Now Playing: The Simpsons - Hit & Run

 The best Simpsons game at the time of its release, and maybe the best to this day.

I call a spade a spade. This is pretty much Grand Theft Simpsons.

 Alright, I just finished Homer's first level, and it seems like a pretty decent game. It's a GTA clone, and it's a relatively decent one. Mind you, the game seems pretty skimpy in missions but it makes up for in sheer fanservice, the costumes, the cars, the environment.... this is a love letter to The Simpsons.

 The game's physics are a bit floaty, but I guess it fits the animated world of the Simpsons, although I would've preferred something more precise. The difficulty is pretty uneven too, take Cletus' first mission which was a pain in the rear to complete, but then came Gramps' bonus mission on the second level and I cleared it on my first try, no hassle. And that's the thing, the difficulty spikes every now and then, I think it could've used a more consistent difficulty increase as the game went along, but then again, I'm only judging from the first two levels.

 Regardless, it's relatively good.

Review #462: Stretch Panic

 Would it be a stretch to call it a boss rush?

God, I miss the Treasure logo. Where are they now? Oh, right, Capcom kept their games in Japan. 

 Stretch Panic is.... it's not a game for everyone that's for sure. Developed by Treasure, it follows their trademark style of being a glorified boss rush, albeit one with unique game mechanics. It's weird, it can be dull but it's also brilliant.

 Linda has 12 sisters, but tragically, all 13 sisters get possessed by the Demons of Vanity. These demons twist the sisters into perverted versions of their likes, wants and things they're proud about. As luck would have it, Linda's only proud about her scarf, so it's her scarf that gets possessed... but Linda is able to control it at will. The possessed Scarf has the ability to make everything it grabs stretchy and soft, and it's with this ability that Linda sets out to exorcise her sisters and beat a bunch o' big breasted demon women, because this game is weird. Very weird.

The game's artstyle is phenomenal. The right amount of quirky, weird and cute.

 The Left analog stick moves Linda around, while the Right analog stick moves the Scarf. L1 can be used to lock onto enemies or objects, while you hold R1 to extend your scarf, which will grab onto anything that it comes into contact with. Here comes the fun part, once the scarf grabbed onto something, you can the stretch and let go, with the analog stick, to deal a little bit of damage. You can twist the right analog stick around before letting go for extra damage.. or you can twist it over and over again to initiate a flying torpedo attack, with Linda's body being the torpedo! You can also tap R3 to shoot Linda over whatever you are holding onto, or tap R3 and L3 to use a Scarf Bomb, 5 points per use! It sounds like a lot, and it can be a bit overwhelming until you get your hands on the controller.

 The game's first issue comes in the form of how imprecise everything is. Linda moves very slowly, but she also slides all over the place. Moving the Scarf exactly where you want it to go can also be a bit imprecise. You will get used to it, and the game isn't so hard as for this to be a really huge problem, but it's something worth mentioning.

Yes, those are giant breasts. No, they are not natural. They are demonic.

 The game's almost a boss rush, however, entering a boss room requires points(Anything from 1 to 6 points). These points are earned by entering any of the 4 EX stages an defeating giant-breasted enemies, and depending on how you beat them, you can get anywhere from 1 to 4 points per demon, each EX stage holding about 10 of them. You'll probably have to grind for points quite often, plus, the Scarf Bomb requires 5 points to even attempt it, and you will have to if you want to get to the ending, since exorcising the sisters is a must.

 Once you get over the dumb grind for points you'll finally enter a sister's room and now the game gets good. Each of the 12 sisters is very unique, both in looks and how to defeat them. While you could easily, but tediously, just snap-attack your way to the end(provided you learn how to dodge their attacks), each boss battle is a bit of a puzzle. A puzzle in figuring out how to deal the most damage to them(Each sister has a different weakness!), and figuring out the best moment to unleash a Scarf attack, for massive damage and to exorcise the demon. There was not a single dull boss in the game, it helps that the game sports such a quirky, weird and surreal graphical style.

The Playstation 2 was in its infancy, but Treasure got the most out of the simplistic graphics they employed.

 Stretch Panic is a game unlike most others, and as such, it's a game that won't appeal to most since it's not a high-octane action game, or a platform-filled adventure game or a story-driven game. It's its own thing, and it takes pride in it. It also comes with a few problems that might make it hard to recommend to those that don't enjoy this band of quirkiness, like barely passable controls, poor camera and the need to grind for points. Honestly, you'll know if this game is for you just by looking at screenshots or videos.
 8.0 out of 10

Now Playing: Stretch Panic/Freak Out/Hippa Linda

 3 titles, 1 game.

