Game #1264: The Thing

 Calling it a thing might be a bit disrespectful

 Despite my dislike for survival horror games back then, The Thing was one of the few I actually owned. I never got very far in it, though! This is sort of a sequel to the movie of the same name, about 10 years separated at that! It's quite faithful to the lore of the movie, so back in the day, it received quite a bit of praise. Not every aspect of the game held up, but it's still a pretty interesting game that did some very original things.

 You play as series newcomer Blake, who gets to explore the snow base that was infested with the thing. Throughout the game you'll be escorted by up to four NPCs that make up your Squad. To simulate the paranoia characters felt in the movie, anyone can turn into the thing. Or that's how it was sold, now that the game has been thoroughly dissected, the truth is... everyone but you is scripted to turn at some point, however, they could turn earlier if they spend too much time fighting The Thing. There are blood tests you can use to test your allies, or to test yourself to increase their Trust in you, but it's possible to test an ally, get a negative test, and then have them transform in the next room you enter because that's their scripted transforming point. That said, if a character dies before he reaches its scripted transformation part, you will still get a game over, for you see, certain squad member are needed to get through certain stages, so if they die... it's game over. Which feels unfair, since sometimes a squadmate will get killed and you won't get a game over for it, and there's no way to tell which ones the game considers 'necessary' for the stage and which ones it doesn't. Still, considering when the game released, I think they did their best at bringing one of the key elements of the movie into the game, as dynamically as they were able to at the time. 

 What didn't age so well was the whole squad thing. Every member has a different role, there are soldiers, which are good in combat, medics, that work as infinite health packs so you'd better do your best at keeping them alive, and mechanics, which can fix stuff you can't. You get very limited control over them, you can tell them to follow you or to stay, in the case of a mechanic, order him to fix something, but they won't listen to you if they don't trust you. They'll also attack anything in sight. In order to gain their trust you can give them ammo or even weapons, as well as test your blood in front of them. There are a few neat mechanics, such as them possibly freaking out, in which case you'd better get them out of the room or use an adrenaline shot on them.

 Not only are squad commands limited, the AI is a bit dumb. A few times my NPC allies were too dumb to get to where I was, and they LOVE to get in your line of fire, as a matter of fact, sometimes it feels as if they are purposely trying to get shot. It's that bad. And sometimes it's kinda weird, if you finish a stage but your allies are not close enough... you lose them, at least the ones that aren't necessary to progress. For instance, one stage ends with you escaping a timed bomb. I was so fast that the bomb caught two of my buddies during the cutscene(Which looked hilarious) while the third one looked at me. Next stage I start off alone. I looked a video online, and somebody started the very next stage with their allies in tow. It's kinda dumb.

 The thing is not an easy enemy to defeat. The small creatures sure are, but the big enemies need to be disposed of with fire. It's usually a good idea to have a teammate with a fire weapon to aid in that regard. The game, at least on PS2, relies on an Auto-fire... and it kinda sucks when it comes to fire weapons, as it is all to easy to get burned yourself. I think the issue is that the auto-aim goes low. You can also aim in first person, but you lose most mobility, making it cumbersome. Swapping weapons on the go can be a bit annoying too, when it comes to switching to a fiery weapon.

 There's another element to the game, the cold. Whenever you are outside you have to be quick, as if you stay in the cold for too long you'll start taking damage. And then, the second half of the game introduces human enemies. In the later parts it gets downright brutal, I ran out of medikits a few times and had to manage through the skin of my teeth. Heck, bosses seem impossible to take down without taking damage, and near the end of the game there's an escape sequence with stuff exploding all around you that feels unfair, with some stuff that is pretty much impossible to avoid.

 Midway through the game, there's this part that strips you of all your weapons and items. I was super mad, because I worked hard to save up as many medikits and grenades as I could, only to have everything taken from me. However, the next level was super interesting, because, for example, there's a medic carrying the only gun you'll see in a while, but you can't take it since he doesn't trust you, so you have to give him ammo. Now you can choose to take his gun, and hope he doesn't go insane and kill himself, or bring him with you. These area has a ton of doors and rooms you can operate, so now you have to lure in the big enemies, the ones you don't have fire to defeat with, and try to lock them inside these rooms! It's very unnerving.

 It's a bit clunky and it hasn't aged the best, but damn it if it doesn't have a lot of heart. There was a lot of love for the source material here, and the game is a pretty neat take on the survival horror genre. That said, what we've got here is a decent game, somewhat held back by many small issues.

 6.0

Game #1263: Little Nightmares Complete Edition

 No children were harmed in the making of this game... I think.

 You thought I was done with my Halloween Horrorfest because of a few outliers? You thought wrong, as me and my girlfriend just got done with Little Nightmares: Complete Edition. The game is sort of a cinematic platformer, think Prince of Persia, but in 3-D, and with a few stealth elements thrown in for good measure.

 In the game you play as a tiny, literally, girl named six. Everything around her is enormous, even the tiniest of chairs towers above her. The environments are grey and blue, they look and feel damp and cold, a stark contrast to Six's yellow raincoat. She is only armed with a lighter, that can help you look around you, but it's not too soon before strange creatures start appearing. And man, oh man, does the art direction deserve praise, the humanoid creatures Six must avoid look disgusting without resorting to gore. In some ways, the game reminded me of Chihiro/Spirited Away, albeit doubling down on the horror elements and removing any whimsical element.

 Besides her lighter, Six can jump, sprint and grab, be it objects or ledges. That's all the tools you get, and the game is a nice mixture of puzzle solving, platforming and stealth, in order to avoid the creatures that mean you harm. For the most part it works relatively well, although sometimes it can be a bit finicky. You might jump towards a ledge, but if you are too close to a corner or something, Six won't be able to pull herself up. It's not too bad, and during the most tense and exciting set pieces the controls always worked.

 The game also includes every DLC chapter, which amounts to three bonus chapters in which you play as another kid, the Runaway Kid. Everything I said about Six's adventure holds true for the DLC, although you do face a few other creatures. That said, the DLC is more challenging, and I don't in a good way. We had to look up guides numerous times, for instance, near the end of the first chapter there's a TV. And a monster breaks down the platform in which it stands, much like it did with a previous platform. The TV falls down and electrifies the water a short while, then you have to run over the TV as it spins in the water in order to survive. And then you can't do anything other than die, 'cause even though the TV electrified the water the monster is still alive. What were you supposed to do? Push the TV on top of the monster to drop them both together, and this time it will actually fry the monster. Why does it work this way and not mine? How would I have noticed I was supposed to push the TV on top of the monster before it broke the platform instead of staying on top of it? I don't know.

 So here's the thing... despite some finicky movement here and there, the game is very original thanks to a very strong art direction, and it has some very exciting moments... but the nature of the beast is that this game, just like the 2-D cinematic platformers of yesteryear, is very much trial and error. You'll be presented with obstacles that might not always be quite so obvious how you are supposed to proceed, so you are expected to die a bunch of times, sometimes even seconds after respawning.... but the Switch port has horrendous load times that makes every new attempt a chore. This was fine since I was playing with my girlfriend and we could entertain ourselves in between load times, but otherwise this is a huge drawback for the type of game that it is.

