, Atlus has always been a bit slimy, and in what was probably a bid to get people to double dip, since this is a remake of the DS original, when the back of the box claims that this game has a 'new epilogue' it actually means that it has an alternate epilogue. When you reach chapter 6, you get a very brief summary of what happened in the end of the original DS game. Yes, the epic face-off against the terrorist leader? Better play the original game! Instead you get a new chapter that features the new Nozomi Weaver character. Man, it was such a let down, it kinda ruins the game's plot, in both pace and structure. It's such a huge blemish in what was otherwise an enjoyable script.

 But, after you are done reading through dialogue it's time to operate! The entire game is based on scoring, by being quick and precise, and not messing up. You've got an assortment of 8 tools you can select with the analog stick on the nunchuck, and then you use them with the Wiimote. Things such as sutures, forceps, a laser, a scalpel, healing serum are at your disposal, and they are all very intuitive. Coming off of Red Steel, lemme tell you, the controls in this game are delicious. The only issue I had, is that in order to use the Healing Touch you need to quickly draw a pentagram, and if you don't get it quite right... you'll lose time, which could mean failing the surgery. But then again, pretty much every surgery can be completed without it, so you'll only need it if you are bad at the game!

 The game works relatively well, but you'd better not spend too much time away, as the game sorta expects you to remember how to treat every virus. Failing my prompt the nurse to tell you what you are supposed to do, but still... Oh, and the final surgery of chapter 5 is sorta busted, if you use Healing Touch before the game uses it automatically you will soft lock the game, because you are expected to use it again, assuming you didn't use it before, in order to completely freeze time. Spoilers, I guess, but better safe than sorry.

 Trauma Center: Second Opinion was really good, and a fantastic use of the Wiimote. Not gonna lie, now I want to go through the entire series and experience the whole story.

 8.0

Game #1230: Koumajou Remilia - Scarlet Symphony

  Castlevania Hell.

 Look, inspiration is one thing but Koumajo Remilia: Scarlet Symphony went the whole 9 yards when it came to borrowing elements from Symphony of the Night. That said, the inspiration is mostly skin-deep. Y'see, when I first looked at screenshots I thought "Neat! Another 2-D Metroidvania!", but it's not! It's actually a Classicvania merged with bullet-hell mechanics.

 First thing you'll notice is that the game is kinda ugly. The 2-D sprites are fine, but the backgrounds are sort of a muddy mess of pixels that got airbrushed further out of recognition. What will strike you the most is the fact that about 80% of the enemies are almost ripped off wholesale from Castlevania, particularly the sprites they used in the Rondo of Blood/Symphony of the night era. The Minotaurs with the huge mallets, the skeletons are pretty much identical, et all. Pretty much the only original enemies are the floating anime fairy-type enemies that look completely out of place when compared to the rest of the enemy menagerie. The hand-drawn character portraits, however, are gorgeous. That said, the clock-tower stage, because of course they had to copy that too, has this quirk with sprites... everyone, meaning both you and the enemies, are about a millimeter or two OVER the actual ground. It drove me nuts! Oh! And they also copies the classic Classicvania final stairway to the boss. They were absolutely shameless.

 Basic gameplay follows after the Classicvania formula, Remilia, the playable heroine, is equipped with a whip, and your objective is, well, reaching the end of each stage. You can destroy candles to obtain souls that can be spent either in weak, useless bullets, when you are flying, or when calling in a sidekick to perform an assist attack, which is a bit more expensive(10 a pop) but way more useful. You'll gather these sidekicks as you play through the game.

 Ah, yes, flight. In this game you can just fly by pressing jump again after a jump. It's pretty much useless during most stages, although it makes some platforming easier, but it's real use comes when facing bosses. And this was kind of an issue, y'see, stages are straight up Classicvania affairs, jump and whip the opposition to the ground, and they are very easy. But bosses are a whole 'nother story. For someone such as me, who doesn't really like scrolling shoot'em ups nor plays them... bosses are incredibly hard, and the stages that come before the fight don't teach you or prepare you to get used to dodging these bullet curtains bosses will shoot at you. There's a Super Easy mode, for people like me, and when starting a new game you can start from any stage you've played previously, so if gets too unmanageable you can just lower the difficulty. I did after stage 5 I think, it got too hard and I didn't care about getting good at dodging pink glowing lemons.

 And that's the thing with this game... I really don't think the genre fusion worked very well. Stages and bosses feel like two very different elements that don't really work well with each other. Every time I reached a new boss I felt completely stumped since by the time I got to a new boss I got used to simpler, jump and gun(whip?) gameplay. Maybe this could work for someone who enjoys both genres, but clearly, I don't belong to that niche. It's also fairly short, after you are done with all 8 stages you unlock a bonus, long stage that has you fighting against some of the bosses from the main campaign and ends on a new boss.

