Game #886: Assassin's Creed Origins

  Now with 40% more Witcher.

 The problem with Assassin's Creed lies in the fact that it's an yearly franchise that rarely skipped a year, which translates to a lot of stagnation. AC 2 was great, Brotherhood and Revelations not so much. With 3 they changed up things, and while some people may not agree with me on how good it actually was, with 4 they expanded on everything that made it great. Unity was great fun, but let's be honest, it was more of the same. Syndicate was more of the same but without the wow factor. Assassin's Creed Origins brings another shake up to the series, taking more than a little inspiration from The Witcher III, effectively turning the series into a RPG, for good or bad.

 Well, at last we get a proper Egypt game, that's cool. You play as Bayek of Rivia, I mean, Bayek of Siwa, who is pretty much an Assassin before the Assassins. Bayek is an interesting character, sure, he is another vengeful hero, like Ezio, but he is much less of a rogue, being deeply devoted to his wife, Aya. Aya is sort of a secondary character, and you play as her for some very short bits, but they missed the mark with her completely. She is like Kratos, consumed by anger, and she only thinks about The Mission, about The Creed. So, not only is she unlikeable, but the few times you play as her you're stripped of your hard earned equipment as well as your experience points and the abilities you worked for, now being forced to play as her. You're not even properly told of what abilities she has, you sorta have to try things and see if she can do them or not. Apparently, Bayek was supposed to die early on the story and you'd play as Aya, and that probably would've worked better since we could've gotten a more sympathetic portrayal. You don't need to look far to see how much people disliked her on Youtube comments, and it makes sense, she's very unlikeable and in gameplay she is a huge step down from how you've been playing. Kratos works as an angry character because we get glimpses into his humanity, even at his most unlikeable, during God of War III, he'd still take Pandora as a substitute for his daughter. We've got a new modern-day protagonist, and we saw too little of her to make heads or tails of her, as of now, can't say I care about her, she seems a bit too arrogant for my tastes. That said, the modern-day segments are mercifully short.

 Look, I've made fun of Ubisoft for pretending to be woke and then making Evie Frye 'Weak but stealthy' as opposed to her brother, who was 'strong' because he is the dude, I'm all in for diverse portrayal of characters. However, I think they tried TOO hard with this game. Most of the Warriors Bayek meets are women, there's even a female Gladiator. And then men take them seriously, the Lanista boasts about her as his finest Warrior. It feels very unauthentic for the era, an era in which sexism ran rampart. And I can't help but feel slightly disappointed considering how much attention to detail they pay when it comes to recreating these past eras. If it was up to me, I'd have a fewer number of female warriors, but better developed, and have the men in the game actually comment upon it in a negative way, and then have these women join Aya's pre-Assasssin order, a place where they could be accepted beyond the societal norms of the era. I think it'd be a better work around in order to have strong female characters, but still make sense for them during the era. I just think there were better ways of having their cake and eat it too, y'know?

 Alright, final complaints about the story... I felt it started off very promising, but for whatever reason it felt a bit... forgettable? It starts with Bayek's son getting murdered by an order of people code-named after animals("The Snake"), and it's all about him and Aya trying to bring them down. This order would be the precursor to the Templars. But as a whole, this whole Hidden Ones vs The Order isn't as interesting as it should be, and despite them being precursors to the Assassins and Templars, it feels too far removed from them. I liked Bayek, and I liked this depiction of Cleopatra, but I think the rest of the characters were forgettable, Caesar was a complete wasted opportunity, he was so lame and left no lasting impression.

 Well, the script is a bit of a bust, luckily the game fares a bit better. For starters, Egypt is MASSIVE, and it has a ton of "?" signs on the map, just like The Witcher 3, which hide side activities. Mostly having to do with finding hidden treasure or finding treasure AND defeating X amount of Captains and Generals inside an enemy encampment. Beside the trademark Ubisoft busywork the game offers about 150 side quests, which is massive. As much as it borrows from the Witcher, I can't say most side quests were very memorable or interesting, but, hey, if you like the game you won't find any shortage of stuff to do, and I can appreciate that. I cleared 120 missions, including side missions, and felt satisfied enough, even if I didn't finish every side mission.

 Gameplay has seen the most changes since AC 3. This is an a RPG, so now you obtain XP and level up. You have a skill tree made up of three branches, and you can level up on forever, there are three skills, one for each branch, that can be leveled up as much as you want, letting you dump all those bonus Skill Points you get after you reach level 40. One thing I didn't like about this system is that they went about it exactly like Xenoblade. If you try to attack an enemy that's 5 levels above you or higher you'll deal chip damage, while they can easily massacre you in one or two hits. That said, the game clearly defines the recommended level per area on the map, so if you veer where you shouldn't it's completely on you.

 Parkour has been further simplified since Syndicate, just press X once and you'll be able to freely climb up however you see fit, and hold Circle for Bayek to make his way down a building. It works pretty well, I think. Since it's an RPG, now there many different weapons to equip, from double swords, to axes or spears, as well as different types of bow. There's not a whole lot of different weapons for each type, and there are no modifiers, the only thing that changes is its level. You can only equip weapons of your own level, and you upgrade weaker weapons up to your own level at any Blacksmith, for a hefty fee. In my case, by level 20 I had already found the Rare dual swords, single-handed sword, bows and shield I wanted to use for the rest of the game, so every five levels I'd go the blacksmith and upgrade them to my level.

 Combat is fun, for the most part, but it got a bit boring by the end. R1 is your weak attack, and R2 is your strong attack. L1 makes Bayek adopt a defensive position that blocks most basic attacks in front of you, but for the red-tinted attacks you gotta dodge, with square. By the end of the game, after I was level 40, the game quickly devolved into mashing R1, or pressing R2 to break their defense and then mash R1. Or, if it came to the big enemies or enemies with Tower Shields, hold R2 to charge an attack, dodge, and then press R2 to break their defenses and mash R1. Also, R1+R2 every now and then to use my super move. It devolved into something that was super repetitive, although it never felt completely devoid of fun.... except when the game forced me to play as Aya and deal little damage to my enemies.