 Little Nightmares can be really fun, and the creature design is phenomenal. Sadly, the loading times in this Switch port makes every new attempt somewhat of an annoyance. It's a shame, 'cause this version runs very smoothly and looks fantastic too.

 6.5

Game #1262: Alan Wake Remastered

 Nothing's scarier than bugs.

 If, much like myself, you were a Sony Pony during the PS3/X360 era you were probably interested in Alan Wake, don't deny it. Well, we may be in luck, as Alan Wake Remastered is now available on consoles, so I was finally able to see what it was all about.

 The very first chapter will lead you to believe that this game takes after Twin Peaks, but all hell breaks lose quite quickly and quite fast. The setup has you playing as Alan Wake, a writer, who visits Bright Falls for a spell with his wife. While getting used to their new life, Alan's wife disappears and he wakes up in the middle of the forest, one week later. It only gets creepier, since as you play through the game you can collect manuscripts from Alan's book, and these pages will tell about stuff that has already happened... as well as about stuff that is going to happen later in the chapter. There's a strong component of psychological horror in this game, and it's rather interesting to be honest.

 The game is fairly linear, and this is not a survival horror game. You won't hurt for ammo, and the ammunition cap on every weapon means that if you're not regularly using your guns you're wasting ammo, heck, after each new chapter your inventory resets, so there's no point to hoarding. Combat is interesting but quickly grows stale, armed with a gun and a flashlight, you have to focus the light of your flashlight on an enemy for a few seconds to make it susceptible to gunfire, rinse and repeat. You can obtain a few weapons, such as flashbang grenades and a flaregun that instantly bypasses the darkness shield, but for the most part, you're stuck in the same loop: Run towards your next objective, come upon enemies, focus the light, kill them, move on.

 All that said, the last couple of chapters are incredibly exciting, it's when the story gets the most enthralling, the set-pieces get crazier and the characters really get to shine. Even when it's silly, you just can't help but smile. It's a slow burn, but when it gets good, it gets GOOD.

 The shooting is fairly simple and uninvolved, the closest thing to precision aiming is focusing your flashlight, but as long as the camera is aiming in the general direction of the enemy your bullets will hit, as Alan seems to be a good shot. You don't always need to slay every enemy in sight, as running towards a light source will immediately despawn enemies and heal you. That said, it's not too long before the Darkness, the enemy that haunts Alan, will start possessing inanimate objects, including a giant tractor, and these can only be defeated with your flashlight or light-based tools, such as the flare gun.

 There is some clunkiness to movement, but I'll chalk it up to age. It's not awful, but sometimes you'll come across invisible walls in awkward places or find it easy to sloppily fall from an edge. It's not too bad, really.

 While it's a rather OK game, there are quite a few issues with this release that really soured my experience with it. Firstly, the game includes the first two DLCs but not American Nightmare, a standalone mini-release that advances the plot of the series. Then there's the fact that a ton of cutscenes, maybe most of them, are unsynced with the audio, sometimes egregiously so, sometimes only just so that you can tell that there's something off. How the game shipped like this is completely baffling, as you simply cannot ignore the audio issues.

 And those are the least of the game's issues. By Chapter 3 I had gone through three crashes, the third one corrupted my Statistics Progression, thankfully not my in-game progression, but while I was able to continue the game from where it last autosaved, all the collectibles I found were gone. All my exploration? For naught. I even lost all the manuscript pages I had found. Ridiculous. What's more, pretty much every chapter crashed at least once, chapter 4 crashed twice in fact. This is unacceptable. And one time, the ground failed to load.

 As for DLCs.... DLC #1: The Signal takes place directly after the ending, so it should be played after finishing the game,... plus, it's way harder than the main game. Pretty early on, you must visit a house, and you after triggering a cutscene... the whole house became invisible. No kidding. And of course, it crashed too, What a mess. As for the plot itself, it's... unfulfilling, Alan pretty much ends up where he started.

 DLC #2 is The Writer, and it takes place after The Signal, although all things considered, you can play it after the main game and you wouldn't be missing too much! It's as challenging as the other DLC, but the story is much more fulfilling. That said, while it reuses pretty much everything from the original game, much like the other DLC, it does so in a much more surreal fashion, making it a helluva lot more interesting. Oh! And this one didn't crash, for a change.

 Alan Wake is a decent game, but this remaster does it no favors. Maybe the patches fixed all the crushes, but the game shouldn't have shipped like this, and I looked online, and every single version of this game is very buggy. It's a shame, but the scariest thing about the game is dreading the moment the next crash comes.

5.0

Game #1261: Gunvolt Chronicles Luminous Avenger iX 2

 Copen gets hit by the nerf-stick. 

 A few years ago I played the original Luminous Avenger game and I quite liked it, as a matter of fact, I'd say I enjoyed it more than the mainline Gunvolt games, so you could say I was excited about Gunvolt Chronicles Luminous Avenger iX 2 a fair bit. For this entry, they shook things up a fair bit, which may not be to everyone's liking.

 It seems they want to make Copen Gunvolt's Zero, as now his default attack is a three hit combo with a new energy saw. Copen was hit with the nerf stick quite hard too, as his entire Bullit Dash system was weakened. By default, only air dashes will tag enemies, ground dashes do not(Unless you buy the upgrade), and you can't perform another aerial dash until you touch the ground. You do get infinite aerial dashes once you reach 1000 kudos points, which arguably, has been made easier, as you don't lose all your points when you get hurt, only when you trade them to activate a checkpoint... or when healing. Another weird thing they chose to do with this game was to make stages exceedingly easy, but bosses incredibly hard, and this is offset by allowing the player to use Healing infinitely, at any point, if they wish. Yup, pressing X let's you use a powerful super move or use a full heal, and the healing power can be used at any time that you wish, and even though it drops your kudos back to 0, you can use it when your kudos points ARE at 0. It's... a curious choice.

 I'm not sure I'm too fond of the changes done to Copen, and reading through forums online... I'm not the only one. One post I saw summed up my suspicions entirely: "It's as if they didn't want Copen's games to be better than Gunvolt's". The new three-hit melee attack is alright, but there are a ton of enemies who will survive it, making it not so safe. And while tagging enemies, and then moving away and shooting is safer, it's very weak and doesn't grant you many kudos points, so Copen's new game plan is to try to use his melee attacks to build up kudos, and then playing with the tag system, hopefully reaching the stage's boss with enough health and over 1000 kudos points.

 And there is a hard mode that disables healing and gives you a hard-cap of 200 lives, and this hard mode is necessary to access the true ending, which is kinda lame. Unlocking hard mode is kinda lame since you need to find 36 collectibles throughout every stage. Can't say I could be bothered to.

