Game #950: Dirge of Cerberus - Final Fantasy VII

  Final Fantasy VII hasn't been Final since a few Fantasies ago...

 Final Fantasy VII is my favorite game of all time, there's a reason I sing its praises every chance I get. It's also why I hate every single spin-off, because Squeenix was quick to squeeze the cow that kept on giving, but it seems that every time they try to expand on FF VII they make it worse. It's why I like FFVII in a vacuum, as the world it has developed is anything but interesting, flanderizing characters such as Cloud who is emo in Advent Children while he was always very uppity and sassy, or how they make the story worse, such as introducing clones of Hojo and Sephiroth in Crisis Core, thus cheapening the original characters. I try to make every 50th and 100th game be meaningful to me in some way, be it hype or memories, so why not delve into Dirge of Cerberus - Final Fantasy VII for entry number 950?

 A third-person shooter starring optional actually-angsty hero Vincent Valentine? It's Shadow the Hedgehog all over again! I doubt anybody asked for this game to exist, least of all me, so my expectations were at an all time low, plus, reviews weren't kind to this game. And yet.... And yet.... I actually liked it. I'm not saying it's amazing, but... I had fun most of the time I actually got to play the game, for you see..... Let's just say that the tutorial represents the game in a nutshell. Y'see, first thing I did was drop into the tutorial, it made sense and it was completely optional, and the game spent like 10 minutes to teach me how to move around. 10 minutes to teach me how the left analog stick moved my character. I'm not kidding. The game has you running around, moving the camera around and then doing both for over 10 minutes. It's like a tutorial for babies.

 And then you start the game itself and eventually you'll get to play. Eventually, because sometimes cutscenes go on and on and on and on. And it'd be one thing if the script was actually interesting, but the plot is so boring. It delves into Vincent and Lucrezia's past while also introducing new characters, mostly villains from a group called 'Deepground'. The new characters are so boring, Shelke and Shalua particularly, and for whatever reason the game tries so hard to sell you on Shalua, but she's such a generic 'broken bird that learns about true companionship' anime character archetype that she only comes off as boring. It doesn't help that her voice acting is particularly dull. And the script can be so needlessly melodramatic, like Vincent saying he was like a stone lying in the middle of a river and what not. So you are left with a ton of endless, boring cutscenes. I don't think even the original Final Fantasy VII, an RPG, had as many lengthy unplayable scenes. And avoid triggering the secret ending bit, because it has not-Sephiroth(Genesis) in it, and not-Sephiroth is one of the worst things to ever happen to FFVII.

 On the other hand... I loved seeing the original cast of characters in PS2-era graphics. Sure, Cloud, Tifa and Barret only have CG models, and Red XIII only gets 5 seconds of screen-time, but it was still very satisfying. The game also brought into the PS2-era a few basic enemies as well as a few key locations, like Nibbleheim's manor.... to the point that it made me wish we had received a proper, real remake during this era instead of the pompous stealth-sequel that we got on the PS4 era. But I digress, what matters is that this game looks amazing, with very detailed character models and a surprisingly consistent framerate.

 Well, I did mention I had fun with the game, didn't I? For as basic as the mechanics are, I found it a fun third-person shooter. Vincent is not the most nimble character ever, but moving around while aiming and shooting felt pretty decent. You can also use magic or a somewhat sloppy melee attack combo. You can equip up to three different gun configurations and cycle between them while you fight. Yes, gun configurations, while the game offers you a Gun, Machine Gun and a Rifle.... you could equip three rifles and be on your way.

 For you see, the game offers a surprisingly fun customization system. You can upgrade your frames(Gun, MG or Rifle) and each one has three different routes you can upgrade them in(Power, Speed, All-rounder). Then there are different parts you can attach, such as scopes or accessories to boost different parameters, as well as a magic slot. Tailoring your guns towards your playthrough was a great idea, and I wasn't expecting something like this in a third-person shooter spin-off from FF.

 The game is divided into 12 chapters, and after each chapter your amassed experience points can be used to level up, and increase your basic stats, or turn them into money, in order to upgrade your weapons. Chapters are not too long by themselves, but if you factor in the cutscenes... oh boy. Stages are very simple, sometimes you might get optional, bonus objectives, such as trying to protect a group of NPCs, but nothing too complicated, nor are there puzzles to solve, it's very straight-forward game. That said, early in the game they shoe-horned a pretty bland stealth section in which you play as Caith Sith. It's boring, it's dumb and it's clunky, but it's mercifully short and you're NEVER forced to do it again, making you wonder why they even put it in in the first place.

 As someone that love Final Fantasy VII but hates its spinoffs... I'm surprised to say that the one that received the least critical acclaim was the one I liked the most. I think it has to do with the fact that most of the new story is inoffensive if not very boring, but the simplicity of its gameplay made it a relatively fun time waster... at least when I actually got to play it.

 7.0