 Speaking of Aya, she gets 3 naval battle sections, and these were pretty fun, it's a shame there's only three of them. Going back to the combat itself(Quite a rollercoaster, eh!) I think that adding proper special moves and the such would've eased the repetition. I mean more moves besides R1+R2, something like... hold R2 and every face buttons performs a different ability, governed by some kind of cooldown meter. That would've been really neat.

 Lastly, while Ubisoft took their time to make this game, or so they say, it's still filled to the brim with bugs. Some bugs tanked the framerate and forced me to restart, this one time Bayek FUSED to a column I was trying to climb, and one time I fell below a pyramid, dropping below the game's world itself. Nothing game breaking, thankfully.

 I think Assassin's Creed Origins offers an interesting new direction for the series, but it's become so time consuming that I don't know when I'll continue with Odyssey. I think there's a lot to like about the new combat, and Egypt provides some gorgeous vistas. Sadly, the story was uninteresting, and the sidesquests didn't fare much better. As far as combat goes, this isn't a bad first attempt, but I hope they expand upon it. Still, despite how I felt the game left something to be desired on many different fronts, I still think the game is more than a sum of its parts, y'know? When you bring every piece together, it makes for a fun way to pass some time.

8.0

Game #885: Mortal Kombat XL

  Budget so high you can smell the money.

 While I love the fighting game genre, or used to anyways, Mortal Kombat was never among my favorites. And yet, ever since MK 9 Netherrealm studios have really poured blood and tears(Alongside a healthy amount of Warner Brothers' money) into making their Fighters really good. Mortal Kombat XL is no exception, taking everything that worked from MK 9, a few contentious elements from Injustice as well as some rather daring new ideas for the genre.

 The core of the game plays exactly like MK 9. Four attack buttons, a block button, Special Moves, EX Special Moves, Kombo Breakers and X-Ray attacks. So far, so good, as MK9 was pretty darn good. From Injustice it takes the ability to interact with certain objects from the background, some are one-time offensive tools, others are reusable jumping pads to gain a better positions. This was a very interesting choice, as interactive Stage Elements weren't universally well received, but MK has always flirted with going outside of the box, I mean, remember Stage Hazards from MK Deception and Armaggeddon? I do. And I wish I could forget.

 There are two big additions to the fighting: Variations and Brutalities. Brutalities are just another way to finish off an enemy with a bit of flair, they are done by fulfilling certain conditions and finishing off an enemy with a special move. Variations is where it gets interesting, because every character has 3 different variations, each variation has access to a few unique special moves, and sometimes, it even changes a few of a character's normal moves. For example, Jax could either go with the Grappler variation, that grants him access to special grabs, or use the Heavy Arms variations that allows him to use his machinegune and rocket launcher. Sub-Zero can only use his Ice Clones when in his GrandMaster variation, but you could also use a variation that lets him use Ice weapons. Every variation adds a little cosmetic addition or change to a character, which applies to every costume, and is a nice detail.

 Now onto what through a few people off.... if you remember MK9, pretty much every body died... so for this game, there's a ton of new characters, a lot of them being offsprings of stablished characters, such as Cassie Cage, daughter of Johnny and Sonya. Most fighting game fans HATE when fighting games do this... but I've always enjoyed it. Tekken 3, Soul Calibur 5, Street Fighter 3 and Garou Mark of the Wolves, I like when the story moves forward, I like the idea of successors. As for the new four main characters, I really liked Cassie and Takeda, Jacqui I didn't care about and Kung Jin I hated, because he is the new arrogant, cocky kid in the block, but I like the fact that someone with that personality is part of the group, adds a bit of variety, which I like. That said, I think they might've shilled the new characters a bit too much, when Takeda beats Scorpion, even if he wasn't taking it seriously, left a sour taste on my mouth. And I like Takeda. Kotal Khan is Shado Khan's successor, and he sucks. Seriously, he is supposed to be the next Khan, but he gets his butt kicked by Kung Jin... and then by pretty much everyone else he fights, probably because his chapter comes very early, so afterwards he turns into someone the player must defeat.

 This version of the game includes the 8 DLC characters. Four of them are returning characters, Bo'Rai Cho, Tremor(MK Special Forces, baby!), Triborg and Tanya... the other four will be a bit more divisive. Look, I was fine with Freddy Kruger in MK 9, and I would've been fine with ONE of these, but were Jason Vorhees, Predator, Alien and LeatherFace really all that requested? When it comes to crossover characters, I'd rather keep them to a minimum, I much prefer having characters that can evolve and/or change, or at least affect the story in any meaningful way. Look, I'm a HUGE horror movie aficionado, Jason, Predator and Alien ARE my childhood, but I would've much rather have other MK characters, like Reiko, Jarek and Mavado over these guests.

 Speaking of the Story Mode... Holy s.... It's amazing. Structurally, it has the same issues MK9 had, basically, every chapter has you playing as the same character for four fights, which means that when you play as someone, suddenly everyone else gets weaker so that your character can shine, and after their chapter is over they turn into punching bags. That aside, the lighting, the camera angles, the dialogue... it feels VERY cinematic. Look, the story itself is nothing to write home about, it really isn't, but it feels like a perfectly fine popcorn movie, and it looks the part too. It's pretty lengthy too, easily taking over 2 hours, although, sadly, you only get to play as 12 of the 32 character roster. They added QTEs to the Story Mode, but failing them has no consequence, except maybe robbing you of your character being a badass for a short while.

