Review #464: TMNT(PS2)

 I was too kind. Too kind.

At least the cover isn't as focused on Raphael as the movie and the game were.

 I just finished my reassessment of the game, and read what I said about it in 2015 and I stand by everything I said but the final score.

 I think I cut the presentation/story some slack back then, because I found the dialogue insufferable and the way the story is told laughably bad. It sorta has the Turtles narrating what happened in past tense, voicing remarks or what they felt at the time, which is pretty dumb. I also failed to mention just how choppy the FMVs extracted from the movie are, I was probably guessing that my disc was scratched. It wasn't.

Bosses are the only element that brings a stop to the monotony of the combat sections.

 The game's main two components: Platforming and Combat are pretty bland too. Combat is as deep as mashing the circle button until you enter your 'super mode' and then mash circle some more. You'll have to do the occasional dodge or block every now and then, but it's a rare occurrence and if you are good at mashing you probably won't have to bother with either. It's hard to put into words just how lame and boring it is, fights never evolve and they never get exciting. The bosses offer more of a challenge, and even then they are pretty lame. Three out of the four bosses will escape after you deal some damage to them, which makes for pathetic fights, an then you have to fight them back to back on the final level, this time until their health bar finally drops to 0. It's so mindnumbingly boring!

 Platforming fares much better, but even then it fails to offer any challenge besides the fixed camera angles that will sometimes make you perform a jump instead of a wallrun or vice-versa. And sometimes it's hard to tell if they want you to make an assisted-jump or a wallrun, and don't try to go faster than the level itself or invisible walls or other shenanigans will stop you on your way. Donatello's exclusive jump is also a bit annoying to pull off, since you have to be at just the right distance unless you want to botch it. That said, when it's at its best it flows pretty nicely and looks pretty cool too. At its best.

The levels are so generic and  uninteresting.

 I don't know how else to put it, but TMNT is a boring, bland and dull game. Nothing's broken here, everything works as it should, but it's such a lifeless endeavor. Quite literally, any other TMNT game on the PS2 is a better choice than this, even Smash-up.
 4.0 out of 10

Now Playing: TMNT(PS2)

 As underwhelming as ever...

Deja vu.

 A few years ago, during a Ninja Turtle Month, I played TMNT on the Gamecube. I didn't like it. Earlier this year I came across this game, brand new, dirt cheap on the PS2, so I said... why not? So here I am, giving it another chance. And since this year saw no new TMNT game released, there'll be no Ninja Turtle month, plus, after the Spider-manathon, I'm not ready for a thematic month again... not until October anyways.

 So, first... I mean, second-first impressions? The combat is underwhelmingly bland, but, BUT the platforming is rather fun, I expected no less from Prince of Persia's developer. The stages, at least the first one, looks quite nice too. I'm not sure if my memory deceives me, but I think the game looks crisper than it did on the Gamecube. I might be remembering it wrongly though. I might check out the Gamecube version again after I'm done. Might.

 Lastly, I won't be reading my thoughts on the GC version until I'm done, since I don't want to temper with my current playthrough. At the end I will either validate everything I said or change my stance on it.

Review #463: The Simpsons - Hit & Run

 Now, if I could turn this opening line into a couch gag...

Yet another instance of Blue-Shirt Bart, even if he is nowhere to be found in the game.

 Now, join me on my trip back to the early 2000s, you with me? Grand Theft Auto 3 had released and now everything had to be a sandbox game. There was another franchise that just couldn't get enough of copying other games, first they aped Tony Hawk with their skateboarding game(It was really bad) and then they ripped off Crazy Taxi, they were so bold with they copying that Sega actually sued. Yes, it was the Simpsons, and not content with Sega's lawsuit, now they were gonna get their very own GTA game.

 Everything starts out with Springfield being invaded by a swarm of mechanical bees, and soon, a host of black vans start patrolling the city... and then Homer gets involved in it. The story claims to have been penned by The Simpsons writers, and maybe it was, but it wasn't particularly funny, but then again, this game came after their heyday. There're 7 stages with 7 main missions, 3 races and one bonus mission each, and on each stage you'll play as a different character: Homer(twice), Bart(twice), Lisa, Marge and.... Apu? It's a strange selection, a bit unfair too, that Homer and Bart get two stages while Lisa and Marge only get one, and why is Apu a playable character? In that case I'd rather get Krusty or someone else instead of another Bart stage, and Bart's pretty much my favorite character(Hey! I'm a 90s kid). Sadly, while there're 7 stages, there are only 3 maps. They are medium sized, certainly not as open as GTA, and while every time they are reused they receive little changes, it's still not enough, since most collectibles will be exactly where they were before, only the Cards and a few bees changing places.