 Inti-Creates also did players dirty with the DLC. This physical cart only comes with the Kohaku Boss DLC, but they released a bunch of other Boss DLC that must be paid for. This DLC is made up of a boss fight, no stage, and an ability you are rewarded with, including one that makes Copen play like he used to. Each boss fight is 8 bucks. What the hell?

 Luminous Avenger 2 is decent, but it wasn't as fun as the original game. It's still a fun time, and I can't fault them for trying something different, something different that while it wasn't as good as the original, they weren't horrible ideas, and they could work as a sort of alternate character option. Hopefully they'll learn from it and make LA 3 a bit more similar to 1.

 7.0

Game #1260: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure - All-Star Battle R

 Ari ari ari ari ari arrrrrivedercciiiiiiiiiiii!

 Ready for round 2? JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: All-Star Battle R is sort of sequel to the original All-Star Battle, because it's more than just a port, as it has new characters, new mechanics and new modes. Trust me, it's not the same, and in practically every way, it's a much superior game.

 I don't think I need to spend time talking about how the game plays or how much of a love letter it is to JoJo as a whole, as the brunt of the main game remains exactly the same: It's a fighting game, 3 attack buttons, a dodge, and a button to use special abilities, activating a character's Stand most of the time. There have been a few tweaks to hitstun to make it feel better and make combos easier, but it doesn't stop there, now you can select another character to call upon for a quick assist attack. Honestly, I would've loved tag-team mechanics, but this I'm not complaining! And even better, now Easy-Beat(Auto-combos) can be turned off. Thank you!

 Worth mentioning, the game runs amazing on the Switch, the 30Fps never dropped as far as I could tell, and the loading times are quite brief. This game is amazing on the system, even if, unlike the other versions, doesn't reach 60fps. The graphics look amazingly crisp on handheld mode too, almost as if it was always meant to be on the system.

 Modes have changed, mostly for the better. About the only thing that returns is VS and the Arcade Ladder, now offering a Survival mode too. The Story Mode has been removed completely.... I mean, it was kinda lame, as it only had some bits of texts between battles, but it was something and it was completely harmless. I suspect that they removed it for 'spoiler' reasons, since Part VI is currently airing on Netflix, and if they removed it because of that... screw you, as this was not the only omission, but more on that later. In its place is All-Star Battle, a series of over 100 matches divided by Parts. It's even lamer, because it's made up of actual fights from the story, or what ifs, but they have absolutely no context whatsoever, no special or unique animations, absolutely nothing. Might as well just be a boring list of "X vs X" and be done with it. That said... The putrid Campaign mode from the original was axed, and now you unlock bonus colors and costumes by fulfilling secret missions in this mode. If the hints are not enough, you can spend a bit of gold to reveal the requirements, but I preferred saving up gold for costumes and colors in the gallery, and just fiddle around until I got it right. I mean, every rematch meant more money for goodies, so no loss.

 So... this game has about 5 or so new characters, including Trish Una, whom I adore and should've been there from the start. That's pretty nice, but... they removed Pucci. Well, the original Pucci. As not to spoil the series, he was changed so as to only use the initial form of his stand, and the original Pucci was promised as free DLC. Handicapping your game because of an animated series, BASED ON A DECADE OLD MANGA is pretty darn stupid. They even removed Part VI's stage because of 'spoilers'. Absolutely ridiculous. It doesn't matter if they'll return as free DLC, the point remains that the discs and cartridges are missing content from the original game due to absolutely stupid reasons. Heck, while the game has a fair amount of costumes to unlock... it's missing a few from the original game, including the Irene costume for Jolyne, because of... spoilers. It's not a huge disappointment, I mean, there's plenty of new content, but I can't help but feel irked about it. Oh! And since more parts were animated, I think the original game released during Part II's animated run, a few characters from have new default colors and simplified designs, including my beloved Giorno who now has his unappealing hot-pink costume by default(Albeit with yellow hair which doesn't look as good as green-on-pink) and Gold Experience lost some complexity on his textures, but not to worry, the original colors are unlockable if you miss them.

 So... even though I'm fresh off a rant, the game is as fantastic as it was before, and... it's even better. The new additions are all welcome, the only issue are the removals! Regardless, considering the huge roster of characters from all series... I honestly love this game, it's better than the original release, it really is, and it's more than worth the double dip if you still own the original. It's not the most competitive fighting game out there, but it really doesn't need to, the game is just fun to play due to how simple it is, and it looks very stylish thanks to the cool as hell cell-shading they used. The game is fun even if you don't like JoJo, since you don't need to know who this characters are to enjoy all their insanity.

9.0

Game #1259 Lego Harry Potter Collection

  Buildum Lego-uousa!

 Well, we've been at it for what feels like over a month, but we're finally done with the Lego Harry Potter Collection, a compilation of Lego Harry Potter Years 1-4 and Lego Harry Potter Years 5-7. I know, I know, I decided that Lego games just weren't for me, but this time around I gave it a go with my girlfriend in tow, which probably increased my enjoyment of these games.

 First comes Years 1-4, and... it's an absolutely horrible adaptation of the movies. If you haven't read the books at least, you'll contend with a lot of scenes that do a poor job of conveying the plot. Even the two of us, having recently seen every movie, had a hard time understanding just what they tried to do with some scenes. And yes, the fact that this game comes from an era before Lego was doing voices and dialogue doesn't help.

 What is kinda neat is that you get a Hogwarts playground to mess around with. The entire building is pretty large and it houses a ton of secrets, be it cheats or unlockable characters! And since you very slowly unlock new spells, you'll slowly be able to get everything, culminating with your first Dark Mage who'll be able to interact with a ton of objects you couldn't before. 

 The brunt of the game is your basic Lego affair, explore highly destructible environments, collecting studs to purchase goodies, and finding Lego pieces to build objects required to continue through the stage. Since you are a wizard, Harry, the entire motif is spells. You get an assortment of about 8 spells that can be used to interact with various different objects, and thanks to this there's an interesting variety of obstacles to contend with. That said, more than a few times we found ourselves completely stumped with how to proceed, and it was usually something we didn't notice we had to break.

 The game is relatively decent, but honestly, it's just another Lego game. That said, I've a huge bone to pick with some HUD choices. For instance, there's a single spell slot allotted to 'joke spells', sure, they aren't necessary to progress... but you can't pick the one you want, as you must hold down the spell wheel and wait until the red slot turns to the joke spell you want. And pick it too late and you'll get the wrong spell. And what about the character store? There are over 150 characters, witch classic Harry Potter characters such as 'Milkman', 'Boy' and 'Slytherin Girl', however, in order to buy them... you have to go from left to right, one by one, as you go from character to character. Who thought this was a good design choice?

 Lego Harry Potter Years 5-7 is pretty much identical to the first. I preferred the new spells in this one, like Aquamenti. I really liked the new Lego figures, as the grey and black looks pretty neat, as well as the new more natural looking lighting, however, it also did quite a few things I didn't like...

 Just like before, the cutscenes are sometimes bafflingly vague, and it's hard to follow EVEN if you know the story. Understanding the plot itself, much like the previous games, requires you to be familiar with either books or movies. 