 Alright, so Netherrealms has never had the prettiest character models ever, nor the prettiest animations, but... Jesus, these character models range from decent to fantastic, which is a HUGE step up from previous games in the series, in which characters could look like very ugly facsimiles of humans at their worst. The character models themselves are very large and very detailed. The animations are much better than anything NR did before. Most walking animations need some serious, serious polishing, but most of the attack animations are really good, they really do get better after each game. It's still not quite something like Tekken or Street Fighter, but we're getting there! If there's something to complain about it's that the color palette is very subdued, even the red blood looks muddy at times, the game could've used more vibrant colors. Which is something they fixed with MK 11, judging from its bright yellow cover.

 Besides the Story Mode, there are are also Single Player Towers you can partake in, heck, Arcade Mode is now 'Klassik Tower', which rewards the player with a brief ending for your character upon completion. The Krypt returns, and it's now a first person mini-game, not only are you opening up coffins for rewards, you're also collecting items in order to open up other areas! An unnecessary amount of time and care went into something that could've been a boring list of items to unlock. Honestly, this game's production values are through the roof, I don't know how they managed to get so much money to sink into this game, but boy, is it something marvelous.

 One caveat with this disc... It doesn't include every DLC costume. It's missing costumes such as the Medieval pack, the Cosplay pack and even the cool metallic ninja costumes for Scorpion, Sub-Zero and Ermac. If that wasn't disappointing enough, some costumes are locked behind the online modes, which I think should be a BIG no no. At least we get every DLC character, which is what really matters.

 Worth mentioning, the game crashed on me multiple times throughout the Arcade Ladder, which wasn't very fun.

 I always used to think that Mortal Kombat was overrated. Heck, I think the only reason people held it in high regard was because it came out at the right time, and for whatever reason the violence managed to mask how basic and dull the gameplay was, I mean, Mortal Kombat couldn't hold a candle to Street Fighter II. But since MK9 Netherrealms have turned into a heavy-weight of the genre. Sure, the competitive scene might devolve into projectile-fests, but Mortal Kombat and Injustice are quality games that manage to offer fun gameplay, and the right mix of substance and style to keep most people happy. 

9.0

Game #884: Remothered - Broken Porcelain

  It's broken alright....

 Talk about disappointing, while the first game, 'Tormented Fathers' was a bit lacking in a few ways, it was also quite promising, being a decent tribute to the classic Clock Tower games. It was scary and cheesy in all the right ways. Remothered: Broken Porcelain ups the cheese, lowers the scares and couples them with an ungodly amount of bugs and glitches that range from funny to heartbreaking, as a matter of fact, the game can't be beaten without downloading the patch. It's that bad.

 Let's start with the story, I watched trailers such as 'Whispers', and it looked really interesting. You'd continue Rosemary's story while also delving deeper into Celeste's story, the missing girl from the first game. But it's so poorly told. At first the game does a boring, extensive info dump on the player in the way of boring dialogue that goes on and on. And then we delve into Celeste's past, and they try to build up her relationship with her friend, Linn, throughout flashbacks, but... they are poorly paced and sometimes very cringy, the Piano scene is meant to be romantic, but it looked ridiculously silly. Lip movements are so minuscule that sometimes it looks as if characters aren't moving their lips when speaking, and if you pause during a dialogue, for any reason, the subtitles will get out of synch from the audio. Assuming the scene has subtitles, because some scenes are unsubbed.

 They tweaked a few mechanics, now you play as Celeste most of the time, and she can carry a limitless amount of defensive items, said items also respawn regularly inside the Inn. You can 'craft' items, which means adding extra stun effect to a few defensive items, but every now and then the game will remove these enhanced items from you inventory just because. Oh, and after cutscenes your equipped items will get unequipped, so be wary lest you get murdered because you couldn't defend yourself. There are also sneak attacks against Stalkers, which is alright, I guess?

 Celeste also gets super powers, which are never properly explained WHAT they are(It's as if you take control of a disembodied spirit? The game mentions telekinesis at one point, but this doesn't feel like telekinesis) or how to use them. The game just says "Press Right to use your powers" and then... nothing. Figure out on your own that you have to use R2 to fly forwards. And it's so clunky, it's easy to get stuck on the tiny vents the game expects you to send your.... telekinesis? through.

 The game runs like butt. Seriously, the framerate seems to be on the lower 20s most of the time, and it isn't a particularly good looking game. Sometimes moving the camera around in order to interact with objects is a pain in the butt, I don't remember having this issue in the first game, so I don't know why or how they managed to break something that worked fine before. There's a new upgrade system, which is a really neat idea. You can collect Moth Keys around the Inn and then use it in designated spots to upgrade different abilities. Problem is... the game will regularly remove keys from your inventory. It seems to be tied to reloading, either because you died or because you exited the game, which is just annoying.

 Look, the game would be downright unplayable without Autosaves, I was a victim to so many soft locks it isn't even funny. I'll proceed to list everything I came across:

Firstly, the worst one, during the fourth chapter you are supposed to collect a Recorder and use it to record a voice. I collected the item but it didn't count as a tool item, so I couldn't use it. I reloaded my last save, the last autosaves, but it never worked. I even reloaded an old save and got through a very annoying boss fight again and.... the item still wouldn't count as a tool. But the BEST part about it? The patch fixes that issue with the recorder... but now you can't interact with the safe! I even came across youtube comments saying the same thing. THE GAME IS STILL UNBEATABLE, at least on PS4. Unbelievable.

 There was this time I got into a locker and the stalked forced me out of it. I mashed X and got inside the locker again and.... the controls stopped working. Had to restart. Another time I sneak attacked a Stalker as it opened a door and... soft lock. The stalker got stuck and I got stuck, the controls stopped responding too. Another time I got into a locker RIGHT before a scripted sequence happened and.... controls stopped working.

