Chocobo is one mean salesman.
Considering it's a third-party Switch exclusive, the game looks very pretty. Add to that a super catchy theme song and you've got quite a stunner. It also features a relatively large roster of characters to play with, including Terra, Steiner and Vivi. Remember how neat it was to be able to unlock Squall, Cloud and Aya Brea in the original? Well, if you've got money you can get Squall and Cloud again, because they are part of the insidious money-grabbing practices Square ingrained in the game.
Y'see, there are three types of currencies: Tickets, which you can slowly earn, albeit less slowly if you patch the game, that can be used to buy some characters, vehicles and colors. Then there are Coins, which can only be earned by playing offline, so if you aren't paying Nintendo's monthly subscription you won't be playing as Squall any time soon. Lame. And then there are Crystals, that cost real money, and these is how you purchase season tickets. And yes, of course, some characters are locked behind crystals. Cloud can't even be obtained nowadays, as he was a Mythril crystal exclusive.
Thankfully, the core game is actually pretty decent. There are two Speed types for every mode: Beginner and Master, so even if you suck at mascot racers you still stand a chance. For modes you get Online GPs, Free VS CPU/Local Players racing, Series(Basically, Grand Prixes), Time Trial and, lastly, Story Mode. Story Mode is pretty neat, reminiscent of the original's story, although it feels as if Chocobo takes a backseat to the Moogle, Atla. The story is very infantile, so it probably won't be very funny to anyone older than 10, but hey, I appreciate its inclusion. It sort of works like a tutorial as well, as it slowly explains how different power ups work and what not.... but if you've been reading the Loading Screen tips you'll probably know about them way before the Story Mode.
The game plays pretty much like any mascot racer post Mario Kart 64, with drifting letting you charge micro-turbos to gain an edge on the competition. You can also gain mini-turbos by jump right a you leave a ramp, much like mascot racers post Mario Kart Wii. You also have to be on the lookout for Magicite Crystals, which are your power-ups. Fire Balls, Water traps, tornadoes, etc. If you are falling behind, you can even turn into Bahamut for a short while, much like Mario Kart's Bullet Bills. Originality is not this game's forte. You have three different magicite slots, if you are lucky and get more of the same spell you'll power it up, up to two times, or you can have another spell in the backburn. Lastly, there's a feather gauge that slowly fills up, once full you can spend it on your character's unique ability. Chocobo gets invulnerability and extra speed for a little while, Ifrit shoots forward a giant flame wall, Fat Chocobo becomes invisible, etc. Not every character's ability is as good as the others, but at least it's got something original going for it.
The game features 11 basic tracks, but most of them have some sort of variation(Long, Speed, Technical) that repurposes assets to make different courses. It's a bit lacking if compared to other mascot racers, but it gets the job done, it's an acceptable amount of tracks. You can customize racers with different vehicles, that actually change how the mode looks, as well as the color of their vehicle, which is rather neat, although earning enough tickets to purchase everything will take a long, long while. Even after patching the game.
The worst bit about Chocobo GP is that it's actually really fun to play. It's not the best mascot racer, but the driving feels solid, and while it's lacking in originality, everything it does it does relatively well. But the game could've used more tracks, and the whole microtransaction business ranges from slimy to downright nasty.
7.0
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