Game #999: Tiny Tank

  Sets out to prove once and for all that size doesn't matter.

 Back in the 90's I had no way of avoiding Tiny Tank ads while I read my gaming magazines. It looked so rad! Plus, he was yellow, my favorite color! I guess Tiny Tank and Buck Bumble were the two tiny yellow heroes I never got to play, but always wanted to.

 Tiny Tank is a third-person shooter with a few original ideas to its name. Most defeated enemies drop weapons that you can equip on the four corners of Tiny's base, two shoot forward, two shoot backwards. Furthermore, enemies may drop P-Brains, green orbs, that you can shift at any moment between your guns in order to strengthen them, you can even enhance your basic gun, Tiny's nose cannon. Placing a P-Brain on one of your secondary weapons has the added      of making it so that the next gun you pick up won't replace it.

 The shooting will take some getting used to. For the most part it works well enough, and when there are few enemies on screen it's pretty decent. Thing is, Tiny's automatic lock-on isn't always very smart, sometimes he'll prioritize aiming towards an enemy that's behind a wall next to you rather than the enemy that is actually in front of you. You can slowly rotate Tiny's head, but it ain't good enough. There's no sidestepping, but rather, step-jumping and step-jump-rolling, it's not the best movement system ever, but it's serviceable.

 Level design varies from stage to stage. It's a short game, 13 levels in all, but some objectives can be hard to figure out how to actually complete, while others are much simpler. It's a tough game, like most games of the era, so it's to be expected some trial and error. That said, some levels, like the snow slide, are lives sinks that aren't much fun. The platforming isn't the best either.

 Where I give the game the most credit is in its humor. There are cutscenes every now and then in which Tiny's bleeped foul-mouthed attitude is up in full display, and through levels themselves you'll hear the main villain interviewed by radio hosts as he talks about your shenanigans. It's a funny game that got a few chuckles outta me.

 I'm sure I would've loved this game back in the day, but sadly, it's a bit too clunky for my modern tastes. The game requires patience, not only because you need to learn levels if you want to get to the end, but because you have to contend with less than stellar controls and sub-optimal combat mechanics. And mind you, it's not terrible, far from it, I'm sure that back in the day it was about on par, or even a bit more innovative, than anything else in the market, but nowadays its age is starting to show. That said, the game is worth experiencing for its humor alone.

 6.0