Green arrows will point you in the right direction, years before GTA would adopt the mechanic.

 There's not much your Simpson character can do while on foot: X jumps and double jumps, Square kicks(You can't kill NPCs, only topple them, but you can break boxes or defeat the mechanical bees), circle dashes and triangle let's you get on any vehicle, this being a T for Teen game NPCs will gladly give you a ride on their car, you don't steal them! There're no weapons of any sort, nor is there a combat system, so as you could guess, 98% of the missions take place on wheels. There're only a handful of mission types: Get to X place on time, gather every item on time, race a vehicle, chase a vehicle, chase and smash onto a vehicle and gather what they drop or chase and destroy a vehicle(By smashing into it) before the time runs out. While it gets a bit predictable, it doesn't get too repetitive. The difficulty is all over the place, however, since some missions will be tougher than other subsequent ones for no reason at all. That said, most of the game is rather easy, and if you lose too much you'll be allowed to skip a mission.... save for the final one, which is hard as nails.

 Each stage has a decent amount of stuff to do in it. First and foremost, you'll want to smash everything you come into contact with to collect coins, which can be spent on costumes or extra vehicles. There're also 'gags' to find, which unlock nothing, 20 mechanical bees per stage to destroy(30 coins each, so you'll want to) and 7 trading cards per stage which unlock tracks for a silly isometrical racing mini-game(Up to four players!), as well as three optional races to partake in and a bonus mission that rewards you with a bonus car. One BIG problem comes with coins... money is pretty hard to come by unless you exploit the game, either by hitting without breaking every box and then reloading or turning on 'Invincible Car' and 'Cars explode on contact' to earn money by destroying vehicles. And you need money, every single stage requires you to buy at least one of the bonus cars, and sometimes you'll even need costumes. Unless you are gonna use cheats or exploits, ignore optional content unless you want to be stuck grinding for money.

If the car has a name, it's been on the show sometime before.

 As with any GTA clone, cause too much havoc and the police will come after you. You can't die(or kill), so you'll be fined 50 coins, which hurts a lot more than it sounds. Eventually this becomes the main source of the game's difficulty, since the missions themselves would be pretty easy had it not been because smashing into any object(except walls) will make the police siren gauge increase, so you'll be triggering the police pretty often during missions. It doesn't help that the game's physics are very floaty, and at times wonky, it's easy to lose control of your vehicle if you turn to hard, and drifting doesn't work too well. These are but some of the reasons that the last mission is so hard, but you also have to couple them with the fact that hitting a wall or a car hard enough will make the object you are carrying fall. And it's also a mission with two main parts, and losing on the second part means having to redo the entire first part(a race) again. There're quite a few of these 'two-part' missions without checkpoints, but the final mission is the only one in which it gets tedious.

 That said, as spotty as controls can be, as horrid as the framerate can get... Hit & Run is a fun game for the most part. Save the final mission, the game's difficulty, even on the harder missions, isn't so that the controls will make you lose a mission, heck, there's a lot of rubberbanding, if the enemy falls too far behind, they will catch up to you, but I also noticed that quite a few enemies would wait for me to catch up to them. And exploring the stages is very fun, even on my second visits, even when I realized that most stuff would be exactly where it was before, I was still having fun going from end to end. The dialogue, recorded by series' regulars, makes the game feel very legit, and a lot of care went into designing the game's three main worlds. The more you know about the Simpsons the more you'll like the game, since there're references to the lore everywhere, heck, every named car in the game appeared in some episode before, every single unlockable costume comes straight out of the series' itself.

Lisa tried to fit in with the cool crowd before. Hit & Run successfully managed to fit in with the GTA clones!

 The Simpsons - Hit & Run is easy to recommend to both fans of the show and people that don't care about it. Fans will get tons of references and allusions to the show, a game that makes the most of the license and stays true to it. Non-fans will get a watered-down, but mostly competent GTA clone that, unlike other gritty, realistic clones('Just Cause', 'True Crime', 'The Getaway'... I could go on), has a very cartoony take on it and doesn't take seriously, making it feel very fresh and different in comparison.
 7.0 out of 10

Now Playing: The Simpsons - Hit & Run

 The best Simpsons game at the time of its release, and maybe the best to this day.