 This one time, there's a boss jump scare. But I was fooling around and triggered my super powers, which highlights bosses.... so I shot at him before he was triggered and nothing happened. I tried to use the microphone the game expects you to use and... he got up from his hiding spot, but wouldn't move! I kept shooting at him, I tried sneak-attacking him, but nothing would outroot him from his spot. I saved my game, reloaded and.... the game thought I finished the boss fight and let me proceed!

 There's this sequence in which you have to trigger a jukebox through your powers. I mashed X against the jukebox, since I wasn't sure if I was triggering anything and... the game didn't proceed as it should. A character gets to a door and... wouldn't open it. I reloaded, pressed X on the jukebox once and everything went as it should. There's this silly, cringy basketball mini-game against Linn, and every time she misses Celeste repeats the same line, I thought I had entered an endless loop for a while.

 Then there's the overall feeling of sloppiness. There's a boss fight in which you have to use a fire extinguisher, and you're not told how to use it. Firstly, getting to the fire extinguisher is a bit of a hassle, because the Stalker is right in front of it, and Stalkers are very aggressive, it's very easy to die if they just touch you once, because your hitstun is so lengthy that they can just keep hitting you without giving you a chance to get away. This is true for most Stalkers, but at least once you get the Defensive item prompt you can stun them for a bit and get away. Regardless, say that you manage to get the fire extinguisher, your natural instinct will tell you that you should hold L2 to aim and then hold R2 to spray him with the extinguisher. But nope, that will only get you killed in seconds flat. You actually have to get close to the enemy, and press R2 ONCE to hit him with... pressurized air? And then GET AWAY for the thing to.... recharge? And then repeat the process a few more items. It's very clunk, very counterintuitive and it makes no sense as to why it should work this way.

 What an utter piece of garbage. Remothered: Tormented Fathers was SO enjoyable, so much fun. Sure, its low budget showed through some of its clunkiness, but it was very, very playable. The entire time I played this game it felt as if I was fighting against it, very early through the playthrough I just stopped having fun entirely. And it's sad, because I was really starting to like the new characters, I liked the direction they went with the story, bad dialogue aside, but this game should've never been released in this state, and it's downright criminal that such a promising series might be cancelled because they rushed this game for Halloween.

 1.5

Game #883: Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection

  Street Fighter's Alright Collection.

 Dude, I love Street Fighter. I can vividly remember LOVING the hell out of a bootleg family conversion of Street Fighter II. Years later, as a teen, I'd come across a bootleg copy of Street Fighter Zero II on a flea market, which would rekindle my love for the series. Heck, as of today, Street Fighter III remains one of my favorite fighting games of all times, the animation is superb and the Parry is the best mechanic ever added to a fighting game, having to tap forward, and thus forgoing the ability to block in coming damage for a change at avoiding chip damage or getting an opening on your enemy is PURE brilliance. And it's because I hold so much love for the series that I can't help but feel like Street Fighter: 30th Anniversary Collection could've been so much more.

 The game features 12 games. The first six are made up of Street Fighter 1, which is absolute garbage but a neat addition to a compendium like this, as well as five versions of Street Fighter II, vanilla, Championship, Turbo, Super, Super Turbo. Then we get Alpha 1, 2 and 3, as well as the three versions of Street Fighter III. It's a decent offering, although I would've quite liked Street Fighter IV thrown in here, but I guess having all versions of SFIV would've taken too much space, plus, the PS4 version of USFIV was poorly received. 

 So where does this collection come apart? Two words: Arcade Perfect. These are perfect conversions of the Arcade versions of these games, which is great for Arcade pundits, but... Most of these games received fantastic console ports with a bevy of additions that are sorely missed. There are 0 extra modes, no Survival, no Varial Battle, no Training, nothing but Arcade Ladder or VS player. And online, if you're into that. Street Fighter Alpha 2 had an upgrade, Alpha 2 Gold, that added Cammy, but that version of Alpha 2 isn't here. Alpha 3 is fantastic, but the console port added the missing SF II characters, like Guile and Blanka as well as a few others, but they are nowhere to be seen. Heck, even the PSP had the Alpha 3 Upper that included the bonus characters from the PS1/DC port, as well as the GBA bonus characters as well as Ingrid from Fighting jam. All the bonus unlockable colors from Street Fighter III? Tough luck.

 It's not just that, the games didn't even get tweaked just for convenience sake, having to go through dumb codes to pick the bosses in Alpha 1 is so dumb and archaic, was it too hard to add new slots to the character select screen? The fact that you can't map all three Punch and all three Kick buttons to a single button is downright offensive, considering pretty much every single Street Fighter home port had that option to make up for the joystick's button arrangement. Options for each game are very limited as well, you can only change the difficulty and sometime increase or decrease the damage or speed multipliers. You can't fiddle around with amount of rounds or time per round, which is frankly quite disappointing.

 And, by the by, the Switch is the least ideal console to play this game. The joycons just aren't up to snuff. Trust me, I've played the GBA and PSP versions of Street Fighter Alpha 3, I'm used to less than optimal controls, but the Joycons are easily the worst. I love having so many versions of Street Fighter on the go, and I can put up with these controls, but dang if they aren't wonky, I never struggled so hard getting super moves to go out.

 It's not all bad, y'know? The game offers a fairly extensive gallery, filled with art and information about every game and every single fighter, including being able to see the sprites for each of the characters' super moves. If it was up to me I'd have given access to the full sprite sheet for each character, but it's still a neat extra.

 Here's the thing... this is an average collection of a TON of great games. If you are into the competitive scene and grew up with Street Fighter on the Arcades, then this is everything you'd want and then some. But while I played a bit of Street Fighters on the Arcades, most of my experiences with the franchise came through the fantastic console ports. And while you could argue that the point of the collection was to bring Arcade Perfect ports to the consoles, I'd argue that they could've easily fit some of the console conversions in this pack. So, yeah, it's alright, and if I ever want Street Fighter III on the go I can simply pop this cart on my Switch and enjoy, but I think I'll stick with the PS2 ports otherwise.

