Now Playing: Seven Samurai 20XX

 It's hard going into this after playing Devil May Cry 3....

 So I played the first chapter and... it's not very bueno?

 Firstly, the good:
 I adore the concept of a character that wields a sword but has a two-sword super mode, that's actually kinda cool. The animations is kinda cool too. Kinda. It's weird, moving around is kinda clunky, and performing the steps and somersaults feel heavy, but the attacking animations are kinda smooth. The guard system is kinda original, since it lasts for a few seconds.

 The bad:
 It's SOOOOOOO bland. Like, the first chapter had me pressing the square button, going from fight to fight to fight to fight and nothing else. The combat isn't every deep or engaging, you just tap that square button, with the occasional step or guard. No new moves to earn, no nuttin'.

 So... it's alrightish.

Review #471: Dragon Ball Z - Ultimate Battle 22

 Dragon Ball Z - Ultimate bad game 22.

It's actually called Ultimate 27. Kinda

 The good news? It's not the worst Dragon Ball Z I've ever played, it's actually playable. The bad news? It's still bad. Welcome to Ultimate Battle 22, or Ultimate Battle 27 if you input the code, a Dragon Ball fighting game released on the PS1 featuring 22(Or 27) characters from the series duking it out on a 2-D plane.

 The game offers an Arcade ladder('VS Cpu', that has you fighting all 22 opponents), VS Player, a Tournament Mode and a Build Up mode(make your character stronger), and that's pretty much it. Ultimate Battle takes after the Super Butoden games, and let me let you in a little secret... the Butoden series wasn't very good in the first place. You've got a punch button, a kick button, an energy attack button and triangle that lets you fly. You can charge lost energy by holding any of the three attack buttons, which takes a few seconds before it actually goes off. There're combos, special moves and energy-consuming super moves all done by different directional inputs.

Even Hercule wishes he wasn't in the game.

 The game feels very floaty and fighting isn't much fun. It's all too easy to get a grab instead of a punch when pressing square while near an opponent, and the game's engine doesn't leave much room for creativity when it comes to chaining your attacks. It's basic, bland and lifeless.

 But a mundane game I could do with, if only it didn't look so bad. To the game's credit, they tried making the sprites look like anime cut-outs, and they nailed it, but the animation is horrible and the sprites look very out of place, like the characters don't quite belong on the backgrounds. They are pretty inconsistent too, Recoome looks as if he's been shrunk so his head is tiny in comparison to others, while 18's head is enormous. And what about SSJ3 Goku's horrible walk cycle? The game, as a whole, looks horrible. On the flip-side, the music is pretty good... but a lot of it doesn't fit a Fighting game, like Dabura's theme or Mirai Trunks'.

What's up with Goku's leg?

 The icing on the cake is that they removed a bit of stuff from the Japanese version, namely the pre-fight conversations... luckily, nothing of value was lost and having them in the game wouldn't have changed a thing about its quality. Also, they named Gogeta 'Vegeto', I swear to god...

 Dragon Ball Z Ultimate Battle 22 is bad, alright? It's not the worst Dragon Ball Z game ever, which is a very depressing statement to make, and is, in fact, quite playable. But it's simply bland and rather lackluster, why would you ever want to play it? Morbid curiosity?
3.0 out of 10

Review #470: Dragon Ball Z - Idainaru Dragon Ball Densetsu / Dragon Ball Z Legends

 Two wrongs don't make a right, but between all three PS1 DB games, this is the only good one.

 It was pretty funny when Capcom decided to prank all American player by making the Normal difficulty of Devil May Cry 3 the equivalent of Hard from the Japanese release, but trust me, they got nothing on Bandai. Y'see, once Dragon Ball Z caught wind outside Japan it was time to bring the games, so what did they do? They localized the two horrid, terrible, awful nigh unplayable games but left the best one, the good one, behind. Good one, Bandai.

 It's hard to place Idainaru Dragon Ball Densetsu under a genre, but let's call it a fighting game. A 3-on-3 open-arena fighting game of sorts. You get a Story Mode, that covers the entire Dragon Ball story from the Saiyan Saga to the Buu Saga in 8 brief chapters, a VS CPU and VS Player mode and an unlockable Special Battle mode, which tasks you with defeating specific teams while using specific characters. It's a nice selection of modes and characters, although Tien and Yamucha are mysteriously missing, most relevant characters are here. In this game you, and up to two other CPU allies, do battle against 3 other opponents(Who can be helmed by another player too) on big open-ended, but simple looking, arenas while moving on a 2-D plane.