 Koumajo Remilia: Scarlet Symphony was a very forgettable experience. Honestly, the only things worth talking about are its excellent hand-drawn art and how amusing trying to pinpoint every single thing it borrowed from Castlevania was! I think the game could've worked much better if the stages themselves had challenges that involved dodging stuff, in order to prepare you for the bosses. And even then, I'm not sure how much I liked the flight mechanic in the game.

 4.5

Game #1229: Red Steel

 This game should not have gotten a sequel. 

 I think Red Steel 2 is one of the best games on the Wii. It looks fantastic and the gameplay is glorious, even if it will leave your arm feeling sore. The original Red Steel  however... Let's just say that it deserves the reputation it gets, and it should've never received a sequel... but thankfully it did.

 About the only thing that this game has in common with its sequel is the fact that it's a first-person shooter that involves guns and katanas, and that's where it ends. In this one you play as Mighty Whitey, a white guy that gets accepted by the Yakuza and you delve into their affairs, becoming better at everything that they do. It's a tired trope, but there's a certain charm to it, there's a reason the 'white American joins the Yakuza and becomes the best' plot keeps getting resurrected. The graphics are relatively good, all things considered, although the cutscenes are boring comic-book style cutouts, and the voice acting... is mediocre, the terrible dialogue doesn't help the voice actors.

 First things first, the menus are hideous. The icons are in Japanese, so you must hover over every option and read the fine print below on the screen. Why? And you must drag and drop whatever option, symbolized by an icon in Japanese, into the center of the screen in order to pick them. What a waste of time. Oh, and the disc is INCREDIBLY noisy. I thought it might be my copy, since I got the game used, but nope, the game sometimes spins like crazy and makes the drive blurt the most awful noises.

 The good news is that it's a first person shooter on the Wii. Aiming feels naturals, so shooting down baddies feels very satisfying. Sometimes. Y'see, I thought my WiiMote was dying, but it's a known bug... the aiming-reticule just bugs out when you move out of the center of the screen. It's very annoying. But I did some digging, turning off the Wiimote's audio fixes it. Or at least it did after I turned it off and gave the system a restart. It did alleviate it a lot when I first turned it down, although it kept happening a few times. Regardless, turn the Wiimote's volume off and the game becomes playable, and actually fun.

 ... Kinda. They overdid it with motion controls. Grenades? Swing the nunchuck. Reload? Swing the nunchuck. Open a door, and there are many? Swing the nunchuck. Press a button? Swing the nunchuck. Pick up another weapon? Swing. The. Nunchuck. The reload is particularly annoying, because if you are standing over another weapon, and don't notice it, you'll swap weapons instead of reloading. Very annoying in the middle of a firefight.

 On the flip side, there's a relatively neat mechanic, you can hold down A to 'lock' onto an enemy, so the camera will try to keep track of them for you. You can zoom into the screen by moving the Wiimote towards the screen. It's awkward, but it's not too bad.

 After a short while, you unlock focus shooting. Basically, killing enemies fills a gauge, and you can use that gauge to freeze time, by holding down A+C, and carefully aim your shots. This way, you can shoot at an enemy's gun to disarm them, then move the Wimmote up and down to force them to surrender. This gives you Respect Points, or as the game calls them, 'Respects'. 50 respects per surrendered enemy.

 As you amass respects, you can unlock guns at the armory, as well as new Katana moves at the dojo. You visit these two places in between most missions. There's one teeny tiny issue with the unlocked guns... you must slowly wait for them to respawn to fill your ammo. Take my favorite gun, you take it from the armory... and it comes with 3 bullets. And it caps out at 30. You must slowly wait for it to respawn 10 times before you get full ammo. It's completely idiotic.

 The rest of the game is, well, it's pretty much like most FPS of its era. You have regenerating health, although in this case it's displayed as a health bar instead of just the screen getting redder. You are also limited to only two guns.

 Up to now, we have a subpar first-person shooter. Shooting feels fun, the shootouts ARE fun... but the aiming glitch is inexcusable, and there's too much unnecessary Wiimote and Nunchuck waggling and swinging for my taste.

 But, y'see, every now and then an enemy will be waiting for you, an enemy wielding a sword. In which case you'll bring out your own Katana and engage in a duel. They are terrible. You have to Swing the nunchuck to block or parry, use the C button to dodge or swing the Wiimote to attack. First of all, the controls are super unresponsive. Plenty of times you'll swing either joystick and your action won't come out. But as you play through the game, these duels get incredibly tough, as you barely get time to react to decide whether to dodge or parry. Heck, you'll face against enemies that even if you dodge, if you try to immediately attack they'll block it, or worse, parry it and instantly counter attack. Add this to unresponsive swinging, and they wear out their welcome fast.

