Game #1196: 300 - March to Glory

 This is NOT Sparta. 

 Imagine, if you will, a hack and slash game set in the world of 300, and not adding the 'This is SPARTA!' as an attack move. That should tell you all you need to know about 300: March to Glory.

 Back in my edgier years I used to love Frank Miller, and y'know, even as I realized that he really doesn't get Batman or Superman, I still thought that his original work, namely Sin City and 300 was pretty dope. So you could say I have a sort of soft spot for 300. This game follows a truncated version of the plot from the comic book, omitting all the additions the movie added but adding a few of its own. The story is told via narrated comic book-inspired illustrations, and to be fair, they look pretty similar to Frank Miller's own artstyle, so I'll give it a pass.

 The game is a pretty linear beat'em up in which you play as Leonidas and murder your way through the Persians. You have two small movesets, you can fight with a sword and shield or a spear and shield, and later, you unlock a double-sword style that trades blocking for dodging. In any weapon style, you get three attack buttons: Weak Slash, Strong Slash and a shield attack, the latter works to stun enemies. The sword is fast, while the spear is the only weapon that can destroy enemy shields, which is a decent idea, although the spear is kinda weird, because you need to time your button presses if you want the full four hit combo. It's annoying, since you can simply mash buttons with the sword. On another note, the heavy attacks are just too darn slow, I pretty much used the weak attacks throughout the entire game.

 Dealing damage fills your rage meter, which can be used for rage attacks(R+Weak slash or Strong slash) or for one of four abilities: Bonus strength coupled with life steal, healing, auto-defense and slo-mo. The first two are the only ones you really need. Then there's the crouch block, performed by holding down L+R, you'll need to get used to this, because every now and then the screen will darken, indicating a flurry of arrows, which you must block like so. Something that annoyed me quite a bit about this, is that these arrow volley will hurt your enemies, potentially killing them... and robbing your of XP! Oh, and you are usually forced an ally, and these allies just LOVE to sneak in the killing blow on an enemy and steal your XP. Incredibly annoying.

 At first the game was fun, a bit simple, but a nice time waster. But then the game starts adding unnecessary complexities. Some enemies can only be killed by stunning them first. Sure, you have a SINGLE attack combo that stuns them, but fair enough. Then others need to be knocked down, which is when it starts getting annoying because unless you purchase the knockdown combo, you need to use RAGE+Weak attack. Others need to be kill with Rage +Strong, which requires even more rage, and then, for others, you need to use the Blood Lust rage ability. It's so annoying, and if you don't have enough rage... you need to mindlessly hit these enemies until you have enough rage. Horrible game design.

 As if that wasn't enough, yet another enemy in the game is the camera, as there's absolutely no control over it, and the angles the games decides to grace you with aren't very useful. Oh, and the bosses? They aren't particularly hard, but they take forever, but because you both very slowly chip their health away and, sometimes, waiting for their vulnerability frames takes forever.

 There are also Phalanx sections, in which you move forward very slowly as a group of Spartans, spearing enemies to death. It's kinda wonky, because arrow volleys will happen, and if it so happens that both enemies AND arrows reach you at the same time... the enemies will break your defense and push you away, and there's nothing you can do to prevent that damage.

 One thing I liked was the upgrade system. While there are not many combos available for purchase, you can, however, upgrade your equipment which changes how they look, which I felt was pretty cool.

 300: March to Glory is a very passable beat'em up. It's a bit fun, at times, but the shortcomings just keep on piling up, making for a rather dull time.

 5.0