 So how do you play this game? Pretty simple, you hold Up on the dpad to go towards you opponent and you hold Down to retreat. It sounds weird, but trust me, it works beautifully. Circle is used to produce simple punches, but using direction(Up, Down, Left, Right) will produce different power-launchers that can be chain together(Unless your opponent counterattacks), as well as combos(Double tapping towards your opponent) or circular assaults by doing half-circle motions. The Square button produces weak ki blasts and Triangle is used to charge Ki or dash. And you need to charge Ki since everything consumes Ki, punching and shooting, and if you run out you'll be defenseless for a few valuable seconds. Lastly R1 and R2 is used to switch between your characters and L1 and L2 to switch which enemy you want to target.

 Landing hits doesn't actually do damage but instead pushes the 'Power Balance' gauge towards your advantage. Fill the gauge with your color(Blue or Red) and your character will perform a super move that will actually do damage. Do this 3-4 times to defeat a single character. It sounds weird, but it's pretty fun. It also means that battles can take a while since a 'round' can last a long, long while you push-and-pull the power balance, and then you have to do this quite a few times to finally kill of an opponent for good. As for the characters, all characters are basically the same, save for their super attacks and even then the difference is negligible, a few might need 3 supers to take down an enemy and others 4, not much difference, now is it?

 All things considered, the game should not be considered a 'competitive fighting game', sure, there's fighting, but 1 on 1 duels are pretty lame and lack strategy, you just try to get in the first hit and perform combos, while the victim tries to counter-attack when the power-launchers come. And when battles have more than two combatants, well, the CPU takes control of every other character, so any skill goes out the window and luck factors in. It's a fun fighting game, but it can't and shouldn't be taken seriously.

 Dragon Ball Z - Idainaru Dragon Ball Densetsu is a game that managed to capture Dragon Ball Z's action perfectly while remaining constricted to the limitations of the Playstation 1. Not only is it a fantastic Dragon Ball Z game, it's a great game period, and one that's pretty unique in what it does, there's no other game quite like it, and what it does, it does with aplomb.
 8.0 out of 10

Review #469: Devil May Cry 3 - Dante's Awakening Special Edition(PS2)

 Jackpot!

The Story is pretty silly, but every single cutscene is made of cool and badass.

 I don't know what I was smoking when I scored Devil May Cry 3 a 9.0 last year, because after playing it a second time... This game is amazing. I don't need to go over the game's basics again, since everything I said back in 2016 still holds true today, so I'll just gush over the game for a couple of paragraphs.

 First of all, the combat has never been this good before, and I could argue even after it. Dante's one versatile dude, being able to carry two weapons, out of six, before each mission, each with its own unique moveset, and you can even equip him with one out of 6 different styles which do anything from granting you more defensive options to more offensive options. The combat feels so good, creating combos is easy and intuitive and you can do all sort of shenanigans by switching weapons mid-combo or even bringing your guns into the mix.

Dante can't get a day's rest since everything is out to get him, even ghostly steeds.

 And then you unlock Vergil, who has his own unique three weapons, and brings all three of them for each mission, as well as his own unique 'Gun', energy swords, that have a few different uses and work nothing like any of Dante's guns, not to mention that Vergil gets his own style, the DarkSlayer, which can be used both offensively and defensively. While Vergil gets the same levels as Dante, a better choice than having half a game that's a repeat of the game's first half like, y'know, Devil May Cry 4, his adventure is over sooner since there're no cutscenes(Well, there're a two) and Vergil is a bit of a powerhouse.

 Devil May Cry 3 is easily, easily a Playstation 2 classic and a seminal game in the hack-and-slash genre. This is how you make an action game.
 10 out of 10

Now Playing: Devil May Cry 3 - Dante's Awakening Special Edition(PS2)

 And now, for the finale...

I played the rest, now comes the best.

 Well, since I've replayed 1 and 2 might as well replay the entire trilogy, right? The game's as tough as always and as fun as always, there ain't much else left to say. Maybe the fact that they got the best things about DMC 1 and DMC 2, removed all the the flaws, and blended them together into this fantastic little disc.

 I'm up to stage 5 and I've literally nothing bad to say about the game, it's easily, easily one of PS2's finest.

Review #468: Devil May Cry 2(PS2)

 Twice the discs, twice the disappointment.

Now with two discs, two characters and a shorter game!

 And thus, one year later, here I am replaying Devil May Cry 2 and, much like I did with my Devil May Cry re-review, I won't be repeating my words but rather commenting on what has change since I last played it.

 For starters, the game comes in two unlabeled discs, so there's no way to know that 'Disc 1' is Dante's disc and 'Disc 2' is Lucia's disc. Most of what I said remains true, both characters are near identical, weapons might as well be identical, the environments are too large for this kind of game, the movesets are pretty limited when compared to the previous game and the game lasts 2:30 hours for each character, which is kinda lame considering both discs share a lot of stages.

 If the game gets something right is its coolness.