7.0

Game #882: Sayonara Wild Hearts

 The coolest, most badass 70's infused acid-trip.

 What is Sayonara Wild Hearts? It's hard to explain, but it's kind of a on-rails runner in which stuff happens at the beat of whichever song is playing. It's also a story about heartbreak, self love and a bunch of other stuff that's hidden beneath it's very stylish aesthetics.

 In the game, the nameless heroine is constantly moving forward, so you have to move from side to side in order to dodge obstacles, enemies or projectiles. Every now and then you'll also get a few button prompts to act, once again, at the beat of the song. The game is INCREDIBLY cool, the aesthetics are simple, but the animations and the things the protagonist must go through are nothing short of jaw-dropping.

 Clearly there's a big emphasis on music, and thankfully, the soundtrack is fantastic. Both me and my girlfriend wound up hearing the OST after finishing the game, it's that good.

 The game is on the short side, we finished it in about two hours, but it's really fun, and it's entertaining as a spectator, which is how I spent 95% of the playthrough as my girlfriend handled the game, because everything looks SO cool, and the implied narrative is honestly very endearing.

8.0

Game #881: Donut County

  Donut try this at home.

 As a fan of Katamari Damacy, to say that Donut County was a big blimp on my radar would be an understatement. Thanks to the people at Iam8bit, I've finally been able to get a physical copy of the game, the way games are meant to be preserved.

 The premise is fun. You play as a small hole that grows into a bigger hole as it sucks stuff in. You move around on the floor, trying to get stuff to fall in you. So it's kind of a puzzle, you have to figure the right order in which to suck stuff in, so that you get larger and can fit even larger stuff in. 

 Unlike Katamari, there's no time limit, so it's much more laid back, which I liked. There are a few other puzzle elements every now and then, like the addition of a catapult that lets you shoot stuff upward, which must be used in order to clear certain levels. There's pretty much no lose state, except maybe in the last level, so you can just take your time and mess around until you figure things out, not like it's hard to anyways.

 The game is short, it felt like it lasted about 1:30 hours, but, hey, it's a very fun time. The plot is dumb, in a good way, and the gameplay is relaxingly fun. Anyone up for a chill, simple game will be right at home with this one.

 7.0

Game #880: Trap Gunner

 I guess you could say that... it's a trap.

 Back in the day I used to purchase videogame magazines. It was in an issue of either Xpert Gamer or Gamepro that featured a guide for Trap Gunner, and it had a section that featured all the playable characters, and man, the Ninja looked so cool! Everyone looked cool!. I spent years wishing I could play the game until I forgot about it. And now, years later, I finally got to play it. It was OK.

 Alright, so here's the thing with Trap Gunner, just like games like Twisted Metal, it's supposed to be played against other people, and playing by yourself just isn't very fun because matches can go on for a long time, and it's not like you can have a trash-talking back and forth with the AI.

 Regardless, what is Trap Gunner? It's a one-on-one versus game. You play as either of six characters, 9 if you unlock the bonus characters, and must shoot down your enemy, using traps to deal big damage or your pea shooter to help you. The game seems more complicated than it really is, but it features a serviceable, fully voiced video tutorial to put you up to speed.

 Each character has many elements that set them apart from the others. Their starting trap set is different, they have different projectiles that deal different amounts of damage, have different sized clips as well as speeds. Even their walking speed can be different. My favorite trap was the Mine, because it's very simple to use, so the Ninja I liked so much back then was a perfect fit, since he starts with 3 mines. On the other hand, keep in mind that your basic, infinite projectile weapon turns into a melee attack when an enemy is close to you, a melee attack with different speed and properties than your main gun.

 Your basic gun deals pathetic amounts of damage, so it's best used as a keepaway tool... or to make an enemy botch their attempts at disarming a trap. There are many traps: Mines, bombs that can't explode on their own, detonators(Detonated with the X button and can trigger mines and bombs in its vicinity), gas traps, force-push traps and pitfall traps, and the beauty of it is that you can combine traps. For example, surround a mine with bombs to deal massive damage. Or use a force-push trap to push an enemy into a mine. It's not like there are a million different combinations, but you can have some fun.

 The game is played in split-screen, even against the CPU, so you can see their part of the screen to aid yourself. Holding down the Triangle button slows you down to a crawl, but allows you to see enemy traps... and disarm them. Disarming a trap involves simple button inputs, and if you get it right you get a bit of health back and the enemy loses the trap, since they normally restock after an enemy sets them off. However, if you fail the inputs, or if you get attacked when you are doing the disarming, the trap will trigger.

 To keep you on the move, the game will regularly spawn traps or power ups on designated spots on the map, and you can tell that something has spawned because the spot will blink on the mini-map. It can also lead into strategizing, since you might want to set up traps for the enemy to trigger when trying to get more traps or trap stocks. Eventually, The Unit will spawn, an enemy tracking, plasma-sphere that deals a ton of damage, and it usually turns into a scramble to get The Unit before the enemy does. And if they do, trying to knock them down so that it breaks.

 I'm glad to have finally played the game, even if it wasn't everything younger me expected. That said, call it a hunch, but I've a feeling this game can be quite fun when played with somebody else.

 6.0 

Game #879: Naruto Shippuden Dragon Blade Chronicles

  Naruto, prankster, ninja, jinchuriki and... dragon slayer.

 I don't know who came up with the idea behind Naruto Shippuden: Dragon Blade Chronicles, but this is an idea that could've resulted in something disastrous. Naruto wielding a sword and fighting dragons? First, why? Second, WHY? Well, the truth is that this isn't a very good game. But it does have its charm, believe it or not.