 I desperately needed to use that opening line.

 Finally, after searching high and low, I got meself a copy of Stretch Panic. And it's really weird, and really good. I've already taken down 4 sisters and decided that the game is brilliant, even if the execution is a bit wonky.

 My very first impressions weren't very... favorable, to say the least. Linda moved as fast as a sack of potatoes, using the scarf was cumbersome and the overall set-up, having to grind for points, was dumb. And then I started fighting the sisters and my opinion changed 180 degrees. Battles are intense, are fun and usually require you to figure out the best ways to fight the sisters. For instance, take the robot girl. She was mauling me, she gave me my very first game over.... so instead of going head-to-head I took a more defensive approach, sending back the very missiles she shot at me, and slowly but surely I beat her. And that's brilliant, the fact that bosses can be taken down in various different ways! And it's fun to figure out, like the Siren sister, I figured out her weakness by pure accident. Brilliant, brilliant game.

 That said, the grinding for points, while not as bad as it sounds, is a bit questionable. And the overall movement, of both Linda and her scarf, leave a lot to be desired, it lacks precision, both Linda AND her scarf.... but it's nothing you can't get used to. Oh well, gotta go save more sisters!

Review #461: X-Men - Mutant Academy 2

 A good game, but a poor sequel.

I guess calling it Mutant Academy 1.5 wasn't as attractive as having a big, shiny '2'.

 Mutant Academy 2 is... well, it's Mutant Academy 1 plus a few new extras. Don't get me wrong, the developers clearly did their homework with the first game, but it also seems like they grew content with it, which is why this game reuses the ENTIRE previous game and only adds on top of it.

 The game features the exact same modes from the previous game: Arcade, VS Player, Survival and Academy(A tutorial on each character). There're eight new characters: Rogue, who can steal a specific move from the opponent and is pretty fun to use, Juggernaut, who is a giant ball o' muscle and is more fun to beat on than to use, Forge, a lackluster Mystique wannabe, Nightcrawler, another rushdown character that can use teleports to play mindgames with the opponent, Havok, Cyclops brother who plays a little bit like him but with more emphasis on melee, Psylocke, probably the character with the most combo potential, Spider-man, who I think is almost broken due to how good he is and finally... Professor X, a probably 'offensive' character since he fights on a wheelchair, can't jump and attacks doing wheelies(Seriously) alongside mental projectiles. It's a good amount of characters, bringing the grand total to 18. New characters have 3 costumes, except Psylocke who gets 4 and Spider-man and Professor X who only get 2, while returning characters get a new costume, for a total of 4. There's also a secret 'Pool Party' stage that has every character wearing an exclusive bathing suit costume, which is a pretty neat extra.

Spider-man joins the fight, because why not?

 The game plays exactly like the first one did: Three counters per round and three-tiers of Super Moves(and you can move energy around all three tiers), thankfully they got rid of the silly 'mash X to form the X' in order to use level 3 Super moves. There're two new additions that make the combat flow even better than before: Launchers and air combos. All characters now have at least one move that launches the enemy into the air, and tapping up allows you to follow them up into the air and continue your combo. They are small additions, but they make for a much more versatile game. To complement the new additions, new characters feature at least a single aerial special move, some even having aerial super moves, while every single returning character had at least a new aerial attack added, be it a super or a special. On the flip side, the controls are still a bit unresponsive when performing super moves, which is a bit of a downer since everything else plays so well and is very well thought-out.

 It's not the best sequel ever made, since it feels more like an expansion pack than anything, but it still makes for a fantastic game. Most of the new characters are a blast to play as and the addition of an improved aerial game makes the game more versatile and fun, heck, even the new endings are better(even if they are still really short).... in other words, Mutant Academy 2 makes Mutant Academy 1 entirely obsolete. There's absolutely no reason you'd want to play the first game over this one. Regardless, it's a fun fighting game, probably not one that can be played at a competitive level, but one that's pretty fun at a casual one.
 7.5 out of 10

Now Playing: X-Men Mutant Academy 2

 An undeniable improvement.

Even the cover is better... but not by much. Is Mystique dancing?

 We've seen him skate and we've seen him swing, now he fights. Yes, another game featuring Spider-man and yes, another X-Men game. And no, this is not a X-Menathon.