 This game, much like the latter movies, has some scenes taking place outside of Hogwarts, and to make up for that.... Hogwarts is much smaller than before. It's really lame, you could visit the Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff's houses in the previous game, now you only get part of Slytherin's area, as well as the entire Gryffindor common room. It was so disappointing, and since they recycled so many rooms... why not recycle the entire thing and only add to it? Why remove rooms, rooms which were also entirely optional in the previous game, but added so much personality to it? Sure, now we have more and better puzzles and rewards... but the previous game's HUB was much more engrossing.

 And there are also duels... which are terribly boring. You are forced into a circle and must pick the right spell, which is color-coded on the semi-circle behind the enemy, to then enter a 'spell struggle' and mash a button to win, do this four times. Not only is it boring, for much of the game Harry is the only character with the Yellow spell, Focus, so if you are playing in Co-Op it's entirely possible for the second player(Or the one not using Harry) to need to use the Yellow spell... which they don't have, so now they must wait for the game to decide which other spell they need to use. Lame.

 Oh, and the character store is still terrible. Now we get a proper character grid, but when it comes to characters with multiple forms... you have to wait for the slot to automatically switch to the form of the character you want to buy. It's such a terrible design choice that makes it hard to find what you're still missing. Why would they do this?

 Lego Harry Potter Collection is a decent time, but I figure it's only fun if you are playing it with somebody else. Years 1-4 are slightly more entertaining than years 5-7, but not by much. Regardless, I don't see myself playing these games by myself any time soon.

 6.0

Game #1258: Resident Evil VII - Biohazard Gold Edition

 Residents evil.

 I never played the Resident Evil games in order, I think my longest streak was 4-5-6, but why play these games in a way that makes sense? So after playing VIllage last year, I thought it was time I finally played Resident Evil VII: Biohazard Gold Edition, the game that came before it!

 Resident Evill VII marks a strong contrast with the games that came before it, not only does it play in first person... but it's also the scariest entry in the series, as well as the only one I'd say is actually Survival Horror instead of an action game with horror elements. And they managed that by very early introducing the player to the Baker family, a three-member family unit of zombie-like psychos. You can't defeat them, not at first, but they'll roam the house you are locked into, so you have to learn to avoid them while collecting what you need to solve the puzzles and survive the house. Adding to this are the new enemies, the Moulded. These can be defeated, or avoided if you mean to conserve ammo, and the game did a great job at making you feel powerless. If you aim to their heads you can bring them down faster, but the audiovisual feedback makes your shots feel weak, and in a game like this, that does wonders to the horror element.

 Despite the first-person camera, despite the new enemies being a new brand of virus... the game does keep some traditional REvil elements, such as herbs and item chests. Heck, your starting inventory is pathetically small, but you can slowly upgrade it as you play. That said, as scary and as weak as you feel at first, heck, I was scared I was using too much ammo and healing items... the more you play, the stronger you get. By the time I was facing the second Baker family member, I had a pretty decent armory, and a decent stockpile of healing items. I felt strong, for a change. Heck, when I finished the game I had a ton of spare ammo for all of my guns, a ton of items with which to make healing items, and the final boss was pathetic. That said, I had unlocked the Magnum and didn't use the grenade launcher before, so maybe I was equipped with the best weapons when I face it.

 All that said, even when I was at my strongest, the ambiance was still scary as hell. And not to worry, as two thirds in, you briefly get to play as another character, and you lose all your inventory, so at first, you'll only be able to evade enemies as you solve puzzles. It was a rather neat way to bring you down a size or two for a short while.

 The game has a TON of personality. All three Bakers are very memorable, for very different things, since despite being psychos, they still have their own personalities. The Baker family house is also very well designed, and is easily the best part in the game. Not to say that the subsequent areas are bad, but the game is at its best when you are exploring the house. That said, the game is relatively short, playing on the Normal difficulty setting I finished the game in just shy of 7 hours... but, y'know, it didn't feel bloated, and it kept me wanting for more. It's that good. I'm surprised to say this, but I enjoyed 7 more than VIllage, that said, I should probably give VIllage another try.

 This 'Gold Edition' includes almost every piece of DLC. For whatever reason, Chris' DLC 'Not a Hero' is not included in the disc, and must be downloaded. Sure, it's free, but it's not in the disc, and that sucks. Plus, one of the DLCs that IS included in the disc takes place AFTER that DLC, so what gives? The DLC includes three mini-campaigns, one in which you play as a mysterious fourth Baker Family member, as well as a few mini-game style pieces of content, one is a randomized 'Ethan Must Die' short run through the game, in which you lose if you die, no saving, and there's another one, like Jack's Birthday in which you must... find food and feed it to Jack Baker. Your mileage may vary on these ones, but considering how short the game is... they are alright.

 DLC:

 Nightmare: It's a Survival mini-game. Turn on trash compactors to generate scrap to try to survive the whole night while trapped in the Baker House's basement. It gets hard real fast, but it's a nice diversion. The more you play, the more points you amass and the better benefits you get for each subsequent playthrough!

 Bedroom: This one is super scary, you have to escape out of the bedroom by solving puzzles, problem is... Marguerite comes back when she hears noise, so you have to put everything back in its place.

 21: This one sucks, it's a sort of card game, hosted by Lucas Baker. Clancy is forced to bet FINGERS against another victim. It's interesting, but ultimately not as involved as the others.

 Daughters: This one is scary and heartbreaking, you play as Zoe Baker, and you get to see how her family turned the way they did firsthand. It's brief, but pretty good, as you try to evade your family members with just a lighter and your wits.

 End of Zoe:  This one... is sort of a mini-campaign, but what makes it stand out... is that in this one you play as Joe Baker, Jack's brother, and his way of dealing with the molded is... punching them to death... yeah, it's kinda weird. New assets were made for this one, including a new type of Molded and a new recurring boss. Is it a lot of fun? Yes, definitely. Does punching molded and Swamp creatures fit the game? No, not at all.

 Jack's 55th Birthday: This one is super silly. You get to pick from different parts of the house, and you must search for food for Jack. Food occupies space, so you have to make various trips, and can't carry too many weapons if you want to carry more food. Weapons shoot confetti and molded... wear party hats. I am not making this up.

 Ethan Must Die: This one is a super challenging run in which you can't save and items are randomized.

 Can't believe I'm gonna say this, but Resident Evil VII is probably among my favorite REvil games. It's quite different from what came before, but it worked, and it worked so well. The entire game is a hell of a treat, and I don't mind Capcom moving forward in this direction, I mean, VIllage was really great too, so if this is the new direction for the series... so be it.

 9.0

Game #1257: Cursed Mountain

 Nothing scarier than motion controls.

 The Wii was always hurting for games, and Cursed Mountain was one of the few exclusives that showed promise. At the time, I'm pretty sure I still hadn't discovered that I liked Survival Horror at the time, however, I was quite interested in this game... but the low scores pushed me away. It's about time I gave it a proper try, then!