 What is the charm? Despite the story feeling like just more of your dumb filler episodes, every character involved gets redesigned to use armor bits.... and I really like the new designs! Honestly, I think the armor bits make everyone look rather cool, heck, Naruto, Sakura and Sai got full redesigns and not just armor added to their outfits. When Shippuden came out everyone got simplified, boring redesigns, these new designs makes everyone look more interesting, like Neji. Even the Akatsuki and Team Taka got new duds! This also made it disappointing that only Sasuke and Naruto are playable, the rest of the characters barely appearing in the game. Heck, Sai gets sent away to 'spy' on the Akatsuki, not being seen again until the end of the game, even if he gets a few audio bits talking with Kakashi.

 Other bits I liked: You can use the Gamecube controller to play, and the game features a completely unnecessary Naruto VS Sasuke 2 Player mode! I also found it interesting how there's no Normal difficulty, it's either Easy or Hard, no in-between. Why? Same reason this game exists: Nobody knows.

 The game itself is a very linear action game in which you play as Naruto, and a very few times as Sasuke, as you try to defeat the five elemental dragons. The game is 3 hours short, maybe shorter. It took me just shy of five hours to beat the game because.... in order to extend the game's life, the game hides a few upgrades behind gates that can only be broken on your second visit through a level, something you can only do once you get to the final level, and you can't just get the upgrades and turn tail, oh no, you have to finish the stage again and fight the boss again. Pretty lame way to extend the game, and sure, it's optional, but the completionist inside me just had to scratch that itch.

 The second fight against the Lightning Dragon is absolutely insane. In the first fight you can call in Rock Lee to make him approach. But without Rock Lee there was no way to dissipate the fog. GameFaqs has no FAQs, nobody asked about the fight, and nobody recorded the rematch. What you actually have to do is spam Rasengan until the fog clears. This fight took me almost an hour because I just couldn't figure out what to do, and there's absolutely no hint about using the Rasengan.

 I got a bit ahead of myself there! The game is simple to a fault, you mash the A button to repeat the same combo over and over again. Hopefully you explore a bit(Not like there's much to explore) and find Ninja Scrolls that allow you to use Jutsus after the third hit, as well as the scrolls that extend you basic 3 hit combo. That said, even after getting every possible skill the combat remains dull, there isn't much in the way of creativity and the combat never evolves. You can change the nature of the Dragon Blade, but why would you? The benefits it confers you are meaningless. The Lightning blade may paralyze the enemy. The Fire blade might put them on fire. The other three I've no idea. Enemy waves are seemingly endless, and there's no reward for defeating them besides health and chakra restoratives, so eventually I just started avoiding them unless fighting them was an absolute necessity to progress.

 Besides the Ninja scrolls you can also find Health and Chakra upgrades as well as new Jutsu. You can equip four jutsu at a time, each one assigned to a different direction on the D-Pad. Just by telling you that you can realize how uncomfortable that is. With the gamecube controller you attack with the A button, and must now use your movement-thumb to use a Jutsu. It's even worse with the Wiimote. Sure, you can remap the buttons, but no configuration is good enough. The C-Stick would've been a better choice. But here's the thing... there's no depth, no fun to be had. It's not like you can use a Jutsu to pop the enemy into the air and continue your combo, or Jutsu with different properties for different situations, there's nothing here.

 The story is so damn intrusive. You can't go two steps without triggering a game-stopping conversation. The cutscenes are lifeless AND boring, not a good combination. But the worst part about it? You can't skip dialogue. You can skip ENTIRE conversations or cutscenes, which is the bare minimum, but you can't read the dialogue at your own pace, instead you have to wait for the characters to say every single line if you want to know what's going on. By the by, it's not very interesting, feel free to skip it. This isn't the anime, I want to play, not watch. And the script is pure filler, without any real character development or consequences, which means the game's plot DOESN'T MATTER, so don't shove it down my throat.

 Since I'm at it, words can't describe how boring the ending is. Characters go on and on about pointless drivel or take an exceedingly long time to explain things that you already know. Jesus Christ, just get to the point already. And your reward for finishing the game? A Dragon Rasengan Jutsu and a hideous red and yellow recolor for Naruto.

 The final nail in the game's coffin is its performance. The game slows down to a crawl ALL the time. The game isn't particularly good looking, nor does it feel like it should tax the Wii that much, and yet, even having enemies spawn far away from you, not even appearing on the screen, can make the game's framerate drop into the low 10s. I'm not exaggerating, this game runs incredibly poorly.

 So, Naruto Shippuden: Dragon Blade Chronicles is pretty bad. Boring combat, even duller story that interrupts the game all the time and a massive amount of slowdown makes for a poor showing, even for a licensed game. The one thing I'll commend them for is giving every character involved a redesign, but as amusing as it is to see everyone wearing something different, it can't make up for what a terrible game this is.

3.0

Game #878: Dragon's Lair 3D - Return to the Lair

 No animated eye-candy in this one.

 So, I've something I gotta admit... I never played the original Dragon's Lair, something I'm quite ashamed of, but I just haven't had the chance. And yet, I decided to take the plunge with Dragon's Lair 3D: Return to the Lair. It looked decent, and it was my chance to experience a slice of the Dragon's Lair franchise.

 Unlike the original game, this is a very linear adventure game in which you take direct control of Dirk the Daring. You can jump, slice with your sword, use a crossbow or even use magic items, such as a hovering wings or a magical armor that protects Dirk from heat. That sounds very different, and it is. Even the plot has changed, into a weird amalgamation of the first two games, taking bits and pieces from the plots of both games. The only animated footage you get is the intro, which I found quite disappointing as I had hoped it'd used cutscenes from the original game.

 Something that hasn't changed, however, is that Dirk must deal with a ton of one-hit kills, to the point of annoyance. There are plenty of murderous traps that there simply is no way for you to know they are there until you fell for them at least once. There's a particular nasty one near the end of the game, in which just try to open this mundane looking door ends with Dirk dying. It's not funny because the game recycles the same death animation over and over again. It really turns a somewhat average platforming game into a dull trial-and-error-athon..