 I've played with 4 of the returning characters and it's nice to see that they've got new moves. The air combos are a nice addition too, and while not much has changed, not even the HUD, it didn't really need to, considering how good the base game was.
 That said, the existence of this game makes Mutant Academy 1 obsolete, the only thing that game has that this one doesn't are those really short endings that last 5 seconds tops.

 And the fact that this game has Spider-man, Professor X(Even if he is a joke character) and Pool Party makes it still worth owning despite X-Men: Next Dimension taking the torch.

Review #460: Floating Runner - Quest for the 7 Crystals

 Float all ya want, just stop bouncing, for cryin' out loud!

That thing on the cover looks nothing like the playable characters in the game.

 Floating Runner is a platform game with all the charm of a 90s game... and all of its pitfalls. Cutesy on the outside, but wonky on the inside, Floating Runner lands flat on its face.

 There's a story in the game, but you wouldn't know it unless you read the manual, it has something to do with both characters collecting 7 colored crystals or something. What you need to know is that every crystal is made up of two stages, and each crystal-world has a health power-up and a unique weapon to find. Both heroes, Lay the boy and Cress the girl, play exactly the same and are merely a cosmetic choice. And interesting, but ultimately adds nothing to the game, mechanic is that you have to collect a crystal at the end of every stage, but the crystal at the end of the second stage will change colors, each color representing a world you haven't beaten yet, thus allowing you to select your next destination!

It plays as bad as it looks. Yikes!

 Sadly, the game is a bit of a mess. The X button allows you to jump, O is your dash and square shoots you gun. Your bullets travel in an overhead arc, so it's a bit hard to aim at enemies which makes jumping on top of them a much more viable alternative. L1 and R1 lets you do a Matrix sidejump, which looks relatively cool for what it is, but in this game... it's better not to chance it with sidejumps. As previously stated, each world has a unique weapon hidden within, and these weapons consume crystals to use. Crystals are very plentiful, enemies drop a handful when defeated, so just spam away.

 Where the game fails, however, is in level design. Stages are absolutely bland, it doesn't help that it looks so ugly, and they even had to resort to floating compass signs to point you in the correct direction... but they won't always be there for you. At times it can be really hard to know where to go next, like the end of the Swamp World, how was I supposed to know I had to drop below after climbing the stairs? To further exacerbate problems with navigation, the default camera angle is a weird downward angle that's really awkward, and the alternate camera angle... puts the camera almost on top on you, which is almost useless.

Where are my textures? I demand textures!

 Some levels are worse than others. The first forest stage features a tree that must be climbed... and it's terrible. Y'see, landing jumps is a thing of nightmares, and to add salt to injury, depending on where you land... your character will automatically perform a forward bounce upon touching the ground, plummeting you to your death... or forcing you to climb the entire tree again. This tree is such a pain to climb that I died on my first try and thus started with this level first. And it is a hassle, because the game runs on a timer and if you run out of time... you lose for good. Back to level 1, no ifs or buts. Which is a bit surprising considering that death is but a slap on the wrist: You only lose your crystals and restart back where you died.

 But the game isn't so kind in a few other aspects. Some levels, like the second lava stage or the second ice stage makes it very easy for the player to land back at the start of the level. Levels might be short, but when you're under a timer and under threat of having to redo the entire jumping ordeals again... it quickly saps any fun you might have playing the game. And by the by, you can't save your game, so either you finish the game in one sitting or you leave your console on until you can play again. On its defense, the game is mercifully short.

That's supposed to be water.... I think.

 Floating Runner isn't a very good game, but it's as 90s/early 3-D platformer as it gets which might be a selling point for quite a few, me included. But once the charm wears off, you're left off with a very poor platform game, with a few neat ideas, like hidden, permanent upgrades on each level and having the ability to pick your next stage, but none of them can save the game from sub mediocrity.
 3.0 out of 10

Now Playing: Floating Runner - Quest for the 7 Crystals

 More like jumping runner.

 So I just pop'd this game in and it was everything I wanted. The colorful, simple graphics, the peppy, charming music... it smells like 90s alright. I had never played this game, nor learned about its existence 'till I pretty much bought it, but not only did I know jack squat about it, it also seemed like one of those quirky N64 games I would rent just based on the cover alone.

 So I bought it. And I was not disappointed... on the nostalgia factor. The game itself is pretty lackluster, but it makes up for it in 90s charm. I just game over'd on the Forest World, that climbing section is absolute garbage.

 Oh well, I might give it another run later today.