 Regardless, I didn't find the game as boring as I did last year, actually, I thought it was a nice breather after finishing Devil May Cry 1! One thing fans are fixated on hating is how the game created new enemies and bosses designed to be taken care of with the guns, but I liked it. In the previous game guns were pretty much useless save a few situational bosses or the Shadow enemies that required you to use your guns, but now there're moments in which guns are a better alternative to swords and vice-versa. That said, they could've done a better job with it's since bosses like the chopper are pretty boring, all you have to do is hold the square button and tap the dodge button every now and then. It's a good idea, but poorly implemented.

 And you can't deny all this game did for the series. It introduced a dodge button, about time, and gave us the 'Bloody Palace' mode. And what about all the new nifty thingies like wall running or maintaining, but not increasing, your combo rank with guns? It also let you switch guns on the fly, although not swords, for whatever reason. I think the problem with the game is that they wanted to make a more adventure-like game, thus the speedier and floatier movement, making guns something you have to use, larger environments... but they were trying to keep the game faithful to the first game too, thus why there's so much squandered potential.

Guns get more prominence and use in this game.

 Y'know, I'm gonna bump up the score 0.5 points. Yes, there're boring segments, and yes, there're clashing gameplay elements that don't mesh very well and yes, there're two characters that are pretty much the same, with pretty much the same stages and weapons that are pretty much the same... but I had fun playing the game. It's a more 'turn off your brain' affair that focuses on being stylish, looking cool and letting the player look cool... but without depth. It's easily the weakest game in the franchise, but it has its good moments.
 6.5 out of 10

Now Playing: Devil May Cry 2

 Another devil may or may not cry.

That's one badass cover.

 Since here I am, waiting for Bloody Roar 2 to arrive, why not play a little bit o' Devil May Cry 2? I fondly remember playing this game for the first time this one day my parents had a meeting to attend to, so there I had this game all night long. And I liked it. A lot, even more than Devil May Cry 1.

 ...And then I played it last year and found it to be rather bland. But it's OK, because I'm gonna give it another go! I'm up to mission five with Lucia, and it ain't horrible. After making an assessment of my own I went back to my DMCHD review and found a lot of my newest opinions echoed, plus, a few complaints about how Dante and Lucia are so much alike, which I can't agree or disagree with yet. I mentioned how each playthrough lasted about 2:30 hours, which is kinda surprising considering I'm on mission 5 and only played an hour's time... but then again, maybe there aren't 23 missions this time around.

 Regardless, as of now I think I was a tad harsh on the game last year, I'm leaning more towards a 7.0 than the 6.0 I gave it. But there's more left to play before I can say for sure.

Review #467: Devil May Cry

 Dante will cry though.

The cover is terrible.

 Well, it's been one year since I played DMC 1 and... Everything I said still stands, the game has aged a lot but it's still really flippin' great.

 I don't really want to tread old ground so I won't dabble on the basics, but I will mention a few noteworthy things I picked up on my second playthrough. Firstly, the PS2 version of Devil May Cry is definitely harder than the PS3 HD port, not even Air Strike will get you out of this one. Still, the game is bloody fun to play, even if limited when compared to future games, so retrying doesn't hurt too much. That said, the game can be rather cheap, there're a few enemies that attack you as soon as the cutscene ends, and if you don't know it's coming... it's gonna hurt, particularly when it comes to Shadow enemies.

Meet the noobstomper, if you ain't ready he's gonna have you for breakfast.

 Something that hurts the game a lot is the fact that every boss, but the last one, must be fought three times. Three times! And if you get caught by Phantom you'll get to fight them a fourth time. The fixed camera angles can be intrusive at times, and the couple of first-person underwater segments are dumb, but they are short enough.

 Honestly, DMC3, DMC4 and DmC blow this one out of the water, however, it's still a fun game that shows its age. I'd advise to sticking with the HD ports, since not only does it look better, I also felt the difficulty was a bit more fair, not that it should make much of a difference since it's only a teeny tiny bit harder.
 8.0 out of 10

Now Playing: Devil May Cry(PS2)

 Back to the PS2 original.

Why so depressed? Dante m'boy, this ain't DMC 2.

 After basically cruising through the HD port of the game last year, here I return to the original PS2 game and... it's kickin' my butt. Like, I almost died on the first mission since the Marionettes did so much damage. And the first boss? Owned me 8 times. EIGHT TIMES. I defeated the first boss on my first attempt last year. And then I got up to the Shadow who started the fight by taking about a third of my health with one move before I even knew what was happening. And then it killed me.

 So I had to do some research, was the HD version actually easier? Most people said it wasn't... until one brave soul gave me the answer I was looking for: Yes, the HD version is easier because it's based on the Japanese PS2 release which was, you guessed it, easier.

 Game's still fantastic though.

Review #466: Gouketuji Ichizoku 2 / Power Instinct 2

 The game about the little old ladies duking it out with projectile prosthetic dentures.

It's not a horror game, but that old lady is out to get you.