 The game has some... interesting design choices. For instance, you must sheathe your weapons if you want to cling to any surface, so if you want to do some platforming you'd best sheathe your weapons. It's not too bad, but my biggest gripe with the controls concerns jumping, for you see, you can't jump immediately after jumping, despite Dirk already breaking into a run. There's a platform almost-puzzle section in which you must jump from platform to platform, avoiding fireballs that can kill you if they touch you, and for the longest time I thought my Joystick was giving out on me. It wasn't, I realized that you couldn't jump immediately after landing. The section was still annoying because Dirk running jumps went too far, but once I understood how things worked I finally managed to clear this section.

 I liked the graphics. Dirk and his enemies feature a very simple look, with an equally simple cell-shading applied to the models, but this simplicity makes characters look like their 2-D counterparts. Well, this applies to Dirk and a few key enemies, since I don't know if some of the common enemies actually appeared in the original.

 Dragon's Lair 3D: Return to the Lair is almost good. I'm not gonna lie, there are some very decent and exciting sections in the game, so when everything manages to gel together, it can be decent fun. That said, most of the time is spent falling victim to numerous traps you simply didn't know where coming, and some boss fights can be downright frustrating, requiring strategies that make it feel as if you are cheesing the game and not playing properly.

 4.0

Game #877: Bloodstained - Ritual of the Night(Playstation 4)

 At least it ain't an oil stain, those are nasty.

  Man, this game couldn't catch a breath! While most people would agree that Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night is, at its core, a good game, it received a lot of complaints, mostly from players, regarding its performance. They said that the Switch version was unplayable, which was a flat-out lie as I finished the game on that console, and trust me, it's VERY playable even if it didn't have a tip-top performance. I read that performance on PS4Pro and XOneS was just as bad, with as many crashes and... that's a lie too, as I played the game on the basic PS4 and, lemme tell you, it was a fun, fun time.

 Since I already talked about the game at length on the Switch entry, and the game remains pretty much the same, I'll delve into the little things I noticed on my second playthrough. But first, I'll start with the performance... The game is beautiful, and it plays great. Back in the Switch version I got used to saving before talking to any NPC, to protect myself from crashes, but after a lot of paranoia induced saving I realized that... it isn't an issue on this version. I read that the PS4 version also crashed when reading books or talking to NPCs, but that was NEVER an issue on my playthrough. And I played the unpatched version. There are a few frame drops here and there, sometimes in areas that aren't even graphically intensive, or during moments that don't even have a lot of things moving around at the same time, but they aren't intrusive or detrimental to the player, at all. I'll admit that the game crashed one time in the final area, the Ice Tomb, but it was a single crash, a stark comparison to the crash-prone Switch version. This is the best way to experience the game, no ifs or buts, although I still think that a handheld console feels better for this genre. 

 One feature I really hated is that accessories and hats show on Miriam's model. This wouldn't be an issue if I didn't want stat boosts... without looking ridiculous. Like the stone mask, it has some pretty good stat bonuses... but Miriam looks hideous wearing it. In these games I usually use accessories to boost my Luck, and thus get better goodies, but I hated having to use that Santa Claus hat for so long since Miriam looked dumb. At least the ribbon, later in the game, conferred better stats and didn't look as silly. Miriam has a great visual design, and these 'funny' accessories kinda detract from how good she looks.

 The game is still fantastic, I still think it's one of the best, and largest, Metroidvanias Koji Igarashi ever made, however, on this second playthrough there were two areas that rubbed me the wrong way. Firstly, the underwater section. You get two means to traverse these parts: First, with an optional Soul that lets you shoot water stream jets to propel yourself in the opposite direction. It's imprecise and not a fun way to move around underwater. Then you get a Passive ability that lets you sink and walk underwater.... but you move at the speed of molasses, making it impossible to dodge the underwater obstacles. The worst part about it is that you can't mix both means of traversal, either you toggle the Sink ability On or Off, because if it's on, you can't use the water jets. I was so happy the moment I was done with the underwater caverns.

 The other area that feels a bit week is the penultimate environment, the Den of Behemoths. Firstly, it has got a very uninspired theme: Giant versions of enemies you've already fought, while traversing through enlarged areas you've already explored, The Garden of Silence specifically. But each zone of this area is so massive in size that exploring it becomes a chore. It's the only zone I didn't bother to fully explore, because it was so boring, and due to its size, it could be a bit hard to figure out how to get into some of its nooks and crannies. Enemies in this Zone also have a particularly low Shard drop-rate, which made it even more of a bore. Add to that the fact that, for a Metroidvania, this is a rather lengthy game, so by the time you arrive to this area you might be starting to feel a bit burned out, so the fact that it's made of enlarged-recycled stuff kinda kills the momentum. Luckily, the are ends on a high note, with a fun boss fight against the Gambler, and then the game picks up back again with the Ice Tomb. Still, I think Bloodstained would be a better game if the entire Den of Behemoths got cut, and this is a hill I'd die on.

 I know, I know, most of this entry is made up of criticism, but the original Switch entry is pretty much all praise, and I stand by it, the game is an absolute blast, and as I said above, I think this is one of Igarashi's finest. I'd easily place this game on the top echelons of the genre, beneath only Portrait of Ruin, Symphony of the Night and Aria of Sorrow. The developers put the huge amount of money they collected to good use, and it really shows that this was a passion project for Iga and his team, and I just can't wait for them to apply everything they learned making this game on a sequel.

 8.5

Game #876: Naruto - Clash of Ninja

  They had to start somewhere, right?