I call a spade a spade. This is pretty much Grand Theft Simpsons.

 Alright, I just finished Homer's first level, and it seems like a pretty decent game. It's a GTA clone, and it's a relatively decent one. Mind you, the game seems pretty skimpy in missions but it makes up for in sheer fanservice, the costumes, the cars, the environment.... this is a love letter to The Simpsons.

 The game's physics are a bit floaty, but I guess it fits the animated world of the Simpsons, although I would've preferred something more precise. The difficulty is pretty uneven too, take Cletus' first mission which was a pain in the rear to complete, but then came Gramps' bonus mission on the second level and I cleared it on my first try, no hassle. And that's the thing, the difficulty spikes every now and then, I think it could've used a more consistent difficulty increase as the game went along, but then again, I'm only judging from the first two levels.

 Regardless, it's relatively good.

Review #462: Stretch Panic

 Would it be a stretch to call it a boss rush?

God, I miss the Treasure logo. Where are they now? Oh, right, Capcom kept their games in Japan. 

 Stretch Panic is.... it's not a game for everyone that's for sure. Developed by Treasure, it follows their trademark style of being a glorified boss rush, albeit one with unique game mechanics. It's weird, it can be dull but it's also brilliant.

 Linda has 12 sisters, but tragically, all 13 sisters get possessed by the Demons of Vanity. These demons twist the sisters into perverted versions of their likes, wants and things they're proud about. As luck would have it, Linda's only proud about her scarf, so it's her scarf that gets possessed... but Linda is able to control it at will. The possessed Scarf has the ability to make everything it grabs stretchy and soft, and it's with this ability that Linda sets out to exorcise her sisters and beat a bunch o' big breasted demon women, because this game is weird. Very weird.

The game's artstyle is phenomenal. The right amount of quirky, weird and cute.

 The Left analog stick moves Linda around, while the Right analog stick moves the Scarf. L1 can be used to lock onto enemies or objects, while you hold R1 to extend your scarf, which will grab onto anything that it comes into contact with. Here comes the fun part, once the scarf grabbed onto something, you can the stretch and let go, with the analog stick, to deal a little bit of damage. You can twist the right analog stick around before letting go for extra damage.. or you can twist it over and over again to initiate a flying torpedo attack, with Linda's body being the torpedo! You can also tap R3 to shoot Linda over whatever you are holding onto, or tap R3 and L3 to use a Scarf Bomb, 5 points per use! It sounds like a lot, and it can be a bit overwhelming until you get your hands on the controller.

 The game's first issue comes in the form of how imprecise everything is. Linda moves very slowly, but she also slides all over the place. Moving the Scarf exactly where you want it to go can also be a bit imprecise. You will get used to it, and the game isn't so hard as for this to be a really huge problem, but it's something worth mentioning.

Yes, those are giant breasts. No, they are not natural. They are demonic.

 The game's almost a boss rush, however, entering a boss room requires points(Anything from 1 to 6 points). These points are earned by entering any of the 4 EX stages an defeating giant-breasted enemies, and depending on how you beat them, you can get anywhere from 1 to 4 points per demon, each EX stage holding about 10 of them. You'll probably have to grind for points quite often, plus, the Scarf Bomb requires 5 points to even attempt it, and you will have to if you want to get to the ending, since exorcising the sisters is a must.

 Once you get over the dumb grind for points you'll finally enter a sister's room and now the game gets good. Each of the 12 sisters is very unique, both in looks and how to defeat them. While you could easily, but tediously, just snap-attack your way to the end(provided you learn how to dodge their attacks), each boss battle is a bit of a puzzle. A puzzle in figuring out how to deal the most damage to them(Each sister has a different weakness!), and figuring out the best moment to unleash a Scarf attack, for massive damage and to exorcise the demon. There was not a single dull boss in the game, it helps that the game sports such a quirky, weird and surreal graphical style.

The Playstation 2 was in its infancy, but Treasure got the most out of the simplistic graphics they employed.