 Welcome to the weirdest and best fighting game you've never heard about. Gouketuji Ichizoku features a weird sense of humor, including little old ladies that can turn young by kissing their opponent, a little boy that turns into a dog-man thing, a ridiculous and fantastic soundtrack featuring tracks with vocals and a fantastic combat system, all hidden beneath a layer of Street Fighter II-clone paint.

 The game is a bit lacking in modes, an Arcade Ladder, VS Player and VS Team player. That's it, no survival, no time attack, no vs CPU, no nothing, there aren't even unlockables and the arcade Mode endings are disappointingly short. The cast of characters is made up of 13 unique characters, but playing in Team VS you have a few more characters. Characters that transform(except Kanji and the Goketuji sisters) have been divided, so Kurara and Super Kurara are two very different characters, Kintaro and Pochy the same, and you also get Kuroko and Oume Gouketuji(A clone of the playable Otane Gouketuji) for a total of 17 characters.

That's the time when they go Super Saiyan.

 The game looks like Street Fighter II, with chubby, simple 2-D sprites, but foes with the 4-button set-up other fighters go, so you get two punches and two kicks. It's also much faster, the speed being somewhere between SFII and Darkstalkers, characters dash-step, back-step and double jump, on top of the game being pretty fast. Characters have the same amount of special attacks as well as a single super move that can be used when your super gauge fills. This gauge is filled by receiving damage, and once it feels your character will produce a blue aura that knocks the opponent back, if close enough, dealing a bit of damage, and making you invincible for the few seconds its active. The combat is fast and furious, the combo system is pretty tight and characters offer a lot of tools to get creative with.

 There is one fatal flaw however... The game comes in a disc, and we know how the PS1 tends to treat fighting games and loading times.... Well, anytime a character transforms the game will freeze for 5-6 seconds in order to load the temporary transformation... and once the time runs out, well, get ready for another loading pause. There're many characters with this ability, Kurara and Super Kurara, Kintaro and Pochy, Oume & Otane with their young transformations, Kanji with his weak transformation and lest we forget that Kurara's Super will transform anything it hits into a pig or a duck. Yeah, matches featuring Kurara can be insufferable. It's kinda depressing, since the game runs very smoothly and fighting feels fantastic, until someone decides to play a character such as Kurara...

Totally not Ryu, he's got legs like Chun-Li and Shoryukens like Ken.

 I might be a bit generous, but... but despite how little content it has, despite how horrible the mid-fight loading times are... the core game is top-notch. I think I might even like it more than Street Fighter II thanks to it marrying fantastic gameplay with a ton of quirky creativity that makes it stand out from other games. That said, I think emulating this game is a better alternative than the PS1 disc, since you don't get the horrible loading times.
 8.0 out of 10

Now Playing: Gouketuji Ichizoku 2/Power Instinct 2

  The best fighting game you've never heard about.

Games don't tend to have a character roster this diverse and original.

 Let's go back in time, about... 10 years back or so, there I was, at the flea market on a Sunday morning. While scavenging through bootleg PS1 and PS2 games I came upon this Japanese thingie. And it wasn't just another disc, it was a honest-to-goodness original Japanese PS1 game. On a Latin American flea market! A quick inspection of the back-cover revealed it to be a 2-D fighting game, so of course I had to have it. And I did.

 Fast forward a few hours time and there I was, placing the disc on my fat PS2 and lo and behold, I knew this game! I had played Power Instinct 1 on the PS1, and boy oh boy was I having a blast. I've been a fan of the Power Instinct series ever seen, sadly, most games are Japan only. But I'm gonna import PS2's Matrimelee any time soon!

 As far as this game is concerned, it definitely has stood the test of time. The fighting feels good and fast, controls are responsive(I think, not having a modded PS2 means I'm emulating this, and playing with a X360 controller!), graphics are pretty and the music is ridiculous and amazing at the same time. The only blemish I came upon so far would be the loading times. Any time a character transforms, or gets transformed into a pig by Kurara, the game will pause for about 5-6 seconds in order to load, and then again when they revert. It's a bit of a mood killer.

 Other than that, Gouketuji Ichizoku 2 is fantastic.

Review #465: Psychic Force 2

 As 90s anime as you can get.

Look at those 90s animu character designs!

 The Psychic Force franchise was a two game oddity that was born in the Arcades but made its way to the PS1, Dreamcast and PS2. It's a fighting game unlike any other, well, at the time anyways, that pits two different Psychiccers against each other inside a floating cube of energy. It translates into a 2-D Fighter with a twist: Characters are flying at all times, and you get to move in 8 different directions.

 The game offers Arcade Mode, an 8 opponent ladder, Story, another 8 opponent ladder but with dialogue and a few stills, Rraining, VS CPU, VS Player, Group versus, Survival and Psy Expand, a mode in which you can customize a character with moves from the rest of the cast. It's a decent selection of modes complimented by 16 different characters who are very different from each other. Some lay out traps, some have special grabs, some can stop time, some can teleport, etc. That said, the game certainly makes it a grind to unlock every character, you must finish both Story and Arcade mode with every character to unlock everything, which will take a while and feels like a grind.