 The best thing about the game is easily its setting, taking place in the Himalayas, as you play as Eric who came hiking and climbing to rescue his missing brother. The snowy mountains, as well as the Tibetan villagers are very original, in the videogame kingdom, and make for a very refreshing and picturesque setting... even if it's, y'know, haunted. The monster design is a bit more mundane, consisting mostly of dull-looking ghosts and a few other creatures, as bosses. On the other hand, the voice-acting is pretty lackluster, for whatever reason Eric only speaks in whispers, and what's worse, cutscenes are mostly made up of animated stills, what gives? In a horror game, unless handled well, this is immersion-breaking, and in this game, such is the case, as they are laughably tacky.

 The game itself is a very linear action game with horror elements. Every single instance of ghosts approaching must be dealt with in the same way: Defeating them all. A few times you'll enter "Ghost Korlos', in which you either have to defeat every ghost, as per usual, or find symbols and use the appropriate wiimote gesture, either way, the only difference between normal encounters and Ghost Korlos is that you are constantly taking damage while inside the Korlo. Ammo is unlimited, so the melee attacks are basically useless. Eric is equipped with a 'blessed pickaxe', seriously, and you can embed one of four different objects to change its properties: A strong, but slow to recharge beam, a well balanced shot, a weak-but-spread shot and another one that lets you exorcize ghosts without weakening them, at the cost of not getting health back.

 And that's combat, ghosts will encroach you, and you'll try to weaken them with shots, once weakened a red sigil will appear over them, pressing the A button lets you initiate the exorcism minigame, by pulling off the gestures shown on screen you'll recover a bit of health. You can also finish off enemies with basic shots, but why would you? this mechanic makes it so that aside from bosses, dying is very hard. By the end of the game I had over 50 healing items, and I can count on one hand the amount of times I needed to restore my health this way.

 Waggling... there's a ton of it in this game, but the ones for exorcism are the worst, as sometimes the game won't read your inputs, and if you fail... the enemy gets a bit of health back. Word to the wise, short and fast motions are read more often than pushing your arms forward too far. There are a few QTEs too, but nothing too bad. The worst motion controls, by far, are the ones for walking over planks of wood, since the animation is terrible and you have to waggle forward to take small steps, while trying to keep balance. It's terrible. There were also a couple of annoying segments in which you had to waggle alongside beats. Why?

 Since healing items are basically superfluous, why explore? Well, you can find documents to add some story bits and world building, but more importantly, statues that will permanently increase your life bar, those are pretty cool and can be missed if you push forward too quickly. Since the game is linear and based on stages, there's no going back, so if you skipped a hidden statue you just lost a permanent health upgrade... permanently.

 Honestly, the game is incredibly boring. The setting is incredible, the Tibetan Villages are alluring but... the game is so rudimentary and uninteresting. You'll fight three types of ghosts, but they might as well all be the same, re-positioning yourself is barely necessary. The story is told so poorly that it turned uninteresting, which is disappointing, because it had some interesting wrinkles here and there. But the worst part about it is that coupled with how boring the game is, the motion controls are wonky and unresponsive. Cursed Mountain showed promise, but as it is... it's better left forgotten.

 4.0

Game #1256: Dusk

 Ok, boomer. 

 Ion Fury was the calm before the storm, for you see, the boomer shooter is back, baby! Dusk is a Quake/Blood hybrid, it's a first person shooter featuring the same kind of jaggy, rudimentary graphics as Quake, but with the comedic horror elements of Blood that make for a very interesting retro-style FPS.

 Much like old PC FPSs, the game is divided into different episodes, three in this case, with 10 stages, as well as a secret stage on each. You can tell that each episode was released at different dates because each one shows the developers getting better and better, with stages becoming larger, more complex and more interesting. The first Episode is made up of small stages that you can finish in 3-5 minutes, but later episodes become longer and harder. Each episode also introduces new monsters, and sometimes removes a few, into the mix, although the armament remains the same. Kinda, as Episode 3 reworks the sword, a very secret weapon in previous episodes, but given to you from the start on the third one.

 Gameplay is exactly what you'd expect out of a boomer shooter, emphasis on speed and strafing around enemies to bring them down. The game is incredibly fast, there's no reloading, and you can even bunny-hop to make yourself even deadlier and nimbler. There are about 8 different weapons too, and not enough ammo for each, forcing you to use your entire arsenal if you wish to survive. What's more, ammo seems to become more and more scarce as you go through Episode. Besides slaying monsters, you'll also need to find different colored keys, Yellow, Blue and Red, in order to get to the end of every stage.

 It's not entirely retro, it also takes a page from Half-Life, so you can pick up boxes and other items, either use them as projectiles or as platforms to help yourself to get to areas you shouldn't or even find secrets. There are a few neat details to this, for instance, you can pick up gibs and place them on top of fire to cook them, there are 'madness crystals' that if thrown against an enemy will make them fight their own kin, and there's even Soap, the deadliest item in the game, as it will cleanse, AKA destroy, anything it touches. Oh! And there's a designated button to flip you gun, just for kicks and giggles.

 The Switch port runs beautifully, and why wouldn't it, it barely looks better than a PS1 game. While the retro look is pulled off really well, there's even a filter you can toy around with to make it jaggier up to ridiculous amounts, these blocky 3-D graphics do nothing for me. But hey, it runs buttery smooth! On the other hand, the Switch's analog's sticks have never been the most precise when it comes to games like this, but the hitbox on your shots seem to be rather generous to compensate.

 Included in the Limited Run Games' release is Dusk '82, and atari-esque take on the game. It's not bad, but it didn't hold my interest for more than a few minutes.

 Dusk is an absolute treat of a game. I loved the fast-paced gameplay, and even though I don't dig the PS1-like graphics, the creepy locales you visit were fun to traverse. It does nothing new, but everything it does it does extremely well, and it feels like a very polished game that stands above the games it's paying tribute to.

 9.0

Game #1255: Tormented Souls

 Not another Souls-like 

 Tormented Souls is a throwback to classic survival horror games. Fixed camera angles? Check. Tank controls? Check(Although you can use analog controls). Ammo scarcity? Check. Nonsensical Puzzles? Check. It's all here, baby, and it wound up being a pretty decent tribute to the classics.

 The game starts off creepy off the bat, since as soon as our heroine visits the mansion she gets knocked out and wakes up naked, in a a tub full of water and missing an eye. You'll also notice that the character models look kinda wonky, as the budget was definitely not very high, however, it makes expert use of lighting and darkness to show you just enough to put you on edge. What's more, very early on you have to pick between carrying a lighter or a weapon, and if you stay in the shadows for too long... you die.

 The entire game takes place in the mansion, but it's pretty large. The game took me about 6 hours to finish in all. I'm not too sold on the level design, as save rooms are pretty sparse. At least one time I spent over an hour advancing through the game without saving since going into a save room meant going out of my way as I solved puzzles.