 Stretch Panic is a game unlike most others, and as such, it's a game that won't appeal to most since it's not a high-octane action game, or a platform-filled adventure game or a story-driven game. It's its own thing, and it takes pride in it. It also comes with a few problems that might make it hard to recommend to those that don't enjoy this band of quirkiness, like barely passable controls, poor camera and the need to grind for points. Honestly, you'll know if this game is for you just by looking at screenshots or videos.
 8.0 out of 10

Now Playing: Stretch Panic/Freak Out/Hippa Linda

 3 titles, 1 game.

 I desperately needed to use that opening line.

 Finally, after searching high and low, I got meself a copy of Stretch Panic. And it's really weird, and really good. I've already taken down 4 sisters and decided that the game is brilliant, even if the execution is a bit wonky.

 My very first impressions weren't very... favorable, to say the least. Linda moved as fast as a sack of potatoes, using the scarf was cumbersome and the overall set-up, having to grind for points, was dumb. And then I started fighting the sisters and my opinion changed 180 degrees. Battles are intense, are fun and usually require you to figure out the best ways to fight the sisters. For instance, take the robot girl. She was mauling me, she gave me my very first game over.... so instead of going head-to-head I took a more defensive approach, sending back the very missiles she shot at me, and slowly but surely I beat her. And that's brilliant, the fact that bosses can be taken down in various different ways! And it's fun to figure out, like the Siren sister, I figured out her weakness by pure accident. Brilliant, brilliant game.

 That said, the grinding for points, while not as bad as it sounds, is a bit questionable. And the overall movement, of both Linda and her scarf, leave a lot to be desired, it lacks precision, both Linda AND her scarf.... but it's nothing you can't get used to. Oh well, gotta go save more sisters!

Review #461: X-Men - Mutant Academy 2

 A good game, but a poor sequel.

I guess calling it Mutant Academy 1.5 wasn't as attractive as having a big, shiny '2'.

 Mutant Academy 2 is... well, it's Mutant Academy 1 plus a few new extras. Don't get me wrong, the developers clearly did their homework with the first game, but it also seems like they grew content with it, which is why this game reuses the ENTIRE previous game and only adds on top of it.

 The game features the exact same modes from the previous game: Arcade, VS Player, Survival and Academy(A tutorial on each character). There're eight new characters: Rogue, who can steal a specific move from the opponent and is pretty fun to use, Juggernaut, who is a giant ball o' muscle and is more fun to beat on than to use, Forge, a lackluster Mystique wannabe, Nightcrawler, another rushdown character that can use teleports to play mindgames with the opponent, Havok, Cyclops brother who plays a little bit like him but with more emphasis on melee, Psylocke, probably the character with the most combo potential, Spider-man, who I think is almost broken due to how good he is and finally... Professor X, a probably 'offensive' character since he fights on a wheelchair, can't jump and attacks doing wheelies(Seriously) alongside mental projectiles. It's a good amount of characters, bringing the grand total to 18. New characters have 3 costumes, except Psylocke who gets 4 and Spider-man and Professor X who only get 2, while returning characters get a new costume, for a total of 4. There's also a secret 'Pool Party' stage that has every character wearing an exclusive bathing suit costume, which is a pretty neat extra.

Spider-man joins the fight, because why not?

 The game plays exactly like the first one did: Three counters per round and three-tiers of Super Moves(and you can move energy around all three tiers), thankfully they got rid of the silly 'mash X to form the X' in order to use level 3 Super moves. There're two new additions that make the combat flow even better than before: Launchers and air combos. All characters now have at least one move that launches the enemy into the air, and tapping up allows you to follow them up into the air and continue your combo. They are small additions, but they make for a much more versatile game. To complement the new additions, new characters feature at least a single aerial special move, some even having aerial super moves, while every single returning character had at least a new aerial attack added, be it a super or a special. On the flip side, the controls are still a bit unresponsive when performing super moves, which is a bit of a downer since everything else plays so well and is very well thought-out.

 It's not the best sequel ever made, since it feels more like an expansion pack than anything, but it still makes for a fantastic game. Most of the new characters are a blast to play as and the addition of an improved aerial game makes the game more versatile and fun, heck, even the new endings are better(even if they are still really short).... in other words, Mutant Academy 2 makes Mutant Academy 1 entirely obsolete. There's absolutely no reason you'd want to play the first game over this one. Regardless, it's a fun fighting game, probably not one that can be played at a competitive level, but one that's pretty fun at a casual one.
 7.5 out of 10