There's a lot of flying, projectiles and anime hair in this game.

 Characters have both weak and strong attacks, depending on the distance between you and your opponent, this will either be projectiles or punches and kicks. There're plenty of super moves performed a la Street Fighter, with directional inputs, but these consume energy that must be recharged by holding L1. As for defense, you've got barriers or high-speed dodges. As you get hit your maximum total energy increases for the round, or you can charge energy and mash the analog stick/digital pad to sacrifice your health to increase your maximum energy. It works pretty well, but I felt like sometimes I wouldn't get the special moves I wanted to do, probably a side-effect of the 360 degrees of movement and positioning allowed.

 Fast-paced, easy to learn but with enough depth to keep casuals entertained, Psychic Force 2 is a rather fun offering. The combo system is a bit limited, but it's fun to try out new and different things. You have to keep in mind that combos aren't the bread and butter of this game, but rather positioning, energy management and learning when to dodge and how to respond to projectiles. It's a very different kind of fighting game, but a fun one if you give it the chance.
 8.0 out of 10

Now Playing: Psychic Force 2

 No, it's not another X-Men game.

 Psychic Force is the inspiration behind the fantastic Dragon Ball Z SuperSonic Warriors game....s(the sequel wasn't too good). I've finished a few Arcade Routes and it's pretty fun, although not quite as fun as I remembered it to be.The full 360 degrees of movement also means that, sometimes, pulling of moves can be a bit tricky.

 Basically, I liked:
 - The 90s anime aesthetics.
 - The simple, but fun, combat mechanics
 - The amount of unlockables
 - Production values

 What I didn't:
 - The 90s anime aesthetics(Double edged sword!)
 - Pulling off special moves can be tricky
 - Unlocking some characters is a bit tedious.

 It's pretty alright. Sadly, since I own an american PS2, I'm running this game on a emulator. Makes me sad.

Review #464: TMNT(PS2)

 I was too kind. Too kind.

At least the cover isn't as focused on Raphael as the movie and the game were.

 I just finished my reassessment of the game, and read what I said about it in 2015 and I stand by everything I said but the final score.

 I think I cut the presentation/story some slack back then, because I found the dialogue insufferable and the way the story is told laughably bad. It sorta has the Turtles narrating what happened in past tense, voicing remarks or what they felt at the time, which is pretty dumb. I also failed to mention just how choppy the FMVs extracted from the movie are, I was probably guessing that my disc was scratched. It wasn't.

Bosses are the only element that brings a stop to the monotony of the combat sections.

 The game's main two components: Platforming and Combat are pretty bland too. Combat is as deep as mashing the circle button until you enter your 'super mode' and then mash circle some more. You'll have to do the occasional dodge or block every now and then, but it's a rare occurrence and if you are good at mashing you probably won't have to bother with either. It's hard to put into words just how lame and boring it is, fights never evolve and they never get exciting. The bosses offer more of a challenge, and even then they are pretty lame. Three out of the four bosses will escape after you deal some damage to them, which makes for pathetic fights, an then you have to fight them back to back on the final level, this time until their health bar finally drops to 0. It's so mindnumbingly boring!

 Platforming fares much better, but even then it fails to offer any challenge besides the fixed camera angles that will sometimes make you perform a jump instead of a wallrun or vice-versa. And sometimes it's hard to tell if they want you to make an assisted-jump or a wallrun, and don't try to go faster than the level itself or invisible walls or other shenanigans will stop you on your way. Donatello's exclusive jump is also a bit annoying to pull off, since you have to be at just the right distance unless you want to botch it. That said, when it's at its best it flows pretty nicely and looks pretty cool too. At its best.

The levels are so generic and  uninteresting.

 I don't know how else to put it, but TMNT is a boring, bland and dull game. Nothing's broken here, everything works as it should, but it's such a lifeless endeavor. Quite literally, any other TMNT game on the PS2 is a better choice than this, even Smash-up.
 4.0 out of 10

Now Playing: TMNT(PS2)

 As underwhelming as ever...

Deja vu.

 A few years ago, during a Ninja Turtle Month, I played TMNT on the Gamecube. I didn't like it. Earlier this year I came across this game, brand new, dirt cheap on the PS2, so I said... why not? So here I am, giving it another chance. And since this year saw no new TMNT game released, there'll be no Ninja Turtle month, plus, after the Spider-manathon, I'm not ready for a thematic month again... not until October anyways.

 So, first... I mean, second-first impressions? The combat is underwhelmingly bland, but, BUT the platforming is rather fun, I expected no less from Prince of Persia's developer. The stages, at least the first one, looks quite nice too. I'm not sure if my memory deceives me, but I think the game looks crisper than it did on the Gamecube. I might be remembering it wrongly though. I might check out the Gamecube version again after I'm done. Might.