 The puzzles are actually rather challenging, so eventually I started playing with a guide close by. What's more, some puzzles aren't well thought out. This one time you come across a trapdoor that is held locked by a rope. A rope the character could untangle, or even... BURN with her darn lighter. But nope, you are supposed to use a scalpel, of all things, to cut it down.

 There are four weapons in the game, a crowbar for melee, and three guns, albeit one works in short range. Ammo is rather sparse, but there's enough to kill everything in the game... and you should. There's a lot of backtracking, and enemy placement is super cheap. Trying to conserve ammo by dodging enemies bit me in the rear more times than I could count. Pretty early on, there's a room that has 4 doors. If you enter through two of those doors and then exit the room... the enemies you dodged will be right next to you, and they'll get a free hit in, since they can move before you regain control after the loading screen. It's very cheap, so just kill everything in your way, using the crowbar to finish them off if you knock them down. Plus, a ton of enemies are just standing on corridors you need to get through, so dodging them becomes a tall order.

 Something that irked me a bit is that how much damage you take from attacks feels inconsistent. Sometimes you'll die after three hits, other times it feels as if you can tank more hits than you thought. The beginning of the game is certainly the roughest part in the game, as tapes, items you use to save the game, are even rarer than save rooms, and you are still getting used to how to defeat enemies while conserving ammo as well as how much damage you can take before going down. But trust me, as soon as you realize that murdering everything in your way and not worrying about ammo, despite how scarce it may seem, the game becomes much easier.

 About two thirds into the game, a new monster, a naked fat lady ghost, is introduced. She'll randomly appear in whichever room you just entered and she can't be killed. That said, if you hear her music you can just turn back, and exit/re-enter the room to have her despawn!

 The best parts about the game are just how faithful the game is to classic Survival Horror games as well as its fantastic atmosphere. As wonky as the character models are, the lighting, camera angles and the creepy sound design constantly keep you on your toes. Plus, the environments, as opposed to the characters, look really nice, in a creepy way.

 It might be a bit too challenging and cumbersome for people that don't enjoy the genre, but anyone who played the classics will probably have a fun time with this one. 

 7.0

Review #1254: The Quarry

  Gotta find your quarry in the quarry.

 Gotta give it to Supermassive Games, they found their niche and their passion and they rolled with it. The Quarry is their latest game, and it's yet another playable horror movie, like pretty much everything they've done lately, albeit one with a larger budget, more akin to Until Dawn. There's even a wooden lodge, much like Until Dawn's cabin!

 It's pretty much their Until Dawn round two, using everything they've learned from their newer games. You get all the accessibility options, to tailor QTEs to your liking, multiplayer modes to divide characters among players, and even a new Movie Mode, in which the game plays itself. You pick "Everyone Dies", "Everyone Lives" or mess with every character's personality to affect the choices that the AI will make for you. 

 The story, this time around, involves six camp counselors on their last day on camp, the kids are gone, and it's time to go, except that one of the teens wants one last night to try to win over his summer fling, so he sabotages the car. Just one more night quickly turns sour, as they don't heed the owner's advice to stay inside the lodge, and then it all goes downhill for the teenagers, as both monsters and what looks like redneck hunters are out to get them. All six teenagers are selfish and dumb, so it's hard to really root for anyone... but it works out pretty well for this kind of game! Unlike some of their game, the monsters in this game are completely real. Heck, a cabin in the mountains, now a lodge in the woods, the monsters in this game are similar to the Wendigos from Until Dawn, and you'll probably find many similarities between these cast of characters and the ones from UD, but there's one key difference... the pacing in this one is much better. The previous game had too many scare fake-outs, things that looked as if they were lethal or dangerous... but they weren't. In this one, the danger comes quickly and it doesn't let go.

 The game's formula is identical to the previous games, as the game is made up of segments in which you walk around, searching for evidence and clues if you want, and interact with objects, as well as less interactive segments in which you must make different choices, some that change nothing, while other choices could get somebody killed. And just like with every other game they've ever made, in-between chapters you get a mysterious character that talks directly to you, the player, and you can find useless 'visions of the future' that shows you potential deaths. 

 That said, just like with all their other releases... it's plagued with a ton of little issues. Very early on, the game soft-locked itself on an endless loading screen. Another time, after a character interaction, the camera bugged out uncontrollably for a few seconds, which I didn't know if it meant to scare me or not. It didn't, but it was funny! Whenever the game transitions into a new scene, the game freezes for a second or so, and some audio lines stutter or may play twice. This one happens ALL the time. There were some graphical issues, such as shiny blue lights flashing like crazy in some scenes, or blue, green and red reflections on the water out of nowhere. There's one scene in which Jacob and Emma meet up by the moats, when you go down, a fully clothed Emma is standing next to her clothes, on the floor, and then, suddenly, cutscene and she is fully undressed. A few seconds later, Jacob checks his BOXERS for an item, as if it had a pocket? There were a few other unconvincing transitions too. Oh, and during the last 2-3 chapters, the subtitles went completely out of whack, they were more distracting than anything else, as either they weren't synched or the character's didn't even say the lines. Did anyone test the final chapters? Oh, and the game crashed again during the final chapter, this time it was a hard crash.

 The Quarry is easily the best game SuperMassive Games have made so far. It has the best and most interesting story of them all, and it executed it the best too. Gameplay-wise, they brought everything they've learned, so it plays the best it could. It's also got a larger budget, and it shows, it has the best character models so far, and it's pretty lengthy too... which might be a bit of an annoyance in multiplayer, since 10 hours could be a big ask of your friends. That said, they are so close to something truly great, but they keep shipping their games with all of these tiny issues, and this, unlike the Dark Pictures Anthology, was a big release, they really should've waited a month before releasing it.

 7.5

Game #1253: Castlevania Requiem

  Third time's the charm!

 No, Castlevania Requiem is not a new Castlevania game, but rather a port of Castlevania Dracula X Chronicles, albeit missing the main game, the Rondo of Blood Remake. In other words, these are the PSP versions of Rondo of Blood and Symphony of the Night. It's kinda disappointing, since I really enjoyed the remake, and if they ported these two, why not port the main game? But alas, I digress.

 This is the third time I'm covering Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, and guess what? It's still really friggin' good. The game that made 'Metroidvania' a genre is still a fantastic game and a great entry-point into the genre. I love this game, honestly, and this port gets everything right. That said, it is the PSP version, so it has the new translation and the re-dubbed voices, so purists will be annoyed. It also has the PSP additions, such as playable Maria and a new familiar. The Saturn additions are still lost to time, bummer.

 This also marks the second time I played through Castlevania: Rondo of Blood, and having played through a ton of Classicvanias not so long ago, I can now affirm that Rondo of Blood is one of the finest Classicvanias, if not the best. It has a ton of stages, alternate routes, alternate stages as well as two playable characters. Richter is stronger and can tank more hits, but has a larger hitbox, is slower and has the classic stiff jump arc, Maria, meanwhile, can take fewer hits and deals less damage, but is much faster and can double jump. In general, Maria has an easier time with stages, thanks to her mobility, but a tougher time with bosses, since you can't make as many mistakes as with Richter. That said... Maria can decimate large bosses thanks to her attack speed, so Dracula falls faster to her than to Richter. In other words, Maria is the game's easy mode.