 Dueled enemies can be Spared or Killed. There's absolutely no point to killing them because you get NOTHING. Sparing them gets you Respects, which in turn unlock stuff such as new moves. Sometimes, sparing them will lead you to bonus goodies. Kill them and you gain absolutely nothing. The ending depends on a certain action at the end of the game, so you aren't even collecting Karma points.

 Red Steel misses the mark by a long shot. I get it, I do, they wanted to showcase the Wiimote's functionality... but they didn't, it only showcased its weaknesses. I mean, just by taking out the annoying sword duels it would've made it a better game, and when removing one of the signature elements of your game makes it better... you know you've got a problem. Really, had Ubisoft just focused on making a working first person shooter, with no Katana swinging, it would've made for a better game. Regardless, it all worked out for the best, as Red Steel 2 wound up making up for this game and then some. 

 3.5

Game #1228: M&M's Shell Shocked

 It's amazing, M&M's has so many games, and ALL of them are PUTRID. 

 Now this, this was the M&M's game I wanted to get, the Crash Bandicoot clone, M&M's Shell Shocked. This was the good one, not like the one on the Wii, this one was supposed to be decent, since it borrows a good game's blueprint! Turns out, it just might be the worst.

 What threw me off at first was that I was expecting a 3-D platforming game that played like Crash Bandicoot, and yet, the first three levels are driving stages. They are OK. It doesn't make much sense for Yellow M&M to be avoiding crazy traffic, but hey, it's not awful by any stretch. You also get funny FMVs every three stages. Which, you know, pretty neat. So, you get to the fourth level... and it's a Crash Bandicoot clone!

 Yellow M&M can jump, bounce on boxes and enemies and even gets his very own spin attack. Your main collectible are M&Ms which are obtained by breaking boxes. There's even red BOMB boxes that explode after three seconds, like Crash's TNT boxes, and Green boxes that instantly kill you. Brown boxes hide power ups, such as higher jumps or an extra hit. In Crash Bandicoot an extra hit is clearly symbolized by having Aku Aku flying next to you. Here... you get a small hardhat symbol at the bottom of the screen. Oh, and there's also a speed up power up.... which is absolute garbage, as it makes you too fast. Bonus stages have you running towards the camera, much like a few stages in Crash Bandicoot.

 It's not too soon before you'll realize that the collision detection in this game is horrible. So many times I died because I was CLOSE to the chocolate spill, but didn't even touch it. Sometimes you won't even notice why you died or took a hit, did you touch a wall? Too bad, you die. Why? Who knows.

 It doesn't stop there, the jumping, the most basic of functions, feels off. It seems you fall to the ground too quickly. You don't bounce from jumping on top of Bomb boxes, which is very weird, and using the spin attack to break boxes just feels.... wonky. Some boxes offer a very slight resistance that pushes you back a bit, instead of just letting you plow through them, like in Crash. It really doesn't feel good to play this game.

 Remember the collision detection issues? This holds true for platforming. Sometimes you'll swear that you should've landed on top of a box, but the game decides that you should fall to your death. Oh, and if you jump off a moving platform... you keep the momentum. Say, you jump forward from a platform that is moving left? You'll be pushed left as you jump forward, sometimes even holding right won't be enough to help you land safely on were you wanted to land. If you jump off a floor that pushes you backward, once again, you'll have something pushing your jump backwards. It's awful.

 And I don't know how they managed to do it, but some platforming challenges are hard to understand, because it's hard to gauge if some platforms are moving upwards or forwards. How? How did they manage to make such a nightmarish visual effect?

 The third sets of stages was the absolute worst by far, perfectly encapsulating why this game is so terrible. First of all, you are constantly running over a conveyor belt, so you've got momentum against you when it comes to platforming. Then, there's the fact that even though there's perfectly solid looking ground below the conveyor belt... you can't touch it. Just make it look like a bottomless pit then, otherwise it makes no sense.

 Then there's the collision detection issue. In one of the stages I was trying to land on top of a grey, metal box. And I was always dying ON TOP of the box. This meant I was landing on it. So I thought that maybe metal boxes were meant to be obstacles... only for me to, only seconds later, perfectly land on another metal box. This is how bad the collision detection can get.

 And then, probably on the third stage of this third set, there's a part in which a door opens and there's a gap between conveyor belts. You can't jump between them, because the momentum won't let you... you must run through the gap. And you'll make it just fine. Play the stage a bit longer, and another door will open at the last minute, revealing another gap. But you must jump this one. Not that I died because I tried to run through it, as when the door opened I didn't have enough time to stop running forward and jump.

 No lie, this is one of the worst games I have ever played. Ever. It's an absolute disgrace, and I actively hate anyone involved in the making of this game. It's broken to the point that it's almost unplayable, and it's incredible how they even managed to even moving around feel terrible. Honestly, it doesn't get much worse than this.

 0.5