 Lastly, I won't be reading my thoughts on the GC version until I'm done, since I don't want to temper with my current playthrough. At the end I will either validate everything I said or change my stance on it.

Review #463: The Simpsons - Hit & Run

 Now, if I could turn this opening line into a couch gag...

Yet another instance of Blue-Shirt Bart, even if he is nowhere to be found in the game.

 Now, join me on my trip back to the early 2000s, you with me? Grand Theft Auto 3 had released and now everything had to be a sandbox game. There was another franchise that just couldn't get enough of copying other games, first they aped Tony Hawk with their skateboarding game(It was really bad) and then they ripped off Crazy Taxi, they were so bold with they copying that Sega actually sued. Yes, it was the Simpsons, and not content with Sega's lawsuit, now they were gonna get their very own GTA game.

 Everything starts out with Springfield being invaded by a swarm of mechanical bees, and soon, a host of black vans start patrolling the city... and then Homer gets involved in it. The story claims to have been penned by The Simpsons writers, and maybe it was, but it wasn't particularly funny, but then again, this game came after their heyday. There're 7 stages with 7 main missions, 3 races and one bonus mission each, and on each stage you'll play as a different character: Homer(twice), Bart(twice), Lisa, Marge and.... Apu? It's a strange selection, a bit unfair too, that Homer and Bart get two stages while Lisa and Marge only get one, and why is Apu a playable character? In that case I'd rather get Krusty or someone else instead of another Bart stage, and Bart's pretty much my favorite character(Hey! I'm a 90s kid). Sadly, while there're 7 stages, there are only 3 maps. They are medium sized, certainly not as open as GTA, and while every time they are reused they receive little changes, it's still not enough, since most collectibles will be exactly where they were before, only the Cards and a few bees changing places.

Green arrows will point you in the right direction, years before GTA would adopt the mechanic.

 There's not much your Simpson character can do while on foot: X jumps and double jumps, Square kicks(You can't kill NPCs, only topple them, but you can break boxes or defeat the mechanical bees), circle dashes and triangle let's you get on any vehicle, this being a T for Teen game NPCs will gladly give you a ride on their car, you don't steal them! There're no weapons of any sort, nor is there a combat system, so as you could guess, 98% of the missions take place on wheels. There're only a handful of mission types: Get to X place on time, gather every item on time, race a vehicle, chase a vehicle, chase and smash onto a vehicle and gather what they drop or chase and destroy a vehicle(By smashing into it) before the time runs out. While it gets a bit predictable, it doesn't get too repetitive. The difficulty is all over the place, however, since some missions will be tougher than other subsequent ones for no reason at all. That said, most of the game is rather easy, and if you lose too much you'll be allowed to skip a mission.... save for the final one, which is hard as nails.

 Each stage has a decent amount of stuff to do in it. First and foremost, you'll want to smash everything you come into contact with to collect coins, which can be spent on costumes or extra vehicles. There're also 'gags' to find, which unlock nothing, 20 mechanical bees per stage to destroy(30 coins each, so you'll want to) and 7 trading cards per stage which unlock tracks for a silly isometrical racing mini-game(Up to four players!), as well as three optional races to partake in and a bonus mission that rewards you with a bonus car. One BIG problem comes with coins... money is pretty hard to come by unless you exploit the game, either by hitting without breaking every box and then reloading or turning on 'Invincible Car' and 'Cars explode on contact' to earn money by destroying vehicles. And you need money, every single stage requires you to buy at least one of the bonus cars, and sometimes you'll even need costumes. Unless you are gonna use cheats or exploits, ignore optional content unless you want to be stuck grinding for money.

If the car has a name, it's been on the show sometime before.

 As with any GTA clone, cause too much havoc and the police will come after you. You can't die(or kill), so you'll be fined 50 coins, which hurts a lot more than it sounds. Eventually this becomes the main source of the game's difficulty, since the missions themselves would be pretty easy had it not been because smashing into any object(except walls) will make the police siren gauge increase, so you'll be triggering the police pretty often during missions. It doesn't help that the game's physics are very floaty, and at times wonky, it's easy to lose control of your vehicle if you turn to hard, and drifting doesn't work too well. These are but some of the reasons that the last mission is so hard, but you also have to couple them with the fact that hitting a wall or a car hard enough will make the object you are carrying fall. And it's also a mission with two main parts, and losing on the second part means having to redo the entire first part(a race) again. There're quite a few of these 'two-part' missions without checkpoints, but the final mission is the only one in which it gets tedious.