 The ports are relatively fine, although I did notice a few things. In SOTN, sometimes it won't mark explored rooms on the map right off the bat, but after a few seconds, and one time one minute or so, they appeared marked on the map. Plus, since it's a straight up PSP port, Mist Form doesn't have a dedicated button, unlike the PS1 original, so you have to hold down L1 and R1 to use it. Pretty minor, if you ask me. In ROB, however, when you take damage Richter turns a shade of red for a second or so, which I'm not sure it should, but I could be wrong. During Dracula's Boss fight, when he transforms, I think the graphical effects aren't quite right, but once again, I could be wrong. All in all, relatively minor stuff too.

 It's not the perfect rerelease, as it's missing features such as some sort of rewind, in-game cheats or save states to make replaying this older games more comfy, but I felt both ports are pretty good, and I had a grand ol' time going through two of the best entries in the series.

 9.5

Game #1252: Zombie Ate My Neighbors and Ghoul Patrol

 I never liked my neighbors anyways.

 Well, seems Konami found their groove with their retro-rereleases, as it's time for Zombie Ate My Neighbors and Ghoul Patrol to make their comeback now. Both games are pretty similar, in fact, Ghoul Patrol became a sequel mid development, so they are duology.

 Both games are presented with minimal alterations. The intro for ZAMN was axed, which is a minor loss in my opinion, but it did ruffle some feathers. There's no rewind, no cheats and no enhancements, although there's a weird save slot you can use by using a new option, 'Save and Quit'. This is true for both games. A big point for contention, for me, is that you can't customize controls. This means that A shoots, Y uses an item, while B and X are used to cycle through weapons and items respectively. It feels awkward, but there's some logic to it, the buttons on the vertical line cycle through stuff, while the ones on the horizontal line use them.

 It's kind of a missed opportunity, 'cause cycling through items and weapons in both games can be a hassle, particularly when harassed by endless waves of enemies, so they could've put both sets of should buttons to task, but alas... and it's even worse, 'cause Ghoul Patrol adds two new functions, Jump and Slide... to the shoulder buttons. Being able to customize controls would've been a godsend.

 So, Zombies Ate My Neighbors... in broad strokes, it's an isometrical very arcade-like action game in which you must save your 10 neighbors before they are eaten by zombies.... or murdered by Jason/Leatherhead love childs, giant ants, giant worms, martians, vampires, werewolves, killer dolls, killer plants, mermen and fire sprites, and I'm probably forgetting about something. The game is made up of 48 levels, plus a few secret levels, and the end goal is always the same: Turn on your radar and find the neighbors before the enemies do.

 The game is relentless, enemies don't stop coming, and if they get all neighbors it's game over. For every neighbor you don't find, the amount of neighbors for the next level is reduced, and in a way, it could help you, as having only one neighbor to find is much faster... but then again, you're closer to losing.

 There are a TON of different weapons and items, and certain enemies are weak to specific weapons, which is rather neat.... if only you could cycle through them using more than one button. Searching for the right weapon while chased by a monster can be a pain in the butt.

 Another major item are keys, which are used to open up doors. But hey, if you're missing a key, bazookas can blow up doors and walls! They are also really strong against ants and most enemies, really. Since enemies are endless but resources are limited... it's always interesting decided when to fight and when to run, when to use keys and when to use the bazooka!

 Besides getting unfairly hard, the password system sucks, because it doesn't retain your inventory and you're back to a single health pack and 120 rounds of the weakest weapon. The new save system helps alleviate this, however. Collision detection is sometimes a bit wonky too, particularly when blowing up some walls or when trying to pick up some neighbors.

 Overall, Zombies Ate My Neighbors is a very fun, but very challenging game. The huge variety of stages, monsters and weapons keeps things interesting all the time, and I'm sure it's much better in multiplayer.

 Ghoul Patrol is a bit tamer. While the art-style is still on the cartoony side, it's much less colorful and the enemies look a bit more serious. There are less stages, less enemies and less weapons too. There are new bosses, but they are insanely hard since they take a ton of punishment... unless you save up your Grim Reaper potions to lay waste to them.

 Gameplay-wise, it's pretty much identical, except that now you can slide, useful to get away from monsters, and jump, which barely factors into the game at all... at least until the last set of stages, set in Medieval Castles and Caves, in which you have to jump through bottomless pits. And it feels super wonky, without the Quit & Save feature, this would've been downright cruel. The radar is gone, now you must chase after scream bubbles to find the neighbors, which is a bit weird. The environments too, now for the second set of stages you visit feudal Japan and then you go to Pirate moats because.... reasons?

 Ghoul Patrol usually gets a lot of flak, but it's not bad, it's just that Zombies Ate My Neighbors is bigger, better and more iconic... and it doesn't have janky platforming shoed-in.

 While it has a few shortcomings, I really enjoyed this little package. If you can't play these games in any other way, it gets the job done, and the save feature, while less than ideal, is a welcome addition.

 7.0

Game #1251: Zero Time Dilemma

 One final game. 

 Well, this is it, the final game in the Zero Escape series, Zero Time Dilemma. Once again, it's a visual novel that mixes a narrative that involves quantic timelines with a few interactive puzzle segments.

 There's not much to say really, once again, 9 people are selected by a guy named Zero to take part in a deadly game. Akane and Junpei return, alongside Sigma and Phi, as well as four new guys. The game takes place before Virtue's Last Reward, but if you played that game to the end you'll understand why it also takes place after that game. Honestly, this series has a heavy focus on its narrative, so it makes no sense to play this game without playing the previous ones, heck, a ton of stuff won't make sense if you skipped even one of them.

 In this one, characters are divided into three groups of three people each, and while they do get to interact between teams every now and then, for the most part, each team will spend more time interacting with itself than with the other two. Unlike previous games, now you select between fragments, as participants get their memories wiped every hour and a half, so making sense of the timeline is up to you.

 The English voice acting is hit and miss. Some characters are really well done, while others, like Akane, leave a lot to be desired. The presentation took a bump up, as characters animate much more, even if a bit stiffly, during the narrative sections.

 Zero Time Dilemma was fine. It doesn't really feel like closure, but it's an ending. While I thought it was as good as any other game in the series, I feel like this one's plot sometimes... feels a bit more of a stretch than the others. For instance, at one time, two characters decide that there's only enough food for 9-10 months, and yet, they survive for way longer without any proper explanation as to how. Another time a character says that Koi fish die when taken from Brasil unless you put a Piranha with them, and that's just a flat-out lie. So, yeah, it doesn't feel as tight as the previous games, but hey, it wasn't a bad time at all.

 7.5

Game #1250: Deadly Premonition 2 - A Blessing in Disguise

 Every good game deserves a sequel, isn't that right, Zach? 

