Review #462: Stretch Panic

 Would it be a stretch to call it a boss rush?

God, I miss the Treasure logo. Where are they now? Oh, right, Capcom kept their games in Japan. 

 Stretch Panic is.... it's not a game for everyone that's for sure. Developed by Treasure, it follows their trademark style of being a glorified boss rush, albeit one with unique game mechanics. It's weird, it can be dull but it's also brilliant.

 Linda has 12 sisters, but tragically, all 13 sisters get possessed by the Demons of Vanity. These demons twist the sisters into perverted versions of their likes, wants and things they're proud about. As luck would have it, Linda's only proud about her scarf, so it's her scarf that gets possessed... but Linda is able to control it at will. The possessed Scarf has the ability to make everything it grabs stretchy and soft, and it's with this ability that Linda sets out to exorcise her sisters and beat a bunch o' big breasted demon women, because this game is weird. Very weird.

The game's artstyle is phenomenal. The right amount of quirky, weird and cute.

 The Left analog stick moves Linda around, while the Right analog stick moves the Scarf. L1 can be used to lock onto enemies or objects, while you hold R1 to extend your scarf, which will grab onto anything that it comes into contact with. Here comes the fun part, once the scarf grabbed onto something, you can the stretch and let go, with the analog stick, to deal a little bit of damage. You can twist the right analog stick around before letting go for extra damage.. or you can twist it over and over again to initiate a flying torpedo attack, with Linda's body being the torpedo! You can also tap R3 to shoot Linda over whatever you are holding onto, or tap R3 and L3 to use a Scarf Bomb, 5 points per use! It sounds like a lot, and it can be a bit overwhelming until you get your hands on the controller.

 The game's first issue comes in the form of how imprecise everything is. Linda moves very slowly, but she also slides all over the place. Moving the Scarf exactly where you want it to go can also be a bit imprecise. You will get used to it, and the game isn't so hard as for this to be a really huge problem, but it's something worth mentioning.

Yes, those are giant breasts. No, they are not natural. They are demonic.

 The game's almost a boss rush, however, entering a boss room requires points(Anything from 1 to 6 points). These points are earned by entering any of the 4 EX stages an defeating giant-breasted enemies, and depending on how you beat them, you can get anywhere from 1 to 4 points per demon, each EX stage holding about 10 of them. You'll probably have to grind for points quite often, plus, the Scarf Bomb requires 5 points to even attempt it, and you will have to if you want to get to the ending, since exorcising the sisters is a must.

 Once you get over the dumb grind for points you'll finally enter a sister's room and now the game gets good. Each of the 12 sisters is very unique, both in looks and how to defeat them. While you could easily, but tediously, just snap-attack your way to the end(provided you learn how to dodge their attacks), each boss battle is a bit of a puzzle. A puzzle in figuring out how to deal the most damage to them(Each sister has a different weakness!), and figuring out the best moment to unleash a Scarf attack, for massive damage and to exorcise the demon. There was not a single dull boss in the game, it helps that the game sports such a quirky, weird and surreal graphical style.

The Playstation 2 was in its infancy, but Treasure got the most out of the simplistic graphics they employed.

 Stretch Panic is a game unlike most others, and as such, it's a game that won't appeal to most since it's not a high-octane action game, or a platform-filled adventure game or a story-driven game. It's its own thing, and it takes pride in it. It also comes with a few problems that might make it hard to recommend to those that don't enjoy this band of quirkiness, like barely passable controls, poor camera and the need to grind for points. Honestly, you'll know if this game is for you just by looking at screenshots or videos.
 8.0 out of 10