 That said, as spotty as controls can be, as horrid as the framerate can get... Hit & Run is a fun game for the most part. Save the final mission, the game's difficulty, even on the harder missions, isn't so that the controls will make you lose a mission, heck, there's a lot of rubberbanding, if the enemy falls too far behind, they will catch up to you, but I also noticed that quite a few enemies would wait for me to catch up to them. And exploring the stages is very fun, even on my second visits, even when I realized that most stuff would be exactly where it was before, I was still having fun going from end to end. The dialogue, recorded by series' regulars, makes the game feel very legit, and a lot of care went into designing the game's three main worlds. The more you know about the Simpsons the more you'll like the game, since there're references to the lore everywhere, heck, every named car in the game appeared in some episode before, every single unlockable costume comes straight out of the series' itself.

Lisa tried to fit in with the cool crowd before. Hit & Run successfully managed to fit in with the GTA clones!

 The Simpsons - Hit & Run is easy to recommend to both fans of the show and people that don't care about it. Fans will get tons of references and allusions to the show, a game that makes the most of the license and stays true to it. Non-fans will get a watered-down, but mostly competent GTA clone that, unlike other gritty, realistic clones('Just Cause', 'True Crime', 'The Getaway'... I could go on), has a very cartoony take on it and doesn't take seriously, making it feel very fresh and different in comparison.
 7.0 out of 10

Now Playing: The Simpsons - Hit & Run

 The best Simpsons game at the time of its release, and maybe the best to this day.

I call a spade a spade. This is pretty much Grand Theft Simpsons.

 Alright, I just finished Homer's first level, and it seems like a pretty decent game. It's a GTA clone, and it's a relatively decent one. Mind you, the game seems pretty skimpy in missions but it makes up for in sheer fanservice, the costumes, the cars, the environment.... this is a love letter to The Simpsons.

 The game's physics are a bit floaty, but I guess it fits the animated world of the Simpsons, although I would've preferred something more precise. The difficulty is pretty uneven too, take Cletus' first mission which was a pain in the rear to complete, but then came Gramps' bonus mission on the second level and I cleared it on my first try, no hassle. And that's the thing, the difficulty spikes every now and then, I think it could've used a more consistent difficulty increase as the game went along, but then again, I'm only judging from the first two levels.

 Regardless, it's relatively good.

Review #462: Stretch Panic

 Would it be a stretch to call it a boss rush?

God, I miss the Treasure logo. Where are they now? Oh, right, Capcom kept their games in Japan. 

 Stretch Panic is.... it's not a game for everyone that's for sure. Developed by Treasure, it follows their trademark style of being a glorified boss rush, albeit one with unique game mechanics. It's weird, it can be dull but it's also brilliant.

 Linda has 12 sisters, but tragically, all 13 sisters get possessed by the Demons of Vanity. These demons twist the sisters into perverted versions of their likes, wants and things they're proud about. As luck would have it, Linda's only proud about her scarf, so it's her scarf that gets possessed... but Linda is able to control it at will. The possessed Scarf has the ability to make everything it grabs stretchy and soft, and it's with this ability that Linda sets out to exorcise her sisters and beat a bunch o' big breasted demon women, because this game is weird. Very weird.

The game's artstyle is phenomenal. The right amount of quirky, weird and cute.

 The Left analog stick moves Linda around, while the Right analog stick moves the Scarf. L1 can be used to lock onto enemies or objects, while you hold R1 to extend your scarf, which will grab onto anything that it comes into contact with. Here comes the fun part, once the scarf grabbed onto something, you can the stretch and let go, with the analog stick, to deal a little bit of damage. You can twist the right analog stick around before letting go for extra damage.. or you can twist it over and over again to initiate a flying torpedo attack, with Linda's body being the torpedo! You can also tap R3 to shoot Linda over whatever you are holding onto, or tap R3 and L3 to use a Scarf Bomb, 5 points per use! It sounds like a lot, and it can be a bit overwhelming until you get your hands on the controller.

 The game's first issue comes in the form of how imprecise everything is. Linda moves very slowly, but she also slides all over the place. Moving the Scarf exactly where you want it to go can also be a bit imprecise. You will get used to it, and the game isn't so hard as for this to be a really huge problem, but it's something worth mentioning.

Yes, those are giant breasts. No, they are not natural. They are demonic.

 The game's almost a boss rush, however, entering a boss room requires points(Anything from 1 to 6 points). These points are earned by entering any of the 4 EX stages an defeating giant-breasted enemies, and depending on how you beat them, you can get anywhere from 1 to 4 points per demon, each EX stage holding about 10 of them. You'll probably have to grind for points quite often, plus, the Scarf Bomb requires 5 points to even attempt it, and you will have to if you want to get to the ending, since exorcising the sisters is a must.

 Once you get over the dumb grind for points you'll finally enter a sister's room and now the game gets good. Each of the 12 sisters is very unique, both in looks and how to defeat them. While you could easily, but tediously, just snap-attack your way to the end(provided you learn how to dodge their attacks), each boss battle is a bit of a puzzle. A puzzle in figuring out how to deal the most damage to them(Each sister has a different weakness!), and figuring out the best moment to unleash a Scarf attack, for massive damage and to exorcise the demon. There was not a single dull boss in the game, it helps that the game sports such a quirky, weird and surreal graphical style.