 It's been a few years since I first played Deadly Premonition, a game that is as bad as it is good, which managed to overcome how technically deficient it was thanks to how interesting it was as a whole. And then came Deadly Premonition 2: A Blessing in Disguise and... let's say that it was controversial, to say the least.

 The game is both a sequel and a prequel, and it assumes that you've played the original, so it assumes that you know big twist. As such, it's impossible not to avoid spoiling the original game when talking about this one, so you've been warned. The game follows two different storylines, one set before Deadly Premonition 1, in which you play as York as he came across the red seeds for the very first time, and the other storyline set after DP1, in which you play as an older Zach. York's chapters make up the brunt of the game, as they are pretty much identical to the original game, while Zach's are heavy on the a narrative, with you pretty much just selecting items to interrogate Zach about.

 I felt the plot did a good job of tying this new case with the one from the original game, and the final chapter, in which you finally play as Zach, offers a new resolution to Zach, as opposed to how things ended in the original game. I'm happy to report that the dialogue is just as ridiculous, in a good way, as it was in the original game, and we get a new set of quirky characters. I was quite fond of the new location, Le Carre, as well. Heck, I'd say I prefer Le Carre to Greenvale. Adding to this, the new cell-shaded graphics are beautiful, at least when the framerate isn't struggling. That said, York has been flanderized a bit, so all he does now is talk about movies, and things that remind him of movies. It's not a huge deal, but it is a noticeable narrative choice. While I enjoyed the story, as a whole, it wasn't as good as the one from the original game, but then again, it'd be hard to top that twist.

 And since I'm at it, they managed to reproduce the wonky charm from the original game. Character models move in very stiff, unnatural ways, that in any other game it'd be immersion breaking, but in this one? It's part of the charm. Even York's awkward smile is back.

 The gameplay remains pretty much identical. You are free to do anything from Monday to Sunday, though different places have different opening hours, and NPCs might be in different places depending on the time and day. And just like before, at night pretty much every store closes and enemies start popping out from the ground. Once again, some missions might only be able to be completed on certain days, at a certain time. You still need to eat, sleep, shave, clean your clothes and clean yourself, which isn't as annoying as it sounds, as long as you have a meal and a shower a day, you'll be OK. You also have main missions and side missions. There's one big difference, however, and that's in your means of transportation, instead of a car... you get a skateboard. You can even learn tricks to pull off, and yes, they look and feel as janky as you'd expect.

 Unlike the original game, now you are stuck with your gun the whole way through, however, now you can collect materials to craft charms to upgrade York's stats and customize his gun, you can even put elemental bullets on your pistol, and even 'Shotgun bullets". Combat was pretty much an afterthought in the original game, and it's pretty much exactly the same in this one, as enemies fall down very quickly. Melee weapons are gone too, since this time around York can perform a three hit combo, with two punches and a kick.

 And these materials? You can find them lying around the environment, or by hunting animals such as squirrels, dogs or alligators. And you can hunt them with your fists. It's really dumb, and I loved it. What I didn't love was how grindy it all was. I mean, non-hunting material just pops up randomly near trees or near marshes, so collecting these and finding the right item you need is completely down to luck, which is honesty a terrible design choice.

 And then there are the side missions... you get absolutely nothing to aid you in how to find them or complete them. I'll mention one of the worst offenders, the shower side mission. This one is very important, since if you don't fix the shower you'll have to buy items to cover your B.O. instead of just taking a shower and forgetting about it. It tells you to talk to the Chef, fine, you go to the Hotel's restaurant and ring his bell... and nothing. You actually have to talk to the Chef when he is standing around in the Hotel, but at what time he does that? Who knows. Try every hour and search for him inside, hopefully you'll find him. This side mission has you talking with three such NPCs. It's honestly baffling just how annoying doing side content is in this game.

  And some of the main mission are kinda dull too. Midway through chapter two you'll be tasked with doing something you can only do on Mondays. Trust me, at most, you'll be on Thursday when this mission comes up, so that's a lot of waiting, or slowly sleeping every day off until Monday. There's another mission that requires you to find Spinach, and they expect you to try every single vending machine in Le Carre until you find the right one. Hopefully you realize that vending machines are marked on the map, I didn't until I looked it up, and from what I found out, many people didn't either. And not long after, the next mission is a set of collectathons, squirrel tails and anaconda skins. These mission types would be OK if they were optional, but they aren't. And very late in the game, you have to chase a dog for what feels like 15 minutes. I think the original game had a similar mission, but it probably wasn't as bad. Plus, they made it extra annoying. York's base speed is too slow, if you sprint you are too fast. Same with the skateboard, either too slow or too fast, so you are constantly, awkwardly, making pauses to let it get ahead.

 And what about combat? It's as braindead simple as it was in DP 1, and I'm fine with that, DP is fantastic thanks to its story and charm, so I'm OK with it being just a means to an end. But every single dungeon is just a set of corridors that lead to more corridors, using the same exact tilesets every single time. It's dumbfounding, and then there's the fact that enemy variety is null. The first chapter has guys with scissors, the red ones chase you and the white ones jump you, but for all intents and purposes, they are identical. Chapter two introduced guys chained to a door, one of them drops crab-locks that explode, the other one crab-locks that don't explode. And the third, and final chapter, introduces another enemy type. That's three character models, for  5 different enemy types, two being slight variations of other two enemies. Was this game made on a shoestring budget? Honestly, what gives? Even the epic last chapter dungeon's recycle the same tileset.

 But the framerate is embarrassing, it gets particularly bad when you are on the skateboard. I wouldn't say it's unplayable, but the fact that they thought this was OK is honestly shocking. Dude, the Bowling minigame is such a pain, cause you have to time button presses, but it always feels delayed. And you have to play it at least once to advance the story. How is it that the Witcher 3 port rans better than this game? How?

 And I didn't even mention the control glitches, did I? Controls stopped working constantly. It happened at least twice while I was in the overworld, and the only thing I could do was run. Couldn't take out my skateboard, couldn't take out my guns, couldn't sprint, just run. Thankfully, I realized that interacting with something would make them work again. Another time, while inside the hotel, I lost the ability to sprint, but even worse, another time, after eating, I couldn't move at all, I was forced to restart that time, and lost a bunch of progress. Finally, during the last chapter, everything but moving stopped working, again. I thought I'd have to restart again, but crouching fixed the issue. Somehow.

 The fact that this game released in this condition is frankly astounding, and I'm aware that the original game had similar issues, but at least back then it was their first attempt at this. With this game they had a chance to make a charmingly wonky game that played better. But instead, it's even more broken than the original, and it learned nothing from its shortcomings. I'll tell you what, though, I think fans of Deadly Premonition, such as I, will probably like the game despite how terrible it is, but anyone else should steer clear, as its issues are bigger, but the charm isn't as enthralling this time around. And I hate how poor the game plays, because whenever I wasn't having issues, I was laughing out loud, I was loving the new characters, I wanted to see how the story would progress.... and then the controls would stop working again.

6.5