Game #1031: Star Wars Episode II - Attack of the Clones

  Should've stayed in a galaxy far, far away.

 I never, ever forgot about Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones for the GBA because it was one of the worst games I had ever played on the system. That holds true even now. It looks, plays and feels like a Chinese bootleg NES game, no wonder THQ lost the license.

 The game takes 11 stages to cover the plot from the movie, and thankfully it's about an hour long, so your suffering ends quickly. You play as this ugly, gigantic sprite of either Anakin or Obi-Wan, as well as Mace Windu in a single level, as you go through some of the most boring stages ever devised. It also has 3 vomit-inducing first-person flying stages that go on for too long. Well, some of the main stages, like the Tattooine level and the factory level also feel like they go on forever. Constantly going left-to-right, praying that the enemy waves end one day.

 The game is a beat'em up, but it's so stiff. Your characters take like half a second to turn around, and sometimes after landing from a jump your character won't react to your inputs. Attack is so weird, you must hold down the A button and then press different directions on the directional pad to perform different attacks. Your sprite is gigantic, and as you go from left to right, enemies will fly or run towards you giving you no time to react to them, so sometimes it's safer to just move around by performing jumping kicks. You also get Force Powers, your force gauge fills automatically up to certain point, but to charge it past the threshold, and perform stronger attacks, you need to pick up orbs left behind by fallen enemies.

 The only force power you can perform at the level it automatically refills to is the Super Jump.... a technique that is required to proceed on some levels. Do you know what this means? Some levels will have you WAITING for the gauge to refill so that you can continue super jumping forward. Whose idea was it?? I demand names. Oh, and the game runs on passwords. Fun times.

 Attack of the Clones looks and plays like garbage, and it's boring to boot too. I've no qualms in saying that this is the game I hate the most on the system, no redeeming qualities whatsoever, not a single positive to its name. NOTHING. The game is as lifeless as Anakin's delivery. I went there.

 0.5