The Playstation 2 was in its infancy, but Treasure got the most out of the simplistic graphics they employed.

 Stretch Panic is a game unlike most others, and as such, it's a game that won't appeal to most since it's not a high-octane action game, or a platform-filled adventure game or a story-driven game. It's its own thing, and it takes pride in it. It also comes with a few problems that might make it hard to recommend to those that don't enjoy this band of quirkiness, like barely passable controls, poor camera and the need to grind for points. Honestly, you'll know if this game is for you just by looking at screenshots or videos.
 8.0 out of 10

Now Playing: Stretch Panic/Freak Out/Hippa Linda

 3 titles, 1 game.

 I desperately needed to use that opening line.

 Finally, after searching high and low, I got meself a copy of Stretch Panic. And it's really weird, and really good. I've already taken down 4 sisters and decided that the game is brilliant, even if the execution is a bit wonky.

 My very first impressions weren't very... favorable, to say the least. Linda moved as fast as a sack of potatoes, using the scarf was cumbersome and the overall set-up, having to grind for points, was dumb. And then I started fighting the sisters and my opinion changed 180 degrees. Battles are intense, are fun and usually require you to figure out the best ways to fight the sisters. For instance, take the robot girl. She was mauling me, she gave me my very first game over.... so instead of going head-to-head I took a more defensive approach, sending back the very missiles she shot at me, and slowly but surely I beat her. And that's brilliant, the fact that bosses can be taken down in various different ways! And it's fun to figure out, like the Siren sister, I figured out her weakness by pure accident. Brilliant, brilliant game.

 That said, the grinding for points, while not as bad as it sounds, is a bit questionable. And the overall movement, of both Linda and her scarf, leave a lot to be desired, it lacks precision, both Linda AND her scarf.... but it's nothing you can't get used to. Oh well, gotta go save more sisters!

Review #461: X-Men - Mutant Academy 2

 A good game, but a poor sequel.

I guess calling it Mutant Academy 1.5 wasn't as attractive as having a big, shiny '2'.

 Mutant Academy 2 is... well, it's Mutant Academy 1 plus a few new extras. Don't get me wrong, the developers clearly did their homework with the first game, but it also seems like they grew content with it, which is why this game reuses the ENTIRE previous game and only adds on top of it.

 The game features the exact same modes from the previous game: Arcade, VS Player, Survival and Academy(A tutorial on each character). There're eight new characters: Rogue, who can steal a specific move from the opponent and is pretty fun to use, Juggernaut, who is a giant ball o' muscle and is more fun to beat on than to use, Forge, a lackluster Mystique wannabe, Nightcrawler, another rushdown character that can use teleports to play mindgames with the opponent, Havok, Cyclops brother who plays a little bit like him but with more emphasis on melee, Psylocke, probably the character with the most combo potential, Spider-man, who I think is almost broken due to how good he is and finally... Professor X, a probably 'offensive' character since he fights on a wheelchair, can't jump and attacks doing wheelies(Seriously) alongside mental projectiles. It's a good amount of characters, bringing the grand total to 18. New characters have 3 costumes, except Psylocke who gets 4 and Spider-man and Professor X who only get 2, while returning characters get a new costume, for a total of 4. There's also a secret 'Pool Party' stage that has every character wearing an exclusive bathing suit costume, which is a pretty neat extra.

Spider-man joins the fight, because why not?

 The game plays exactly like the first one did: Three counters per round and three-tiers of Super Moves(and you can move energy around all three tiers), thankfully they got rid of the silly 'mash X to form the X' in order to use level 3 Super moves. There're two new additions that make the combat flow even better than before: Launchers and air combos. All characters now have at least one move that launches the enemy into the air, and tapping up allows you to follow them up into the air and continue your combo. They are small additions, but they make for a much more versatile game. To complement the new additions, new characters feature at least a single aerial special move, some even having aerial super moves, while every single returning character had at least a new aerial attack added, be it a super or a special. On the flip side, the controls are still a bit unresponsive when performing super moves, which is a bit of a downer since everything else plays so well and is very well thought-out.

 It's not the best sequel ever made, since it feels more like an expansion pack than anything, but it still makes for a fantastic game. Most of the new characters are a blast to play as and the addition of an improved aerial game makes the game more versatile and fun, heck, even the new endings are better(even if they are still really short).... in other words, Mutant Academy 2 makes Mutant Academy 1 entirely obsolete. There's absolutely no reason you'd want to play the first game over this one. Regardless, it's a fun fighting game, probably not one that can be played at a competitive level, but one that's pretty fun at a casual one.
 7.5 out of 10