 In what feels like a lifetime ago I played Naruto Shippuden Clash of Ninja Revolution 3, and it was really good. It was touted as a anime fighter that could also be played competitively, and while your mileage may vary on that one, it was certainly a fun one... even if it played exactly like every single other fighting game 8ing ever made. Seeing how it was the last Clash of Ninja game ever released, at least outside of Japan, I decided to go back to their first entry, Naruto: Clash of Ninja.

 Well, the good news is that the game plays well. You have two attack buttons, and characters have pre-set combo strings using those buttons, sometimes needing to add a directional tap alongside the button press. There's also a grab, a super move and a substitution dodge that consumes chakra. It's fine, it feels just like Bleach Heat the Soul, Fullmetal Alchemist Dream Carnival or Bloody Roar. As far as mechanics goes, it's more than serviceable, and characters feel different enough... even if most of them have a counter move.

 The problem is... there's no content in the game. There are only 8 different characters(10 if you count alternate forms) and barely any content. There's a 40 minute story mode that features a truncated bit of story, from Naruto becoming a Ninja 'till the start of the Ninja trials. It's just an excuse to have you, as Naruto, fight the other seven characters: Iruka, Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi, Haku, Zabuza and... Rock Lee. If anything, I'm glad we have a playable Iruka that has an actual moveset and isn't a joke character. He also fights with a giant Shuriken, almost, as if he was meant to be Mizuki... Which, honestly, would've made more sense even for the story mode, since Iruka never tests Naruto in physical combat!

 Alright, so how do they fix having no content? By making unlocking characters as annoying as possible. In order to unlock One-Tailed Naruto and Curse-Mark Sasuke, first you have to beat the Arcade mode as everyone, which unlocks Sound Test. Now you have to beat Arcade mode as everyone, AGAIN. I did it once, and the game was fun, but, no thanks, I'd rather spend my time doing other things.

 Naruto: Clash of Ninja is alright. If the game was analyzed in a vacuum, sure, it's fun, plays well, the whole gamut. But... the roster is pathetic, the amount of content in the game is pathetic, the fact is, you can get Naruto games that play exactly like this one but have tons more characters, making this entry a fun curiosity at its best.

 4.0 

Game #875: The Simpsons Game

  Well, the beat'em up genre worked before, so...

 The Simpsons Game is a weird one. It has a lot of really strong points and neat ideas, but it's also very clunky and boring. In a few areas it actually excels over every other Simpsons game I've played, a list that includes the Arcade Game and Hit 'n Run, but the fact that it falls behind in a few key areas means that this one is just for the fans.

 The best part about the game is that it has about 40 minutes of all new original animation made exclusively for the game, and they cut no corners, this footage is as crisp and well animated as any episode from the show. Your mileage may vary on the quality of modern Simpson's scripts, but the script was written by the same staff from the show, and they made it very self-referential, as the Simpsons know that they are in a videogame. I won't lie, some of the references got a few chuckles out of me, as the game loves lampooning other videogames, even Maxis' own Will Wright makes an appearance! The game gets an A+ on effort alone.

 While the game is divided into different stages, each one requiring a different pair of Simpsons, you get a fairly drab recreation of Springfield. What makes it so lackluster is that there's nothing interesting to do in the city. Sure, you can try to find all 300 collectibles, 75 per family member, but they really aren't worth it. Still, they went the extra mile and modelled a lot of the interiors, even the entire Simpsons house, however, as accurate and amusing these interiors are.... they are filled with invisible walls that makes exploring them very dull. It's almost annoying how much effort they probably spent only to get some very awkward movement inside them. And there's not reason as to why HOUSE INTERIORS should have friggin' invisible walls, it makes no sense. Why try so hard but make it so lame?

 Here's the truth of the matter, at its core, this game is a very basic beat'em up. You move from end to end, mashing the Square-Square-Triangle combo while solving some sometimes annoying puzzles. Each character has different abilities, Homer can turn into a giant ball of fat(Because he is fat, get it?) and roll around, or inhale helium and turn into a balloon. Bart can shoot with his slingshot or glide as Bart-man. Lisa can find a few select spots where she can meditate to interact with a few objects, lifting them in order to create bridges or activate bridges. Marge can rile up mobs and direct them to destroy or build stuff.

 Despite all these abilities, 70% of the game will be spent mowing down enemies with the same, unsatisfying square-square-triangle combo. Often times against either endless waves of enemies or trying to clear a way towards the enemy generator. Because having an enemy generator makes so much sense in a Simpsons videogame. It's super easy too, despite how dumb your AI partner is. The game has 2-Player co-op, which is probably a BIT more fun. Even if a character dies, which your CPU ally will probably do a lot, all you have to do is run around until they wake up, with the cherry on top being that health regenerates all the time, so you even get healed while you wait for your partner to wake up.

 Lisa and Marge get the least play time, and it makes sense, because Marge is boring and List just as much. It's ridiculous how much playtime Bart and Homer are given in comparison, y'know, heck, even Lisa gets more stages than poor Marge. Marge doesn't even get a paired stage with Bart. And it makes sense, between all gimmicks, hers is the worst. But don't worry, they gave Lisa some very annoying segments. Segments in which you have to attempt to meditate to move stuff while endless waves of enemies try to interrupt you, as your AI partner fails to protect you. Honestly, who thought that was fun?

 And to compliment the mostly boring gameplay, we get a wonky camera that sometimes fixes itself on an awkward angle. Moving around also feels like it's slightly slower than it should.

 As far as fanservice goes, this is the best Simpsons game by far. The new footage is a brilliant addition, and the script feels like something that could've come out of the show's modern era. And yet, as much as it succeeds on its window decorations... it fails to provide a fun experience. Beat'em ups are fun, I like beat'em ups, but combat in this game is so unsatisfying, and the 'exclusive abilities' each Simpson gets fail to make for fun objectives and goals. Still, I'll give them this, I think enduring through the game could be a worthwhile experience for funs of the show.

4.0